Seinfeld

You know, I gotta say that I'm enjoying adulthood for a lot of reasons.

I'll tell you reason number one:

As an adult, if I want a cookie, I have a cookie, okay?

I have three cookies or four cookies...

...or 11 cookies if I want.

Many times, I will intentionally ruin my entire appetite.

Just ruin it.

And then I call my mother up right after to tell her that I did it.

"Hello, Mom? Yeah, I just ruined my entire appetite.

Cookies."

So what if you ruin it?

As an adult, we understand even if you ruin an appetite...

...there's another appetite coming right behind it.

There's no danger in running out of appetites.

I've got millions of them. I ruin them whenever I want.

Look, Zigmond. Look at the sky!

The planet's on fire!

It is just as you prophesised!

The planets of our solar system incinerating...

...like flaming globes, Zigmond, like flaming globes!

Zigmond....

-Coffee. -Thank you.

What do you got, a cucumber?

Yeah. So what?

You're bringing in an outside cucumber?

They refuse to put cucumber in the salad. I need cucumber.

What have I done? What--? I can't read this.

"Fullman hurtel vom"?

I got up last night, I wrote this down. I thought I had this great bit.

Wait a second.

"Fax me some halibut."

Is that funny? Is that a joke?

No. Let me see that.

"Don't mess with Johnny."

Johnny? Johnny who?

Johnny Carson? Did I insult Johnny on The Tonight Show?

Did you mess with Johnny, Jerry?

Let me see that.

-Hey, where's Kramer? -I don't know.

That's like asking, "Where's Waldo?"

I think I'm having a heart attack.

I don't think that's it.

-I'm not kidding. -What does that mean?

I think what he's trying to say...

...is that he's having a heart attack.

Oh, he's having a heart attack.

-Tightness. -Come on.

-Shortness of breath. -This is ridiculous.

-Radiating waves of pain. -I know what this is!

You saw that show on PBS last night, Coronary Country.

I saw it in the TV Guide, I called him...

...told him make sure and not watch it.

There was nothing else on.

-Here, have some water. -Oh, the left arm, left arm.

He saw that show on anorexia last year...

...ate like an animal for two weeks.

Why can't I have a heart attack?! I'm allowed.

You want me to take you to the hospital?

Manhattan Memorial. Less of a line.

I'll call an ambulance.

Is everything all right?

We'll just take a check.

You made a mistake on the--

George.

Are you okay?

I'm George. George Costanza.

I never been in the hospital a day in my life...

...except when I had my tonsils out.

You know, they never gave me any ice cream.

-I always felt that if they-- -Shut up!

-Well, what do you think? -"Salami salami bologna."

Definitely.

"Salami salami bologna"?

Oh, your friend's fine. He didn't have a heart attack. I'll be in in a few minutes.

What a surprise.

Hey.

How you doing, buddy?

You need anything?

You want me to go out, get you a Superman comic?

No. No, thanks.

You know, I was wondering...

...you know that Blackhawks jacket you have?

Oh, sure, my Blackhawks jacket. I love my Blackhawks jacket.

Well, you know, I was thinking, if things don't exactly...

...work out....

Well, it wouldn't fit you. The sleeves are too short.

No, I tried it on. It fits good.

I didn't think about what I was gonna do...

-...with all the things.... -Well, you know....

Well....

-Well, okay. -Oh, and...

...do you think it'd be all right if I called Susan Davis?

Susan Davis?! Hey, wait a second!

Well, it's not like we'll be bumping into you.

I don't know. You and Susan Davis?

You know...

...if your future was more certain....

Okay.

Go ahead. Call her.

Get married. Have babies. Have a great life.

What do I care? I'm finished.

It's all over for me.

In fact...

...let's end it right now.

Jerry...

...kill me.

Kill me now. I'm begging you.

Let's just get it over with. Be a pal.

Just take the pillow and put it over my face.

Well....

-What, kind of like this? -What--? What are you--?

Jerry! Hey!

Jerry!

Elaine. What are you doing here?

Jerk-off.

There's nothing wrong with him. I saw the doctor. He's fine.

Hi, George.

How you feeling?

Is anybody getting your apartment?

I'll tell you, if I ever get out of here...

...I'm gonna change my life.

I'm gonna do a whole Zen thing.

Take up yoga.

Meditate. I'll eat right.

Calm down, you know?

Lose my anger.

Hey, is anybody listening?!

Hello.

Mr. Costanza.

Excuse me.

Yeah, you know, doc, I gotta tell you, I feel a lot better.

Well, we looked at your EKGs, ran some tests, did a complete workup.

Oh, God. Mommy.

Well, you simply haven't had a heart attack.

I haven't?

I'm okay?

I'm okay? Oh, thank you!

Thank you!

I don't know how to thank you!

Hey, that was really fun, George. Can we go home now?

No, we'd like to keep him overnight for observation, just to be safe.

Oh, sure, sure, anything.

Can you believe it? Nothing's wrong with me.

Well, I wouldn't go that far.

What?

Oh, my God. What?

Is it meningitis?

Scoliosis?

Lupus? Is it lupus?!

Have you ever had your tonsils taken out?

My tonsils?

Yeah, when I was a kid.

Well, they've grown back.

And your adenoids are swollen too.

-Really? -Yeah.

-Oh, whose tonsils grow back? -It happens.

Yeah, if you've been exposed to gamma rays.

I still have my tonsils.

Everyone in my family has theirs.

In fact, we were forbidden to socialize with anybody...

...who didn't have their tonsils.

That's interesting, because no one in my family has their tonsils.

And we were forbidden to socialize with tonsil people.

Well, it's like the Capulets and the Montagues.

Excuse me.

Anyway, I strongly recommend they come out.

What? You mean, with a knife?

Yes, with a knife. You know, snip, snip.

Anyway, you'd be completely under. You wouldn't feel a thing.

And when you wake up, you can have some ice cream.

Yeah, that's what they told me the last time.

Think about it.

Excuse me.

-Sorry. -I'm sorry.

I just have to ask that doctor one more...

...question.

Women go after doctors like men go after models.

They want someone with knowledge of the body. We just want the body.

-Hey. -Hey.

Boy...

...they got a great cafeteria downstairs.

Hot food, sandwiches, a salad bar.

It's like Sizzler opened up a hospital.

Boy....

So how did you have a heart attack?

You're a young man.

What were you doing?

They gonna do a zipper job?

-Oh, they love to do zipper jobs. -Kramer.

You know, the really bad thing about the heart is the sex thing.

See, you gotta be careful about sex now.

You get that heart pumping--

Suddenly, boom! Next thing you know...

...you got a hose coming out of your chest attached to a piece of luggage.

Kramer, George didn't have a heart attack.

No? That's good.