Ash vs Evil Dead

Ash! Stop the car!

Welcome to the 80s, kid.

We're in the 80s?

If young me never reads from that book,

then evil will not plague my life,

and Pablo will be alive again.

I haven't read from the book.

This can't be happening!

Run!

Who's there? Henrietta.

My husband, he's found some book of the dead.

Why am I here? What the...

Fuck!

So I read from the book,

and summoned the Kandarian Demon.

Stop the Professor!

I'm going to hurt you, real bad.

You'll never get the Necronomicon.

Poindexter,

you get your ass over here, right now!

Please, forgive me!

Oh my God.

He just left with the book.

No one escapes their destiny, Ash.

Yours, is to watch me

suck out your soul!

Make sure you suck both barrels.

Ha!

Delicious, but I couldn't possibly finish!

Help me!

Please!

I don't want to die!

Come on, sweet cheeks.

Help me! Ah! Oh.

Oh!

Oh, Ruby. It's you.

Oh, great. You got the book, good job.

What's different about you?

Whoa!

Ah, come here, Ash!

Whoa.

Who are you?

I'm you.

From another time.

What are you doing here?

I came for that.

And for Ash.

So where is he?

Ash!

You're with him?

Ah!

How about some nice warm milk?

No!

From Granny!

No!

No, uh, no!

Uh... !

Oh. Prison rules, eh!?

Yah!

Ooh, ooh!

Feels so good inside me!

I don't pop my cork for every man I see!

I'll kill you!

I'll kill you! I'll rip your face off!

Stay still!

Suck on this, bitch!

Let go my face!

Is that all you got?!

Fuck!

Get ready, Ash! Ah, whee!

Whoa, whoa! I like it on top!

Fuck... you!

You're some kind of trick.

No, the opposite.

I'm the key to you getting everything you ever wanted.

All I ever wanted was this book, and my--

And your babies. I know.

Okay, well, that old bat must've really rung my bell good,

because I'm seeing two Rubys right now.

One too many.

Wait, this is your opportunity to choose a new life.

Oh, wait a second.

I know what's going on now.

You're the 80s version of Ruby.

Wow! That is trippy.

Oh, here's a question.

If we all had sex right now, would it still be a threesome,

because technically you're both the same person?

Mm. Okay, well, either way,

you should listen to this Ruby, because your future sucks.

Your demon kids are going to betray you for their demon dad.

Then they're going to make you kill him.

What? Yeah.

Didn't see that coming, did you?

Trying to help.

You kill my babies?

But you don't have to.

Don't you get it, you can walk away

with your immortality intact.

You can create a new future.

What would I even do?

Anything, you can do anything.

Anything.

Oh! No!

Ruby!

She won't be down long.

Uh... I'll do what I can,

but I want you to get out of here.

And just leave you here alone to die?!

I don't think so, no.

We just need to stop this bleeding.

Kelly... stop.

So Ruby, does this mean I don't have to pay back

the twenty bucks I owe you?

It's 200 bucks.

I was wrong about you.

You're an all right sort of person.

Sort of.

Well, and even though you unleashed evil on the world,

you didn't get in my way while I cleaned it up,

so I guess you're an okay

half-demon, half-person yourself.

Mm-mm.

I'm not dead, you dumb bastard.

Oh, wow. That was weird.

You were really still for a minute.

Oh Kelly...

oh, take it.

You know what to do.

And you go and forge that path, all right?

I'll hold her off as long as I can.

Time to go.

Ah, yah! Ow!

Oh!

What the deuce is going on?!

Ash, what's wrong?

Holy hand!

Kelly, you see this?!

I got a hand! It's real!

It works!

It's magnificent!

Too bad Pablo couldn't be here to see this.

No, Ash, don't you see what this means?

We changed history.

It worked!

Pablo!

Let me out of here!

Wait a minute.

I was- what- is-- Oh!

What is... what is happening?

What is going on? Well, you were dead.

Uh-huh. So, we went back in time,

we changed history, and now you're back alive.

Wait. I was dead?

Oh, yeah. Sunken eyes, horrible stench.

The whole nine yard.

Welcome back, Pablito.

Wow. Yeah!

Now that is a firm handshake, Jefe!

Crazy, huh? Brand spanking new hand.

Or, brand new spanking hand?

Now.

Wait, guys. Where's Ruby?

Ah!

She didn't make it, man.

So what, this other Ruby,

the evil 80s Ruby,

she's just chilling at the cabin?

Our Ruby was going to hold her off

for as long as she could, until--

Can we change the subject to something less depressing?

Like Pablo, maybe tell us more about the time you died?

Oh, yeah.

It almost feels like it happened to another me,

but this me still knows about it.

And in that moment, right before I died,

all I could think about was,

how I wanted to save the world,

and be a hero, like you.

Well, you'll never really be like me,

because I'm a legal citizen,

but you did help save the world.

I hate to be a buzzkill, but we kind of need

to get back to the future.

Without Ruby's help.

Kelly, book me.

Pablo.

You think because that book was inside you,

some Sumerian rubbed off?

Like enough to read from the time travel

passage in there?

Don't you worry, Jefe.

I got this.

Ah, ha, ha!

I knew you could do it.

Oh, yeah. I can do it, all right.

Just don't know if I want to.

What?

I said, "I don't want to."

Hey, whoa, whoa!