The Big Bang Theory

Previously on The Big Bang Theory...

There's no point in dwelling on it. As the Vulcans say,

"Kup-fun-tor ha'kiv na'ish Du stau."

Do you know what that means? No.

Are you telling the truth?

Nersh.

This is ridiculous... being upset about Amy all the time

isn't accomplishing anything.

If I want to resolve this situation,

then I need to take action.

What are you gonna do? I'm going to find her

and ask her to marry me.

And if she says yes,

we can put this behind us and resume our relationship.

And if she says no...

well, then she can just ponfo miran.

He didn't mean that.

I think it's so adorable you're making Sheldon breakfast.

Well, he's having a rough time.

Amy broke his heart,

the DVR cut off the last minute of Doctor Who...

that crow followed him home.

Aren't you worried you're making French toast on oatmeal day?

Ah, well, what's this? A pot of oatmeal?

Or, thanks to you, what I will now call "gloatmeal."

Oh, I don't want credit for that.

Oh, Dr. and Mrs. Hofstadter,

lovely to see you this fine morning.

You're in a good mood.

Yeah, I am indeed.

I have decided,

instead of wallowing in sadness about Amy,

it is time that I find myself a new female companion.

Oh. Good for you.

What brought this on?

I realized something... when Amy was in my life,

I was hyper-focused on my work and ignored her.

And you don't want

to make the same mistake with the next woman.

No, I need a new woman in my life to ignore

so I can hyper-focus on my work again.

Hey, I made French toast sticks.

On oatmeal day?

Ah, I also made oatmeal. Ooh,

that's a lot of carbohydrates for a man on the prowl.

You know what? You eat it; you're married...

it doesn't matter what you look like.

Don't take advice from a man who threw his shoe at a crow.

== sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man

Thank you for coming by, gentlemen.

No problem. So what's up?

Well, it was the two of you who found Amy Farrah Fowler for me.

Now that I'm looking for my next girlfriend,

it seemed only logical that I employ your services once again.

Y-You sure you're up for that? She did hurt you.

Oh, no, it's all right. I think of my time with Amy

as a stick of Fruit Stripe gum: sweet and enjoyable at first,

but ultimately a flavorless lump of sadness.

You're not wrong about Fruit Stripe.

I-I was always a Hubba Bubba man. Mm.

Hubba Bubba over Dubble Bubble? You're crazy.

Hey, the jaw wants what it wants.

Gentlemen!

Oh, right, uh, girlfriend. Okay.

But what are you looking for?

All I'm looking for

is an educated, intelligent woman who shares my interests

while retaining her own unique point of view.

She should be kind,

patient,

and most important,

unable to imagine life without me by 10:00 tonight.

Isn't that a little unreasonable?

All right, fine, she doesn't need

her own point of view. Now, chop-chop.

Come on, Amy, show us the dress.

Okay.

But I'm really stepping outside of my comfort zone here.

Uh...

I don't think any of your comfort zones are showing.

Yeah,

it's your third date... maybe you could go more sexy.

Well, some people think the sexiest organ is the brain.

No one ever bought me drinks at a bar

because my brain just popped out of my shirt.

Do you have any heels higher than this?

He's pretty tall.

Ooh. Ooh, tall!

Finally some details about this mystery man.

Yeah, come on, tell us more.

Well, I told you his name and that he's tall.

What more do you need?

Did you kiss him yet?

Just a little peck on the lips.

Well, we're your best friends... give us one more detail

and we promise we'll leave you alone.

Fine. Um...

he's British.

All right, that is a juicy one.

All right, where is Tall British Dave taking you?

Tea and basketball?

To that new Italian place on Walnut.

Oh, nice.

I'm gonna go look for other shoes. Good luck.

I threw out all my tall ones when I married Leonard.

Hey, you want

to swing by that place tonight and get a look at this guy?

We don't even know what time they're gonna be there.

I'll just call the restaurant,

pretend I'm Amy and check the reservation.

Damn, you're sneaky.

Yeah, but I'm little, so it's adorable.

I think the quickest way to find you a new girlfriend

is just to get you on every dating Web site out there.

Are you sure?

I've heard that on those sites, often when you think

you're corresponding with someone, it's actually a computer program

pretending to be a real person.

And you're afraid it'll do a better job than you?

Excuse me.

No one does a better job

pretending to be a person than I do.

Siri comes close, but I know more jokes.

If you don't want to use dating Web sites,

what do you suggest?

Off the top of my head? Uh, prospective women

weed themselves out in a battle of wits

until only one champion remains,

she shows up at my door flush with the thrill of victory,

and then sits quietly by my side while I watch Daredevil.

You seriously think women would fight for you?

People compete for jobs and trophies... why not me?

He's right... he knows a lot of jokes.

Yeah... no, but it is basic human nature.

If we present him as a prize, maybe they would.

Well, he's smart,

he's a respected scientist...

And I have the soulful eyes of a cow.

I don't know if I'd say you...

Oh.

I have an idea.

What if we put a post on Craigslist that says:

"World-class Caltech physicist seeking girlfriend.

"If interested,

solve the following puzzles for a chance to meet him."

Oh, we'll make the puzzles extremely challenging

to eliminate unworthy candidates.

Oh, we could set it up like a scavenger hunt where

the last puzzle gives the winner Sheldon's contact information.

Well, this is actually an interesting social experiment.

I'm a little jealous of the people who get to do it.

Me, too.

And we've seen the prize.

I don't understand why we're leaving so early for the movie.

Oh, I forgot to tell you... we're gonna meet up

with Bernadette to spy on Amy and her date.

What?

I don't want to do that.

What, and you think I want to see a documentary

about aluminum can recycling?

This is the movie

Big Soda doesn't want you to see.

No, it's the movie your wife doesn't want you to see.

So you're actually okay

with invading your friend's privacy?

You're not curious who she's out with?

Not really.

But you're curious about aluminum cans.

You're a weird little guy.

That's it. The Sheldon Cooper Girlfriend Challenge

is officially live.

Congratulations. This is exciting.

Right now,

somewhere, a woman is dividing the atomic weight

of the best noble gas by the number of colors

in the oldest national flag still in use... Then using

that number as the average speed to calculate the travel time

from Mordor to the Shire. And...

taking her first step towards a lifetime

of laughter, love and, best of all, rules.

I-I hope we didn't make the puzzles too hard.

Well... if she can solve them, it'll prove she's intelligent,

tenacious and... so socially awkward

she has nothing better to do on a Saturday night.

Golly, she sounds too good to be true.

This is fun. I haven't dated much

since my divorce.

Well, I'm having a good time, too.

If you don't mind me asking, why did you and your wife split up?

Oh, you know how it is... we wanted different things.

I wanted children,

and she wanted a pastry chef named Jean-Philippe.

Oh, I'm... I'm so sorry.

No, it's-it's fine. It's why I left England.

It reminded me too much of her.

Cold, gloomy and easily accessed by a Frenchman through a tunnel.

Hey. So, where are they?

Across the street, in the left window.

Oh, damn it,

we should have brought binoculars.