The Big Bang Theory

Previously on The Big Bang Theory...

Can you believe our little lamb is finally getting married?

He can't believe it.

And neither can I.

Hi, Dad. How you doing?

: Then by the power vested in me...

...I now pronounce you husband and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

Good morning, wife.

Good morning, husband.

I can't believe we're actually married.

It's official. According to tradition,

we should hang the bedsheets outside

so the villagers can see that we consummated.

I don't think that that's appropriate,

considering where we're starting our honeymoon.

Well, I suppose you're right.

Although, when you think about it,

Lego is the perfect metaphor for marital congress.

Two pieces that interlock with a satisfying snap.

Oh, that's the sound you were making.

Oh, I almost forgot.

While you were sleeping, I ordered room service.

Really?

Voilà!

You thought it was going to be food, didn't you?

Is it nice having Sheldon and Amy away on their honeymoon?

Yeah, because now Leonard and I get all this alone time.

But you're not alone. We're here.

Yes. (sighs) Yes, you are.

Would you like us to leave so you and Leonard can talk about

all the things you have in common?

Ha, ha, she called your bluff.

So, something pretty cool happened.

Channel 3 asked me to be on the news tomorrow night

to talk about the meteor shower.

Oh, that's great. Hey! Congratulations.

You know, that's how Neil deGrasse Tyson got his start.

He went from the Hayden Planetarium

to guesting on the local news

to ruining everyone's favorite movies on the Internet.

Now it's happening to me.

Ooh, I should probably make a list

of all the scientific inaccuracies in Mamma Mia 2.

You're gonna go on live TV and admit you've seen that movie?

Hey, your husband's the one who took me.

Meryl Streep and Cher? Yeah, I saw it.

Sounds like someone's in there.

My God, what if Sheldon and Amy are getting robbed?

Or worse, what if they're back early?

They're not; they just posted a picture

in front of the Statue of Liberty.

Real or Lego? Lego.

So, what should we do? Should someone go check it out?

I would, but I got to be on TV tomorrow.

Got to protect the money.

Oh, yeah, someone's definitely in there.

Okay, let's go into our apartment.

We'll lock the door, we'll call the pol...

Hello?! Anyone in there?!

Yes? Oh, uh, Mr. Fowler.

Sorry, we didn't know you were here.

We-we actually thought someone was breaking in. (chuckles)

And we were ready to take them down.

Amy asked me to water her plants.

She doesn't have any plants.

Oh.

Well, you caught me in a lie.

Have a good day.

That was weird, right?

Was it? I-I honestly can't tell anymore.

Hey, did you even see Mamma Mia 1?

Didn't need to. The sequel stands on its own.

Here you go.

If you need any recommendations while visiting New York,

please don't hesitate to contact me.

Well, it is our honeymoon.

So we are going to be quite busy.

Got it.

Harry Potter play, parts one and two.

And tomorrow, a tour of the sites

where Nikola Tesla lived, worked and slowly went crazy.

And, of course, coitus.

Ah.

Well, enjoy New York. And, I guess, coitus.

Really, Sheldon?

You want to do it again?

Don't act surprised.

It's clearly marked on the schedule.

Now,

shall we steam the wrinkles out of our wizard robes,

or make vigorous, socially sanctioned love?

Either way, I can check something off my to-do list.

Socially sanc-- Oh, wow. Yeah, there it is right there.

Uh, hurry. Raj is on next.

All right. I can't believe they canceled Vampire Diaries

but they'll show this.

This is the news.

And that was a woman torn between two hunky vampires.

What is your point?

Larry? I know you're in there!

Is that Amy's mom?

Let me in.

: Let me in!

Either that or the Big Bad Wolf.

Larry?

Mrs. Fowler, are you okay?

Oh, I'm okay. It's my husband you should worry about.

Oh, we do.

Larry, come on.

I don't think he's in there.

I mean, he came by to water the imaginary plants,

but then he left.

You are so naive.

Blondie here is gonna chew you up and spit you out.

Well, don't tell him.

Come on, you have an extra key. Open it up.

All right, but I'm telling you

he's not in there.

There. See?

Oh, he's in here.

I can smell his Axe body spray.

He wears Axe body spray.

You happy? You smell like Amy's dad.

Larry? Ooh, come on.

Ah, shouldn't we mind our own business?

Wow, sometimes it's like you don't know me at all.

See, he's not here.

You don't know him like I do.

To be fair, we don't know either of you.

Satisfied?

Oh, yeah, now I smell him.

Man, that is one hot weather girl.

How come if I say that I get in trouble?

You want to say it? You can say it.

Nice try.

You're gonna have to find some other way

to not have sex with me tonight.

And it's not weather girl, it's weather woman.

And with us today to talk about

the upcoming meteor shower and the best places to view it,

Caltech astrophysicist Dr. Rajesh Koothrappali.

Thank you for being here. Thank you for having me.

I guess Neil deGrasse Tyson was unavailable.

Yeah.

What do you mean, "yeah"?

Not important.

So, what can we expect to see from

this meteor shower?

Well, I think you can count on a lot of flaming gas,

which is what you would have gotten

from your first choice, Neil deGrasse Tyson.

Pull up, Raj, pull up!

Sounds like there's no love lost between you and Dr. Tyson.

Oh, no, I love Neil.

I mean, not as much as Neil loves Neil, but who does, right?

I want to look away, but I can't.

Oh, you know, I'm told we are out of time, (chuckles)

having learned nothing about meteor showers

and too much about Dr. Koothrappali.

Thank you.

Do you know what I love about Broadway theater?

It's so interactive.

Uh-huh.

You're so close to the actors. It's like you're in the play.

Uh-huh.

I mean, you yell, "Harry, watch out,"

he looks right at you.

And not just Harry, everyone onstage.

At the risk of sounding redundant, uh-huh.

All right, well, it's a bit late,

but I did block out the rest of the evening

for conjugal relations.

Should we shower?

I mean before, not during.

That's how you fall and break a hip.

You know, I'm a little jet-laggy.

Maybe we can revisit this in the morning.

Oh, no can do. If we miss tonight,

it's not scheduled until Thursday at 6:00.

And that'll have to be "no frills,"

'cause we've got a 6:30 reservation at Benihana.

Sheldon, do we really have to do this on a schedule?

Are you suggesting spontaneity?

I-I guess, yeah.

So, now that we're married, sex can occur at any time?

Like, we can be brushing our teeth,

and suddenly your minty-fresh tongue is in my mouth?

No, thank you.

Really? Would it be so bad to mix it up a little?

Mix it up? Who are you, Betty Crocker?

Where are you going?

Uh, to take a shower.

Now that sex can happen at any time,

I always have to be ready.

Should probably live under a waterfall.

Well, you don't have to worry about sex happening tonight.

Oh. Well, thanks, but I'm still gonna rinse off.

I touched a lot of stuff in the gift shop.