The Big Bang Theory

Sheldon, it's not a great time! What do you want?

Hello to you, too.

I'm sorry, but this is important.

What is it?

Back to the Future 2 was in the Back to the Future 3 case,

and Back to the Future 3 was, get this,

in the Back to the Future 2 case.

So?

So, did you do that, or am I in the house with an intruder?

Sheldon, I got to go inside. It's getting rough out here.

You're dodging the question. I knew it was you.

- What was that? - What was what?

This isn't a very good connection,

But it sounded like someone just released a Kraken.

Okay, I'm hanging up now.

You know there's no such thing as a...

No!

Penny! Penny! Penny!

What's the matter?

Um...

Well, I was worried that you might be missing Leonard.

And that might be causing you to have bad dreams,

like the kind you'd get if you watched Clash of the Titans

right before you went to bed.

Sweetie, did you have a bad dream?

- To be honest, I did. - Aw.

Back to the Future 2 was in the Back to the Future 3 case.

Leonard did it.

- Good night. - No, wait.

Perhaps I should sleep here, so you don't miss Leonard as much,

'cause you're being kind of a baby about it.

You know what? That would make me feel better.

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

Good night.

I think you'd be pleased to hear that this morning in the parking garage,

I saw this oil stain on the ground that was shaped just like

my ex-girlfriend, Lucy, and I didn't get upset at all.

I'm proud of you.

Well, you should be, 'cause she was looking good.

Dear Lord! You're an astronomer.

Although you may have earthly woes, get your mind back on the stars.

Gee, even the lowly dung beetle chooses to plot its course

- by using the Milky Way. - Is that true?

Everything I say is true.

Now, of course, the dung beetle also enjoys

eating feces, living in feces and making little balls out of feces.

So, you know, pick and choose which aspects of its lifestyle

you want to embrace.

Come on, you can talk to girls now.

It shouldn't be hard for you to meet someone new.

How can I meet someone new when everywhere I look, I see Lucy's face?

Tell me you don't see her smile in the crust of this chicken pot pie.

Would you stop it!

Now, listen to me.

There's a welcome party for incoming post-docs tonight.

Go to it and meet someone who isn't made of grease or pie.

You think you're so cool because your wife is a person?

Look, Bernie's at a neuroscience conference with Amy.

- I'll go with you. - You would do that for me?

Of course. You're my friend. I want you to be happy.

Thanks.

Oh, Sheldon, since Amy's out of town, would you like to join us?

I want you to be happy, too,

but not enough to do anything about it.

Howie, stop. I can't talk like that. Amy's right here.

Sheldon, stop. For the last time, I will not bring home bed bugs.

The hotel's nice. There's a pool, a gym,

the bar looks like fun.

Because I looked in the bed, and there are no bugs.

I love you, too. If I don't talk to you before you go to sleep,

- I'll meet you in dreamland. - Good night.

No, I will not consider sleeping in my garment bag.

Penny, did you ever wonder how Starfleet captains...

No.

Well, now that I've piqued your interest,

welcome to the exciting world of 3D chess.

Why don't you just admit you only want to play this game

because you always play it with Leonard and you miss him?

You overestimate his significance in my life.

Hm...

Do I miss how he makes a face on my toaster waffle with syrup?

No.

Do I miss the way he fixes the zipper on my jacket when it gets stuck?

I don't think so.

Do I miss how we say good night to each other

through the walls of our bedroom using Morse Code?

Okay, I get it, I get it. You are an emotionless robot.

Well, I try.

All right, let's just get this stupid game over with.

- Great. I'll go first. - Okay.

By the way, how are you with zippers?

- Why? - Well, I really need

to go to the bathroom, and this one's gone all cattywampus.

Wow, your work on jellyfish neural nets sounds so interesting.

It is. You can download my paper off the university server.

I will. You can download my paper on the Van Allen Belts

- from the university server as well. - I will.

All right.

How'd it go?

Well, if you like dry, factual statements

interspersed with painful moments of silence, it was bananas.

Check it out. Mrs. Davis from Human Resources is here.

She's probably on the lookout for sexual harassment.

Oh, great. There go my chances of being sexually harassed.

I heard her husband left her for a hot, young undergrad.

That's so much better than the old, ugly ones.

Mr. Wolowitz, Dr. Koothrappali.

Mrs. Davis, nice to see you.

You know, I recently read a fascinating article

- on infidelity among penguins. - Okay.

So if the fact that your husband left you

makes you feel unattractive, just remember, penguins get cheated on,

and they're adorable.

It was better when you couldn't talk to women.

I was thinking of going to the lecture

on posterior cingulate cortex lesions

in the formation of autobiographical memory.

Oh, brain lesions are fascinating.

Unless they're yours, then they're a drag.

To the advancement of science.

And to the sick and dying who make it possible.

This is fun. We never really get to talk shop with Penny around.

We usually just end up talking about boys.

Which is fine, but it's nice to mix it up

with a little intellectual conversation.

From the two gentlemen at the bar.

Oh, my gosh, boys bought us drinks! Boys bought us drinks!

Thank you, thank you, thank you so much.

- Be cool. - You be cool!

Guys are hitting on us, and not just to get to Penny.

You're right. Thank you!

- Oh! Bad move. - Really? Why?

My queen can now take your rook from below.

So that means I lose, right? It's over!

If I make this move...

But I won't because we're having too much fun.

- Okay, let's take a break. - We're all out of alcohol.

I wasn't going to get alcohol.

Gosh, I wonder what Leonard's doing right now. I miss him so much.

Well, if you'd like, we could call him.

I mean that you could call him.

As I've explained, the absence of my friends does not cause me pain.

As rock and roll bad boy Paul Simon once said,

"I am a rock. I am an iiiisland."

- I'm calling him. - Oh, goodie! Put him on speakerphone!

Excuse me, ladies, but my pants are buzzing.

North Sea, how can I "kelp" you?

- Leonard? - Penny?

Hey, it's Penny. Everybody say "Hi" to Penny.

Hi, Penny!

Ha! Sounds like you're having a good time.

Best time of my life!

- Isn't it 5:30 in the morning there? - Is it?

Hey, everybody, it's 5:30 in the morning!

Okay, well, we were just calling you because we were missing you.

- Iceberg! - Oh! Hang on.

- Are you in danger? - No, it's a drinking game.