Bad Teacher

Mr. Baxter, Nate's French is really coming along.

Vive la différence! Am I right?

You're right.

Ms. Perry... (laughs)

Looking forward to this month's PTA brunch.

Gonna keep the potato salad out of the sun this time.

Hi. Sorry I'm late.

Car wouldn't start. Truck blocked me in.

Lost my keys. Holiday traffic.

Well, as long as you have a good excuse.

Ms. Davis!

I made my parents take me

to a salon for a real haircut,

like you said.

Good job, Victor.

Much less DIY.

Ooh, okay.

Candles? Strawberries?

Looks like we're about to have sex in a Boyz II Men video.

Please. There's got to be at least

one single, rich dad here

that wants to talk about their kid.

We can have a one-on-one now

and then a one-on-one later on the floor of his home theater.

What about the floor of a regular theater?

- 'Cause, you know, then I'd be back in this thing. - (Scoffs)

Wait. Why are you so late, anyway?

I got in a fight with Abby,

the manager of the country club,

in front of my entire tennis circuit.

She tried to tell me that I wasn't a member anymore

because my dues hadn't been paid.

- Oh, that bitch. - And I was like,

"Well, Abby, what do you think I'm doing here?

Trying to find a man to pay those dues."

Ugh, some people, right?

- Yeah, some people. - And I was actually

- really excited to... - Can't believe people.

Are you done?

I was actually really excited

to come here tonight,

because this is a place where people actually respect me.

This is Ms. Davis.

She's the most fun teacher I've ever had.

Oh, Harper loves your class.

It was so cool when you had them

melt the gold jewelry.

What a fun way to learn about the Gold Rush.

Yeah.

Are we getting any of that back?

So nice meeting you!

- Bye, Ms. D. - Bye.

I mean... I'm like a god here.

Totally.

Totally.

A jazz band?

Hey, this is a classy open house, Carl.

Well, it needs to be.

'Cause these parents are breathing down my neck.

Tonight I need them to focus on the positive

and not on the fact that these basketballs

are dodgeballs painted orange.

Yeah. Well, the smoked Gouda is amazing.

Ooh, fun fact:

It's regular Gouda that I browned

in my roommate Ron's toaster oven.

That's what gives it the smoky flavor.

And the bagel seeds.

Huh.

Big money to win is...

Hi. I'm Keith's dad,

- Mr. Mueller. - Hi.

Would you like a strawberry?

Oh, sure.

And maybe one for my wife.

Oop.

Okay. You can go.

Ugh. It's like everyone's married.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

We're Victor Hu's moms.

Kid's a genius. Thanks for coming by.

But he's not meeting his potential.

Well, no one is. Too much TV.

Okay, good chat. Glad you came.

Victor loves you.

Apparently, you give him

- a lot of fashion advice. - Yeah.

But you don't challenge him academically.

He says you show a lot of movies.

I like to make learning entertaining.

It's not a smart way to educate.

Everybody else seems to like it.

Well, we're doctors.

Oh... doctors. (Laughs)

How long have you been trying to get that out?

It's on our name tags.

We just want to make sure

Victor has good teachers.

He does. Trust me.

Every parent here adores me.

For melting down their gold?

It's called hands-on learning, Doctors.

Sorry, Carl, I gotta leave early.

But we still have three hours left.

Lady business.

Poor kid.

Third time this month.

* Be good, be good, be good, be good * * Johnny *

Ah... it's not that bad.

* Be good, be good, be good, be good * * Johnny... *

Joel!

Doug Pilaf.

- Math department. - Math department.

Uh, I hate to bug you, but...

Listen, I know I still owe you those 50 bones, but I was

able to pre-order the next Halo, so thank you.

Wait. You said it was an emergency.

Oh, my gosh, no... it was an emergency.

Yeah, you have to pay

- when you pre-order.- Um...

You should come over and play sometime.

Oh. I'll ask my wife.

Look, I don't quite have the funds

to repay you just yet, but I do have

a bear claw with your name on it.

Glaze is still melty.

Oh, well, my... my wife doesn't like me to have sweets

on account of how hyper I get.

I won't tell if you don't.

So, uh... we cool?

Yeah, we're cool.

This is really gonna hit the spot.

Thanks, math department.

Hey... I heard you got into it

with the Hu ladies last night.

Those stupid tiger moms

were so disrespectful to me.

It's like they think just because they're doctors,

they're better than everyone else.

Let me tell you something:

I've known a lot of doctors.

They're just like us.

They put their pants on after sex one leg at a time.

Man, every day's a gift with you.

It's bad enough I get no respect

from people in my old life,

and now I get no respect

from people in my horrible new life.

PRINCIPAL CARL (over P.A.): Meredith Davis, please report to my office.

Principal Carl's office.

I am Principal Carl.

Ooh...

Now what?

I would really...

Dr. Hu and I would like Meredith fired.

Meredith!

Do you remember the Doctors Hu from the open house?

Yeah, I could never forget

an overly-confident woman in Uggs,

never mind two.

Such funny language.

Perhaps it was this robust sense of humor

that these good folks misinterpreted

as "rude indifference" at the open house.

Nothing that can't be cleared up

with a firm handshake and an apology.

Meredith, what do you say?

- To what? - Apologize to the Hus.

To the Hus? No, it should be from the Hus.

Could you excuse us for a moment, ladies?

And that's inappropriate attire.

Dude, you gotta bounce these chicks.

They're totally talking down to me.

Welcome to working with parents.

You need to apologize, Meredith.

Carl, we're friends, so trust me on this:

Those Bond villains are trying to destroy me.

You gotta have my back on this.

I acknowledge that most of the time

you and I are a sassy, fun-loving duo,

but in this instance, I need you to have my back

and tell the Hus you're sorry so we can all move on!

Why would I apologize to them?

I didn't do anything wrong.

They're trying to act like they're the boss of me.

Nobody is the boss of me.

I am literally the boss of you!

- I am not gonna do this. - I am telling you you have to do this.

Oh, just suck it up and lie, for God's sake!

Don't lie on our account.

Oh, everyone, stay calm.

Here, have a butterscotch candy.

Oh, don't mind if I do.

We're leaving.

Wait, wait, wait.

Mrs. and Mrs. Drs. Hu, uh,