South Park

Yeeeah! You got it, Ned!

That was a nice shot!

Thanks. I thought so, too.

Come on, let's see what we got.

Huh. Looks like you shot the shit out of it.

There's nothin' left.

Hey. Lookie here.

Jesus. You ever seen animal tracks that big?

No, I have not, Jimbo.

Looks like a bear. A huge one!

Come on, the tracks go this way.

Look at that. Looks like bear droppings.

But with a man poop right next to it.

I'm scared.

What the hell are we dealing with, Ned?

Whatever it is, it was here recently.

Randy: Hey!

What the hell are you guys doing on my farm?

We're trackin' a bear, Randy.

A bear?

That didn't sound like no bear.

Where you goin', Ned?

I'm getting my white ass outta here.

What the?!

Jesus Christ!

Ahghgghghgh!

Helllllllp meeeeee!

Neddddddd!

All right, we have some dead cows down at Milner's Ranch.

I want Conners and Tiggs to check that out.

And the two hikers are still missing.

Let's have all units keep their ears to the ground.

All right, ladies, that's it. Second shift starts now.

As for me, I'm finally heading home.

Gonna finally get some R&R, sir?

Yup. Gonna go home and play me some "Red Dead Redemption 2."

I got a train to rob in Valentine.

Cop: Detective?!

Got a call from the school.

Another kid's been killed.

No, no, not another school shooting.

Can't they handle it themselves?

Said they need us right away.

God damn it.

Why the hell can't these kids stop being a pain in my ass?

Children, everyone just stay back, okay?

The police are coming.

All right, what happened? What grade was the shooter in?

Oh, thank God.

Some kindergartners found the body.

I-I don't think it was a shooting.

Of course it's a school shooting.

It's cut and dry.

Let's just get this over with so I can go home.

Where's the victim?

Over there.

Cop: What the hell?

Jesus, it's a complete mauling.

Looks like part of him was eaten.

All right, which one of you little shitheads did this?

Come on! I don't have time for these little games.

Which one of you peckers felt isolated

and lashed out at society?

If I have to stay here and do an investigation

instead of go home and rob a train,

there's gonna be serious hell to pay!

So, what was he doing alone on the playground?

Staci Nakabe says he just wanted to run back out

and get his football.

Mrph rmhmhm rm!

And there were bear prints in the snow?

Stan: It wasn't a bear.

I saw it.

You saw what?

It was at my house.

There was a... thing.

It attacked my uncle and took his friend.

It was like a bear, but a pig... thing.

Jesus.

It was at my house and then here at the school!

Everyone says that kid and I look alike.

What if that thing is after me?

Dude, now you're just overreacting.

Mr. Mackey: Attention, please.

Will the following students

report to the principal's office.

Eric Cartman. Kenny McCormick.

Thank you, mkay.

Aw, what did I do this time?

You go first, Kenny.

Mrph rmhmhm rm!

I didn't even do anything wrong!

Mrph rmhmhm rm!

Just stop being a baby, Kenny, and go.

Take a seat boys. Right there.

You know how shitty it is to be a cop?

There's real emergencies every day --

real people who need real help --

but then, every other minute, I gotta stop everything

'cause one of you little wads

decides to go and shoot up the school.

Mrph rmhmhm rm!

Shut up! Now, which one of you had a beef with Colin Brooks?

Nobody gives a shit about Colin Brooks.

Oh, yeah? I asked the kids in this school,

"Who are the biggest loners?

Who's most likely to rage and be the next school shooter?"

You know what they said?

The fat, ugly, mean kid and the detached, loner, poor kid.

Hey, I'm not poor, all right?

Or was it both of you? Fess up.

I have people in Horseshoe Overlook

who are depending on me to get provisions

so we can head back east.

You're playing "Red Dead Redemption," too?

That's right.

And I'm gonna make both of you school shooters pay

for wasting my time.

Keep looking. There's a lot of people

saying they saw it, Kyle.

It's not just me.

"Evidence of the creature of South Park."

This is like a conspiracy website.

It's not a conspiracy, it's real.

Keep going down. There's video.

There! Right there!

That's it.

That's was I saw.

I saw ManBearPig.

ManBearPig?

Don't you remember, dude? We were warned about this.

That weirdo guy who came and told us this would happen?

He was right.

You guys! You guys!

The police are trying to say

me and Kenny killed that douchebag Colin Brooks!

What?

They questioned us for hours.

They said they have enough to get warrants for our arrest.

But it wasn't you guys.

We know that! What the hell are we gonna do?!

Who was that ex-president guy?

The one who showed up

and tried to convince everyone of a ManBearPig?

Mrph rmhmhm rm?

Al Gore.

In my report, you'll see that Eric Cartman and Kenny McCormick

are believed to have worked together.

I've issued warrants for their arrests,

and this case is now in the hands of the DA.

And I am finally going home.

Keep McCormick and Cartman in separate holding cells,

and don't wait on me to book 'em.

I'm gonna be playing "Red Dead Redemption" for the next 18 hours.

Cop: Detective!

Whattt?!

There's more dead kids.

Out in the woods by Stark's Pond.

In the woods?

There was a school shooting out in the woods?

Outside of school is the one place

kids are supposed to be safe.

They're saying it's really bad, sir.

Need all units.

God damn it.

If these kids don't stop killing each other,

I'm gonna shoot them all myself.

Hello, uh, we're looking for a government sort of guy named Al Gore?

Al Gore...? Al Gore...?

Sounds familiar.

He said he was almost president once.

He came to our town to warn us about something,

and we have to find him.

Oh, yeah.

This looks like Jim Turner.

Mrph rmhmhm?

The state bowling champion five years in a row.

You can always catch him practicing

down at Gramercy Lanes.

Focus.

Calm. Center.

Yes! Die!

Die, you pins!

Oh, we've got a straggler, do we?

You're gonna die just like the rest of 'em.

Mr. Gore?

Focus. Calm.

Al Gore?

That's a name I haven't heard in a long time.

I don't know if you remember us,

but we're the kids you got to help try and capture ManBearPig?

Well, uh you were right.

Ha. You -- You were totally right.

ManBearPig is real,

and, uh, he's killing lots of people in our town.

Oh. Sucks for you.

Please, Mr. Gore! We need your help!

ManBearPig isn't going to stop.

Oh, is it inconvenient now?

I tried to warn you all, but no one took me cereal.