The Big Bang Theory

Have you guys seen this feature that lets you talk to Siri

without pressing any buttons?

No, how does it work?

You just say, "Hey, Siri, what time is it?"

The time is 6:37 p.m.

So now anyone can control your phone?

Hey, Siri, show me pictures of naked grandma butts!

- Nice try, it only recognizes my voice. - Oh, cool.

Hey, Siri, show me pictures of naked grandma butts!

I don't sound like that.

Here are some images of naked grandma butts.

Hey! Good news, everybody.

Now that I'm no longer with Amy, I have an extra ticket

to the annual Thanksgiving lunch buffet at the aquarium cafeteria.

Who wants it?

You realize you won't be going alone. I'll be there the whole time.

Providing fish and pilgrim facts.

Can you people hear me?

Well, we're having everyone over.

- Yeah, Leonard and I are cooking all day. - Otherwise, we'd love to.

- But we can't. Mmm-hmm. - Poor us.

And Raj and I are volunteering at the soup kitchen feeding food to the homeless.

Oh, Howard, what about you?

Oh, I can't, I'm going to the soup kitchen, too.

You said that sounded like the worst thing ever.

If you can't support me when I'm lying, why are we married?

Hi, Sheldon, what's up?

Well, I'm calling because Thanksgiving is coming up

and I wanted to offer you the aquarium tickets.

No one can go with you?

No, they'd rather spend the holiday with each other

than find out if this is the year I finally touch a starfish.

Anyway, I wouldn't want the tickets to go to waste,

so take whomever you'd like.

Oh?

Okay, thank you.

And feel free to tell your guest that the Myanmar catfish

is also known as the pilgrim fish.

In case the turkey's dry and you need something juicy.

Sheldon, I can tell you want to go,

so if you'd be comfortable with it, maybe we could go as friends.

You don't think that will be awkward?

Well, it is Thanksgiving in an aquarium cafeteria,

so I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say yes.

But if you mean between us, I think it'll be fine.

Very well, then. I'll see you on Thanksgiving morning.

See you then.

Oh, forget what I said about the Myanmar catfish.

My list of marine-themed pilgrim facts is pretty short.

Did you know they served shellfish and eel at the first Thanksgiving?

And there goes my list.

So, how does this work?

The soup kitchen manager assigns the jobs and the shifts are six hours.

Six hours?

I don't wanna complain for that long.

Do you ever do anything for anyone else?

I happen to be a giving and generous lover.

Are you and I close enough for me to say that's creepy?

We are and I believe the word you're looking for is...

- Uh, can I help you? - Hi, we'd like to volunteer.

Oh, I appreciate you guys coming down, but we already have enough people.

Any other day, please, come back.

Oh, okay.

Wipe that smug smile off your face.

Maybe I'm happy that so many people turned up to help the less fortunate.

Are you and I close enough for me to say...

That he's an ass? He beat you to it.

Uh, I was wrong. A large group had to cancel.

Oh, great, we'd love to help!

Wipe that smug smile off your face.

I can't!

Look at us! Our first Thanksgiving as husband and wife.

- I know, I feel so grown up. - Uh, sweetie, you are grown up.

Really? How many grown-ups do you know who have Mr. Spock oven mitts?

Hey, the recipes are on my iPad. Will you pull 'em up?

- Yep. What's the code? - My birthday.

It's not working.

It's just four digits. The month and day.

Nope.

Let me see.

Yeah. There.

What number were you putting in?

Uh...

- You don't know my birthday, do you? - Yes, I do.

- When is it? - May.

May what?

I'm not gonna say your password out loud, that is not secure.

You don't know your own husband's birthday!

- You don't know everything about me. - Your birthday is December second.

You grew up on Perkin Street.

The last four digits of your social are seven-six-two-one.

And the odds of me letting you forget this are zero!

Oh, look at us, our last Thanksgiving as husband and wife.

- Hello. - Hi.

- Ready for the aquarium? - I am.

And in an effort to reduce awkwardness as we learn how to function as friends,

I printed out a list of safe topics for polite conversation.

If that makes you more comfortable.

If there were a list of things that make me more comfortable,

lists would be on the top of that list.

Okay, now, oh, since last we spoke, have you acquired any pets?

No. You?

No.

Um, since last we spoke, have you planned or gone on any vacations?

I might go visit my aunt next week.

- Your aunt in Modesto? - No. The one in Bakersfield.

Bakersfield, I see.

Where has this list been all my life?

We're gonna have you washing dishes.

Uh, aprons and rubber gloves are here. Just scrape, wash and stack.

If you need me, I'll be around.

So we don't even get to be up front where the action is?

What difference does it make?

I don't know. I was hoping some poor kid would come up to me and say,

"Please, sir. I want some more."

You're in a soup kitchen, not a production of Oliver!

It's not like I'm expecting them to sing.

Then the next day was 73 degrees, then the day after that was 72,

and then it was 72 again,

then it was 74, and that brings us to today, at...

I'd wear shorts if I had a pair, 78.

Are we done discussing the weather?

I don't know if I'd call it "discussing,"

you kind of sat back and let me do all the work.

Let's see what's next on the list. Oh!

Uh, do you whittle, and if so what kind of knife do you...

Sheldon! We've known each other a long time.

We are perfectly capable of having a conversation

without relying on a list off the Internet.

All right, what should we talk about?

I don't know, just ask me whatever comes to mind.

Very well. I know you've been seeing other men.

Have you had coitus with any of them?

Man, I walked right into that one.

Next, we need a teaspoon of pepper,

which I believe was also the name of your childhood dog.

Fine, you think you know so much?

- Who's my favorite Spice Girl? - Baby.

- Who's my favorite member of NSYNC? - Justin.

- Who's my favorite Backstreet Boy? - Nice try, NSYNC forever.

Damn it!

Face it, you can't stump me. I am the king of husbands.

I know you don't like that lingerie that I got you on Valentine's Day,

I know you hate the word "moist," I know you don't...

Hang on, wait, wait. Why don't I like the lingerie you got me?

Because it's orange and you think it makes you look like a slutty carrot.

Interesting. I never told you that.

- Sure, you did. - No, I never told anyone that.

But I did write it in my journal.

What?

I didn't know you had a journal.

I also know your voice gets higher when you're lying.

No, it doesn't.

- Huh, this reminds me of high school. - You worked in a restaurant?

No, I was in India. It was humid and smelled funny.

All right, I think I'm getting into a groove here. This isn't so bad.

Yeah, only five hours and 40 minutes to go.

We've only been doing this 20 minutes?

You know, I read that washing dishes can be an excellent form of meditation.

The key is that while washing the dishes, one should only be "washing the dishes."

Just because you have that accent doesn't mean what you say isn't stupid.

No, seriously, it's about being present in the moment.

Focusing on the feeling of the warm water. The smell of the detergent,