Seinfeld

We never should have landed a man on the moon.

It's a mistake.

Now everything is compared to that one accomplishment.

Now we go, "I can't believe they can land a man on the moon,

and taste my coffee!"

I think we all would've been a lot happier

if we hadn't landed a man on the moon. We'd go:

"They can't make a prescription bottle top open easily?

"I'm not surprised they couldn't land man on the moon.

Things make perfect sense to me now."

Neil Armstrong should've said,

"That's one small step for man,

"one giant leap for every whining, complaining S.O.B.

on the face of the earth."

Hey, do you believe I got Happy New Year-ed today?

It's February.

I once got Happy New Year-ed in March.

-Disgusting. -It's pathetic.

Hey, is it cold out?

Really cold.

Scary-cold?

What's your definition of scary-cold?

That.

What is that?

What?

When did you get that?

This week.

My father got a deal from a friend of his.

It's Gore-Tex.

You know about Gore-Tex?

You like saying Gore-Tex, don't you?

Look at you.

You can't even turn around in that thing.

Look at this.

Hey, George, can you feel this? Can you?

All right! All right! Knock it off!

Come on, let's go.

We should stop off on the way and get a bottle of wine or something.

What for?

These people invited us for dinner.

We have to bring something.

Why?

Because it's rude otherwise?

You mean, just going there

because I'm invited, that's rude?

Yes.

So you're telling me,

instead of them being happy to see me,

they'll be upset because I didn't bring anything.

You see what I'm saying?

The fabric of society is very complex, George.

I don't even drink wine.

I drink Pepsi.

You can't bring Pepsi.

Why not?

Because we're adults?

What, you're telling me that wine is better than Pepsi?

No way wine is better than Pepsi.

I tell ya, George, I don't think we want to walk in there

and put a big plastic jug of Pepsi

in the middle of the table.

I just don't like the idea

that any time there's a dinner invitation

there's this annoying little chore to go with it.

You know, you're getting to be

an annoying little chore yourself.

All right, let's go. Who's driving?

You are. I can't get that thing in my car.

Where's the heat in this car?

Come on, Elaine. Warm me up. It's cold.

-Jerry, get off of me. -Just a little squeeze.

-Get off! Get off of me! -No!

Hee, hee, hee!

You're pretty comfortable up there, huh, bubble boy?

Oh, yeah. You wish you had this coat.

I was just thinking.

The four of us can't show up

with just one bottle of wine.

-Oh, here we go. -What?

Why don't we get them a couch.

We'll rent a U-Haul, bring them a nice sectional.

We should bring some cake.

Will you stop off at the bakery?

Just get some Ring Dings from the liquor store.

Ring Dings?

They're better than anything you'll get at a bakery.

Ooh, I like Ring Dings.

George, you can't show up at someone's house

with Ring Dings and Pepsi.

Hey, your lights are on!

It's a funeral procession.

I got news for you.

I show up with Ring Dings and Pepsi,

I'd become the biggest hit of the party.

People would say, "Just between you and me,

I'm really excited about the Ring Dings and the Pepsi."

What are we, Europeans?

With the Beaujolais and the chardonnay...

-Oh. That's the bakery. Stop here. Stop here. -Okay.

Okay, let me out.

You, whatever your name is.

-Jerry. -Yeah. Jerry. Come with me.

So, we're gonna get the wine.

We'll pick you up here in 10 minutes?

-Yeah. -All right.

Mmm. I love the smell of bakeries.

Oh, look. The black and white cookie.

I love the black-and-white.

Two races of flavor

living side by side in harmony.

It's a wonderful thing, isn't it?

You know, I often wonder what you'll be like

when you're senile.

I'm looking forward to it.

I think it'll be a smooth transition for you.

Thank you.

Look at all this stuff. What are we getting?

Chocolate babka. That's their specialty.

Love that babka.

Yeah, yeah.

But when we get up to the door,

you hold the cake box.

Why?

I don't know. Just standing there,

holding a box by the little string...

You think it's effeminate?

It's a tad dainty.

Oh, we forgot to pick a number.

See, that's not fair.

We were here ahead of all these people.

You think I should go and ask her for hers?

Ah, no, forget it.

No, no, no. It's not fair!

Just because they have a ticket

doesn't mean they were here first. We were here.

And we were ahead of them, and them, and her.

Come on, let's just go ask them. Come on.

Excuse me...

KRAMER (SIGHING): I'm not finding a spot here.

What do you wanna do?

-Just double-park. -No, no.

-Why not? -I'll get a ticket.

Besides, what if somebody wants to get out of here?

Are you kidding? People get spaces this good, they never give them up.

That's a fallacy.

All right, I tell you what.

Why don't you go into the store. I'll wait in the car.

Why don't you go into the store, and I'll wait in the car.

Because I've got the coat.

I can sit in the car and not get cold.

So what? I'm gonna leave the car heater running.

Does the heater even work?

No.

Hey, there's a spot, right in front of the liquor store!

-You see? -I see.

You see?! Ho, ho, ho!

But we were here ahead of you!

How do I know that?

Well, we saw you come in.

Well, that's easy for you to say.

Yeah, right. That's something I do all the time.

I make up stories to get ahead in lines at bakeries.

Forty-six!

Wait-- Wait a second.

Are you Barbara Benedict?

Yes.

Oh, my God.

I don't-- I-- I know you.

I'm Elaine Benes.

Do you remember?

We met at Linda van Brak's baby shower.

I'm on my way over there right now.

Yeah, me too.

-You're Jerry, right? -David.

Well, this is a little awkward, isn't it?

Yes, it is.

You know, we were here ahead of you.

You're not getting my number!

Oh, so you still don't believe us!

Forty-seven!

That's us!

Oh, okay, fine. Fine. Go ahead.

But listen. As soon as I get there,

I'm gonna tell everyone what a jerk you are.

I'll be there ahead of you,

and I'll be telling them what a jerk you are!

I'll have the chocolate babka.

You're lucky, Mrs. Benedict. It's our last one.

All right, what are we getting?

It's hot in here.

Hm. What do you say we get a Mouton Cadet?

-What's that? -It's a Bordeaux.

Robust, bold, very dry,

as opposed to a Beaujolais,

which is richer and fruitier.

All right, here's one. Twelve dollars.

Twelve dollars?!

I knew we should've gone to the bakery.

I guarantee you they're not getting no $12 cake!

I'll pay you back later. I don't have my wallet.