Seinfeld

With a serial killer loose,

seems like the safest thing is to be the neighbor.

They never kill the neighbor.

The neighbor always survives

to do the interview afterwards, right?

"Uh, he was kind of quiet."

I love these neighbors.

They're never disturbed by the sounds of murdering.

Just stereo.

Chain saws, people screaming, fine.

Just keep the music down.

And all these women that always fall in love with the killer.

They write to him in prison.

Here's a woman that's hard to disappoint.

I guess she's only upset when she finds out

he's stopped killing people.

he's stopped killing people.

And she goes, "You know, sometimes I feel like

I don't even know who you are anymore."

Eight years isn't such a long streak.

It isn't?

No. I haven't vomited in 13 years.

Get out!

Not since June 29, 1980.

You remember the date?

Yes. Because my previous vomit was also June 29, 1972.

That's why during the '80 vomit,

I was yelling to George,

"Can you believe it?

I'm vomiting on June 29th again."

I'm vomiting on June 29th again."

Boy, you know, when Joel told me he hadn't thrown up

in eight years,

I was wondering if he was normal.

No, Elaine, he's normal.

Your boyfriend is a normal guy.

He just has the same name as one of the worst serial killers

in the history of New York.

Yeah.

Oh, Jer, I got to go.

Hi. Hey.

We just saw your boyfriend at a bus stop.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah. What's his name?

Joel.

Joel what?

Uh, Rifkin.

Rifkin?

Joel Rifkin?

Yeah. It's just a coincidence,

obviously.

Guess you better keep on his good side.

Very funny. That's very funny.

Yeah, I wouldn't sleep with my back to him

if I were you.

Yeah. Well, that's enough of that.

Elaine, listen, if you smell anything

decaying in the trunk of his car--

Look, this is my boyfriend we're talking about!

He's a gentleman, he's good-looking,

he's a good shaver

and he hasn't thrown up in eight years.

So just shut up about him.

Shut up!

The whole city is talking

about this monster, Joel Rifkin.

And I am dating a Joel Rifkin.

But you like your Joel Rifkin.

Yeah. I just wish he had a different name.

Ask him to change it.

You can't ask a person to change their name.

Why not?

Would you change yours?

If someone asked me nicely.

I'm Claude Seinfeld.

Hey, how many people did Rifkin strangle, 18?

Yeah, 18 strangles.

Well, you know why Rifkin was a serial killer?

Well, you know why Rifkin was a serial killer?

Because he was adopted.

Just like Son of Sam was adopted.

So apparently,

adoption leads to serial killing.

You know, Joel and I have an extra ticket to the Giants game.

I'll go. Okay.

I'll leave a ticket for you at will call.

Yeah! Ooh!

You think I should have asked George?

Hey, did you hear George got back with Karen?

Karen?

Karen?

Risotto.

I feel full after the risotto.

Oh, the risotto broad.

Yeah.

He's really got a good thing with her.

In fact, I'm doubling with them tonight.

Thought you didn't like double dates.

George likes them. He feels it's a good personality showcase.

He likes a date to see him with a friend,

so she can get a window into his non-date personality.

I've looked through that window

and screamed at him to shut the blinds.

He feels he's funnier, more relaxed.

Uh-huh. And you're taking?

Jodi, the masseuse.

Oh, did you get a massage yet?

No. How many times do I have to go out with her,

before I get a massage?

Jerry, she gives massages all day.

She doesn't want to give them on dates.

Yeah, I know. She just wants to have sex.

So what?

So it's like going to Idaho and eating carrots.

I like carrots, but I'm in Idaho,

I want a potato.

So I go into this clothing store,

and the saleswoman is wearing this, uh...

Low-cut thing.

Low-cut thing.

So I said to her, "Can I ask you a question?

"When you put on a top like that,

"what's your thought process?

What's going on in your mind?"

Oh, that is so funny.

You listening to this?

Yeah, I heard you.

Boy, my neck is killing me.

It's, like, right in this spot.

Very tender over here.

So, what did she say?

Well, nothing. I didn't actually say that.

You just said that you said it.

You just said that you said it.

Sweetheart, I was exaggerating.

I'm learning a lot about you tonight, George.

I've never seen you like this.

It's like somebody's pulling on wires back here.

You know, it's like you never see a really attractive woman

getting a traffic ticket.

How can you say that?

My sister got a ticket last week.

Are you saying she's not attractive?

Well, I've never met your sister.

But obviously, these are not hard-and-fast rules.

Darling, the tea is getting a little cold, sweetheart.

Darling, the tea is getting a little cold, sweetheart.

Can we go? Yeah, let's go.

So soon?

Yeah. Good seeing you again, Karen.

Nice meeting you, Karen.

Nice to meet you too.

I'm gonna call you about that massage.

Jodi, let's do this again real soon.

Yeah.

I strained my neck last night.

Really? Yeah.

How?

Well, I tried brushing my teeth

by holding the brush

and moving my head from side to side.

It didn't work.

So, what's the deal with your friend, George?

So, what's the deal with your friend, George?

No deal, why?

What was all that "attractive women

not getting tickets" nonsense?

Oh, well, he was just showcasing

his non-date personality.

I don't know how you can hang out with that guy.

Yeah, sometimes it really makes me tense.

Did you see the way that he was eating?

Yeah, he's disgusting.

I have to tell you,

I really don't like him.

Yeah, me either.

It's just I hate that type.

Ah, he's a bad seed.

Now, you, however,

you, I like.

Uh, what are you doing?

What do you think I'm doing?

So, what do you think?

Really enjoyed it.

Jodi's nice.

She's very nice.

Let's discuss this later.

You think she liked me? She seemed to like me.

Mm-hm.

I was personable, don't you think?

You were extremely personable.

You were extremely personable.

'Cause I thought I picked up a little something.

I'm very good at this.

Did you pick up anything?

I didn't pick up anything.

The second time I sent the noodles back...

I-- I thought she made a face.

I didn't see a face.

I thought I saw a face.