Ash vs Evil Dead

Ashley?

Look, Pop, I know you don't want me here.

Well, you know where the door is.

You've seen how powerful my children have become.

We got to retrieve that Necronomicon

before they get their hands on it.

Where'd you put it?

The best hiding place

you could think of was a fucking corpse.

This town is only big enough for one asshole.

Me.

We got to get out of here.

Stop! Fuck!

Beat it.

Roads are for cars. Fuck you!

You need to watch where you're going!

But I don't see the book. Where is it?

It's locked up in the Delta, safe and sound.

Jefe, it's the Delta!

Hey!

**

* Only you

* Cared when I needed a friend *

* Believed in me through thick and thin *

* This song is for you

* Filled with gratitude and love... *

Miss you, baby.

Look at him.

Man, that car's been with him through thick and thin.

War and peace.

It was his everything.

I mean, it didn't even have a CD player though.

True that...

but he loved it.

I cannot believe you guys jacked this from Ashy Slashy.

Are you insane?

Oh, relax. That's all just an urban myth.

Okay, not what I meant.

You know?

My dad's the sheriff, it's not a great look

if I get busted for grand theft auto.

It's not grand theft if the car's worth $30.

Look, I just don't want to give my dad another reason

to get pissed off, you guys.

He's been totally on edge ever since this Ash guy came to town.

Lace, don't stress.

All right, after we smoke this dude's stash,

we'll dump his piece of shit car somewhere.

No one will ever know about it.

Okay. Cut it out, Tyler.

Oh, sorry.

Doesn't help that your pervert friend is watching.

Eww!

Fine, but I'm taking the weed.

Wait up.

Come on, pervert.

* Precious friend...

* With you I'll always have... *

Hey, didn't your mom used to bone Old Hatchet Hand?

Uh--

It's a chainsaw, brah.

No, they were just friends, eww.

She totally banged him.

She was like,

"Oh, Ashy Slashy!"

Ooh, cut it out!

God.

Uh, let's take a break.

You need to cool off.

Well, hey,

I think we should both be able

to express our feelings physically.

Oh, my God.

I've never met anyone like you.

"Verata... "

"kanda... "

I guess what I'm trying

to say is, I love you, Amber. "misatra."

"Me-stro-bean."

Oh, holy shit!

What the fuck was that?!

I love you too.

Huh?

But the car, and uh--

Uh... never mind.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Whoa, fuck!

Ah, what the fu-

Time to go.

Go where?

Get the Necronomicon back

before it falls into the wrong hands.

What do you think you're doing?

Fixing your mistake.

I don't think so, bossy.

This is my team, and they go where I tell them.

Not you.

Forget the stupid book.

Chasing that thing's only going to give you a leg cramp.

You don't know what you're talking about.

Oh, I don't?

You're the one who grew up your entire life

looking for that book, and you never found it.

Me on the other hand,

I can't fart without tripping over that thing.

And I fart a lot.

All right then, please tell me what is your genius plan

for getting the book back?

Oh, I'll tell you.

First things first. Ah.

What the hell is Pink Fuck?

Pink Fuck, is a proprietary mix,

of liqueurs and spirits,

garnished with orange rind, and um, nutmeg.

Oh, and...

there's a shit ton of Ketamine in it.

Got it.

Uh, second question, who the hell is this guy?

Well, come on. Seriously.

You've never heard me talk about Chet?

"No Fret Chet?" Yeah.

My main man? My number one partner...

in crime! In crime!

Never formally charged.

Back in high school, me and Chet, man,

we used to throw the most righteous parties.

People would come from far and wide

for a taste of sweet

Pink Fuck! Pink Fuck!

Here you go. Try it.

Nah, I'm good.

Uh, why not?

Are you a cop?

No, dude.

I just don't feel like drinking a glass

of Ketamine right now.

Or ever!

She's not a cop,

but I have never seen her do Ketamine.

Ah.

Uh-huh. Solidarity!

Till the wheels fall off!

Mm.

So, the sugar is hurting my teeth.

And, uh, I'm pretty, ah...

ah, my tongue is numb.

And... it's not...

Hey, how about you, Slim?

Want to try a Pink Fuck?

Hold the Pink?

Raar. Ow!

Mmm.

This feels so nice.

That's what brings the crowds in.

That's what I'm counting on.

Chet, what do you say,

we cook up a big batch of happy,

and throw one of our epic parties tonight?

And the kids who stole your car will show up!

That's a genius plan, Jefe.

Thanks, Pablo.

It's not the worst plan.

Till the wheels fall off, brother.

K.O.! K.O.!

Yeah! Yeah!

Amber, Tyler, honeymoon's over!

Oh my God.

What's going on?

Tyler? Amber?

Are you there?

Dude.

Holy--

Shit.

Come on! Let's go!

Whoa!

Oh God!

What is... what is happening?

I'm not doing this!

Oh God!

Oh my God, what the fuck is happening?!

No!

Stop it!

Come on! Run, Blake, run!

Medication time!

* It's such a

* Good vibration

* It's such a sweet...

You know, I got to hand it to you,

this party is popping off, man.

I mean, you got the football team,

and cool Goth kids.

The fun gay guy everybody loves.

Some really old men.

What the rice and beans is he doing here?

What the rice and beans are you doing here?

Hey, it's my question!

Look, beat it.

This is my party, okay?

It's for young, hip people.