Seinfeld

Of the places you go all the time,

the dry cleaning relationship is the most bizarre.

You give each other the same thing over and over again.

He gives it to you. You give it to him.

He gives it back to you.

It's like it's half his shirt, in a way.

He has it as much as you do.

You ought to go shopping with him.

"What do you think of this shirt?"

"That would look good with a light starch."

The only warning label people respect is "dry-clean only."

Speed limits, lung cancer, cigarette warnings--

Your very life is at stake.

People go, "Ah, the hell with it!"

But dry-clean only? "Don't put that in the wash!

It's dry-clean only! Are you crazy?"

Good morning.

Good morning.

How'd you sleep?

Hey, you are on the couch tonight, young lady.

You were all over my side.

I was not.

I was sleeping with one cheek off the bed!

By the way, you're falling way behind on the "I love you's."

No, no, 12-8.

No, it's 15-8.

I know I can't beat you.

I try to stay competitive.

Let's get some breakfast.

Uh, let me get a coat.

I think I'll try a sport jacket and scarf thing.

You know, like an unemployed actor.

Ahh. I haven't worn this one in a long time.

Ooh, cashmere?

No, Gor-Tex.

It's new.

Look at this locket. What the hell's this?

There's a picture in here. Look.

Wow, this is really old.

You don't know whose it is?

No, I haven't worn this jacket

since I had it dry-cleaned.

Maybe we should ask him.

We'll stop there.

What do you want for breakfast?

Pancakes.

Come on, you know I'm getting pancakes.

I don't know that!

We can't both get pancakes. It's embarrassing.

It's one step from the couples that dress alike.

I'll get the short stack.

Ah, that's why I love you.

15-9.

Hey, how ya doing?

We just got back from breakfast.

The pancakes were dynamite.

Hey, is that my maple syrup?

Oh...

yeah.

You bring your own syrup?

Got to.

You got a lot to learn about pancakes.

This is my wife.

She died eight years ago.

I've been looking all over for this.

It's a lucky thing I put the jacket on.

But how did it get in the pocket?

The chain is broken.

It must have slipped in when I was, uh...

Oh, wow.

I turned my house upside down looking for this!

It's all I have left of her.

Oh, that's so touching.

You know what I'm gonna do for you?

I'm gonna give you and your family

25 percent off all your dry-cleaning.

Oh, come on!

What are ya talkin'--

It's silly.

Forget it.

Get outta here!

It's done.

All right.

Well, I guess I get it, too,

because... I'm his wife.

I didn't know you were married.

Oh...yeah.

Uh, you've never met my wife, uh, Meryl.

Meryl Seinfeld.

Yeah, sure. You get the discount too.

You might regret that.

The money my wife spends on clothes--

I'm taking him to the cleaners.

See her sense of humor?

Come here. I'm so nuts about you.

It was fun being single,

but when you meet a woman like this,

you don't walk to get married, you run.

Ooh.

Oh.

Hey.

Hi, Greg.

Haven't seen you in a while.

Yeah.

Today's the first day I worked out

since the Central Park Mini-Marathon.

You ran the Mini-Marathon?

No, but I exercised that day.

Well, I gotta take off.

Yeah, as an airline pilot, you're one of the few people

who can say that and mean it.

Um...

Do you have the time?

Eleven-thirty.

Eleven-thirty?!

Wait, wait. Ten-thirty. Sorry.

Oh. Oh.

You have to be somewhere?

No.

Then what are you doing?

I'm just waiting for my friend, George.

We worked out together.

Oh.

Well, it was good seeing you.

Yeah, nice to see you too.

Bye.

Uh, would you, um...

C-can I--

Pardon?

The syrup. Would you pass the syrup?

Oh, you want to try the syrup?

Can I get you anything else?

Um. Yeah. My wife and I will have some more coffee.

Okay.

And the check for my husband.

To my beautiful wife.

Ahh. To my adoring husband.

Adoring? What about handsome?

I like "adoring."

Adoring's good for you. What does it do for me?

Um, excuse me.

Where did you get that?

I-- Well, um--

We don't allow any outside syrups,

jams or condiments in the restaurant.

And if I catch you in here with that again,

I will confiscate it.

Yeah, well, I-- I told my wife not to bring it.

Really? Twenty-five percent off?

Well, do I get that too?

No. Just Meryl.

Why does she get it?

Because she's my wife.

Yeah?

Mah.

Uh.

You know, I'm really enjoying this marriage thing.

You think about each other. You care about each other.

It's wonderful.

Plus I love saying "my wife."

Once I started saying it, I couldn't stop.

"My wife" this, "my wife" that.

It's an amazing way to begin a sentence.

"My wife has an inner-ear infection."

See?

I like that.

Hey, will you do me a favor?

Will you take my quilt into the cleaners

so I can get the discount too?

Oh, come on, we're gonna do this?

I can't be taking all your dry-cleaning in.

Just this one time. It's expensive!

All right.

Hey.

Hi.

Hey.

Hey, Elaine?

Yeah.

If neither of us is married in ten years, we get hitched.

Let's make it 50.

We're engaged.

I'm gonna get my quilt.

All right. Listen to this.

You remember that guy at the health club?

The flyboy.

Yeah.

Hey, where's George?

I waited. He didn't show up.

Anyway. This guy gave me an open-lip kiss.

Mm.

So?

So?

We've always just pecked.

This one had a totally different dynamic.

Really?

Yeah. His upper lip landed flush

on my upper lip, but his lower lip

landed well below my rim.

Ah-ha.

Moisture?