Seinfeld

There's no way that moving in with your parents,

is a sign that your life is right on track.

There's no way that you could fake this, even.

"Yeah, things are going great. I met a terrific girl,

"I got a great job, making a lot of money,

"and if everything goes according to plan,

"I'm going to be moving back in with my parents soon."

It's like getting busted on a parole violation,

and thrown back into the slammer.

"In the opinion of the board,

"you'd need further rehabilitation, I'm afraid."

And you go back into that little room of yours,

you feel so huge,

it's like you can take your bed and just crush it in your hands.

You can hold your parents between your fingers going,

"Why was I so afraid of you people when I was growing up?"

I can't believe this.

Oh, it won't be for that long.

How could I do this?

How can I move back in with those people?

Please, tell me. They're insane! You know that.

Hey, my parents are just as crazy as your parents.

How can you compare your parents to my parents?

My father has never thrown anything out, ever.

My father wears his sneakers in the pool.

Sneakers!

My mother has never set foot in a natural body of water.

Listen carefully.

My mother has never laughed.

Ever.

Not a giggle, not a chuckle,

not a tee-hee,

never went "ha!"

A smirk?

Maybe.

And I'm moving back in there.

I told you I'd lend you the money for the rent.

No, no, borrowing money from a friend,

is like having sex.

It just completely changes the relationship.

All right. I'm ready.

You know, I still don't understand,

why do you want to move back in with your parents?

I don't want to.

I'm out of money. I got $714 in the bank.

Well, move in here.

What's that?

Why doesn't he just move in here?

Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna move in with him.

He doesn't even let you use the toilet.

You can move in with me if you want.

Thank you. I, uh--

That might not work out.

Careful! Careful with the suitcases.

We just painted.

Hello, Mrs. Costanza.

Hello, Kramer. Close the door.

I gotta bring in some more stuff.

More stuff? How much is there?

There's more.

So, how are you, Jerry?

Fine Mrs. Costanza. Hey, I got a terrific joke for you.

Nah. Not interested.

No, no. It's really funny. There's these two guys--

Tell it to the audience.

Here, I made some bologna sandwiches.

Bologna? Nobody eats bologna anymore.

What are you talking about?

Have a sandwich.

No, thanks.

Oh, stop it.

You don't want one, Kramer?

Uh, no, thanks.

I think you're all a little touched in the head.

You're so worried about your health?

You're young men.

I really don't eat it.

What am I going to do with all these sandwiches?

Will you take them home,

give them to someone in your building?

I don't know if I feel comfortable,

handing out bologna sandwiches in the building.

All right. That's it. Anything else?

No. That's it.

I gotta go move the car.

Well, I guess we'll be going.

What? You going?

Yeah.

Well, what are you doing later?

Elaine and I are going out with Kramer and his new girlfriend.

Really?

Yeah.

You can't believe this woman. She's a low-talker,

you can't hear what she's saying.

You're always going, "Excuse me, what?"

Maybe I'll meet you.

No, George. We're going out to eat tonight,

with your father.

Oh.

Okay.

I'll talk to you later.

Yeah. Take it easy.

Oh, my God.

Okay, well, I had this idea for a pizza place,

where you make your own pie.

Right.

You remember that?

Yeah, well, that was a good one.

What's that?

Excuse me?

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know that Leslie's in the clothing business?

She's a designer.

In fact, she's come up with a new one,

that's gonna be the big new look in men's fashions.

It's, uh, like a puffy shirt.

Yeah, it's all puffy,

like the pirates used to wear.

Oh, a puffy shirt.

Puffy.

See, I think people wanna look like pirates.

You know, It's the right time for it,

be all puffy and devil-may-care.

Yeah.

That's true.

I'll be right back.

Jerry's going to be on the Today Show on Friday.

Yeah, that's right.

He's promoting a benefit for Goodwill,

you know, they clothe the poor and the homeless.

And the indigent.

And the indigent.

Yeah. I do volunteer work for them.

I set the whole thing up, and I got Jerry to do it.

Sure.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Yup.

Uh-huh.

Yup.

Yup.

Mm-hmm.

Maybe you should take a civil-service test.

I'm not taking a civil-service test.

Look at this, George.

You ever seen a silver dollar?

Yes, I've seen a silver dollar.

Why don't you want to take a civil-service test?

To do what, work in the post office?

Is that what you want me to do?

Would you believe, when I was 18,

I had a silver dollar collection?

I don't understand. You get job security,

you get a paycheck every week.

I'm a college graduate. You want me to be a mailman?

You know, I couldn't bring myself to spend one of these.

I got some kind of, uhh,

phobia.

So, what are you gonna do?

I don't know.

I do know that I have some kind of a talent,

something to offer.

I just don't know what it is yet.

I bet that collection

would be worth a lot of money today.

Oh, my God.

I don't like this waiter.

Look at him.

He sees us.

Doesn't wanna come over.

I need some air.

George, where you going?

I got a lot thinking to do.

Oh!

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm terribly sorry.

Look what you've done. You've spilled my bag.

Here, let me help you.

No, no. It's all right.

It's just that I'm here with my parents,

and my mother wants me to take a civil-service test.

To tell you the truth, I don't even think I'd pass it.

Hmm.

What?

Your hands.

What about them?

They're quite exquisite.

They are?

Extraordinary.

Have you ever done any hand modeling?

Hand modeling?

Here's my card.

Why don't you, uh, give me a call?

I don't get it.

Me neither.

What is it?

I don't know.

They're hands.

This woman already signed me up for a job.

Well, what about my hands? I don't see how your hands