Ash vs Evil Dead

"Me-sar-tra."

Ash? Linda Bates. Wow!

This party is popping off, man.

I'm warning you.

Ashy Slashy's going to kill us all!

Been a lot of weird shit happening around town lately.

We got to move.

If we do not get to my spawn before they raise Baal,

I will not have the strength to fight him.

Ash! The Delta, it's possessed!

We're going to die here. This car's going to kill us.

Pablo,

our destinies are intertwined.

I had a vision.

This is how we get rid of the book for good.

The Necronomicon.

It's gone.

Come on, Ash. Let's go home.

Lincoln 61, 10-23 over.

10-4. Copy that, Margie.

Standby, over.

Jesus.

Oh.

Oh.

Margie.

Margie.

Come to me.

Polly, it's Margie, over at the Lounge.

I've got a situation here.

I need you and the sheriff to get over here as--

Come back Margie, say again?

Step back, right now, or I'll shoot.

Margie, come back--

You don't need that.

Shh.

I'm not done with you yet.

* Once again I saved the world *

* Now it's time to get the girl *

* Time to go to the shop

* Get the car back

* Get on the road to Jack-son-ville *

* Something, something, rhymes with Jacks... *

Well, hello.

"Linda, from the moment I saw you,

"I realized, that you were one of the only Lindas for me."

Yeah, that'll work.

Strap on the old chainsaw, give it a few revs,

seal the deal!

* Highway to Jackson--

Ash Williams, you're under arrest

for the murder of Amber Corey.

Okay, for starters,

you can take your booger finger off that trigger--

Well, this is some grade-A stupidity.

This whole town should be thanking me.

Yeah, that's what I told them too!

Chet. Huh?

They got you too?

Yeah, but you know what?

It was worth it. Know why?

Because we fought evil together,

even if it was just for a minute.

Chet Kaminski. Yeah.

Need your signature here.

You're being officially charged with drunk driving,

and solicitation of a prostitute.

Again.

Mm-hm.

Oh, hey.

Um, Ash, Joanie.

Joanie, Ash.

Hey Joanie, how are you?

You know.

Itchy.

I know that feeling.

Chet, how are you?

Itchy too.

Great work, Margie.

You got the perp in custody,

and uh, I think we're looking at the murder weapon right here.

Take that down to the evidence locker.

I want to make sure we put this guy away for a long time.

You got it, sir.

Daddy? Daddy.

Baby? Daddy!

You all right? No.

I found her on the shower floor.

What? Doped up, and rambling about

killer cars,

and now Amber's mom is calling me,

saying that her daughter's missing.

Hey, that's my phone call!

What... ? I need a phone call!

I- is that Ash? Uh-huh.

Thomas, what is going on around here?

Don't worry about him. Marge?

I'll deal with him.

Oh come on, let's get you down here on the couch.

Ah.

Hey, I want a lawyer.

Then call one.

Who's gonna to stop you?

Wow.

Are all lady cops as soft, and cuddly as you?

Come on, handsome. Phone's that way.

Don't worry, Chet. I'll send you a fruitcake.

Oh, great. What?

You've got five, sugar.

Oh, I got eight.

But I know how to make it feel like five.

Hey, lady cop. Phone's dead.

Hello?

They call you the Jefe?

Who is this?

Let's see what you're made of.

Dad, you're not listening to me.

Listen baby, we're all here.

...happens when you're told you--

Excuse me. We're looking for Ash Williams?

We heard he got arrested. ...that was with me.

That's right.

Ah! Yeah.

Howdy, cowboy.

Keeping dry?

Uh, what is she talking about?

I, uh--

Just tell us where Ash is, dipshit.

I'm right here.

There is some bad juju in this place,

and we've got--

Hey, good looking.

You here to break me out, or break me in?

Don't move. Margie!

What do you mean, there's "bad juju?"

Hey!

That means you too.

Nobody move!

Whoa. I'll explain later.

Right now we got to lock, load, and regroup.

Oh. Oh.

- What's happening? - Oh, come on now.

Oh, Christ.

What do you got, huh!

Oh jeez. Oh my God!

What do you got, ah!

What the fuck is that?!

Lady cop?

Margie?

You son of a bitch!

It's not Ash.

Then who was it?

He's here.

Who's where?

Give me your keys.

Now.

Okay. Okay.

I got it.

Slower, please.

I'll lock it down.

You got any prisoners back there?

Yes. Go get them.

I want everyone in plain sight.

Okay, uh, obviously I know exactly what's going on,

but for the sake of these people,

uh, maybe you should explain?

There's a demon in here,

and I'm going to kill him before he kills all of us.

His name is Baal,

and right now he's hidden among us.

Exactly, think that covers the basics.

You see, Baal jumps from person to person.

Wearing their skin.

Okay, I- I think we got it.

And right now, he could be in any one of you.

So nobody leaves until he's dead.

This can't be happening, this can't be real.

Well I'm sorry, sweetheart, but it's true.

Demons are real. Damn straight.

I seen it.

Sit down.

Th- this is insane.

Mom.

Look Mom, look, they're telling the truth, okay?

There was an evil car that ran down my friends,

and a talking book.

Just one man brave enough to defeat them all.

Thank you. I meant Pablo.

Hm?

I don't know what you did to my daughter Ash Williams,

but I don't need a firearm to kick your ass.

Okay, clearly the demon is inside of this walking penis.

Just give me the gun, I'll take care of him,

we'll go for pancakes.

Sorry Ash, could just as easily be you.

Hey, come on, sister.

What's the deal? Same team.

Can't take that risk.

You see, this is what Baal wants.

For us all to start fighting

among ourselves.