Will & Grace

- -I don't understand this.

I mean, what's going on right now?

What exactly are we watching?

This would be called a basketball game.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

And where is this all taking place?

That's Madison Square Garden.

That's a sports auditorium now?

It's the world's most famous sports arena.

But I can see how that fact may have eluded you given that your entire knowledge of sports

consists of giggling every time you hear the word "balls."

-Gets me every time. -I know.

Oh, sorry I'm late. There was this homeless guy who wanted money,

but I thought he's just gonna spend it on booze, so

I took him to the Korean market and told him,

"Okay, you can get up to, like two pounds of salad."

But then I thought, "Who am I to tell him he shouldn't have booze?" So,

I took him to the liquor store and got him two pounds of malt liquor.

-Was that true? -Saks had a shoe sale.

See, Grace, not only do your lies have too much detail,

they're also socially irresponsible.

Look. Buckles.

Grace, check it out. This is amazing.

Hmm?

Tall, muscular lovelies

in nothing but short-shorts and matching tank tops.

Why would straight guys watch this?

If I knew why straight guy did anything,

do you think I'd be hanging out with you two homos?

-Have you seen Matt yet? -Yeah, he's right there. Right on the sidelines.

About four clicks west of Spike Lee.

Just right beside that little girl and her grandpa.

Uh, that s Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas.

Oh.

Matt looks good on TV.

Doesn't he? That's my man.

My squeeze.

My steady fella.

No wonder I was alone for so long.

Ring. Hello? What's that?

I'm bored? Yeah, thanks for calling. Bye-bye.

-Hey. -Hey.

Great game tonight, yeah.

You were-- You were really something out there.

You gave 110%.

You know, and I mean-- Wow!

-You were just jumping so high. -I'm the towel boy.

Well, you-- you look dry.

And in spite of tonight's loss, there's still a good chance this team will make the playoffs,

providing all the other teams in the league get swallowed by a giant fish.

It's Matt Moshea reporting live from the visitors' locker room.

Great, thanks. Thanks a lot.

-Hey, TV person. -Hey, you.

I thought I'd come down to surprise you. Congratulations.

You did it. And you looked great.

Oh, I don't care about that.

How great?

Really great.

So what do you think of my office?

What's not to like? You're surrounded by naked men with an average shoe size of 17.

It's all good.

-How about a little-- a little dinner? -Mmm, I'd love that.

-Hey, Matt! -Harry, hey! What are you doing here?

Checking out the naked guys in the locker room.

I saw the feed. I wanted to let you know you did okay.

Uh, oh, about the fish joke at the end--

-Ha ha! Yeah? -Lose it.

-People want to laugh, let 'em watch the weather. -Okay, no fish humor.

-I'm Will. -Oh, God. I'm so sorry.

-This is Harry Zalen, station manager-- my boss. -Oh. Hi.

-Who are you? -I'm, uh, Matt's..

Brother. Will's my brother.

Karen, I've had an awakening.

There are certain things in this world that desperately need changing,

and I am committing every fiber of my being to changing them.

As we speak, there is a gun-control rally going on in Times Square,

and I say let's join our brothers and sisters in fighting the good fight.

-Nah. -All right. Let's go to lunch.

Can't, honey. I'm busy.

What you doing?

Oh, just doing a little last-minute shopping for the step-kiddies.

Oh.

Honey... Do you think Mason will like this?

I don't know. Does he need steak knives?

Oh, honey,

if you'd ever seen him work his way through a porterhouse,

you wouldn't be asking that question.

So what's the gift for, anyway?

What do you mean, Jack?

Christmas? Hello!

Karen, Christmas was months ago.

Don't you remember? That was the day you let Rosario call her kids.

God, I mean, when's the last time you checked your calendar?

Well, I don't need a calendar. When my pills run out, I just go back to Pharmacist.

But did I miss anything good?

No, not too much. New Year's...

Martin Luther King Day...

"Pick Stan up from the hospital."

Oh, that's where he is.

And that brings us back to today.

Oh! Kare!

The Black-and-White Ball's this weekend.

"Ball's."

Is it time for that again already?

Oh, I hate these formal affairs, honey.

Everybody's gonna be there. Mr. and Mrs. Marlo Thomas,

Mr. and Mrs. Connie Chung, Mr. and Mrs. Hilary Clinton.

Looks like you're gonna have to pull out the big guns.

Yeah.

Bang! Bang!

You're supposed to let me blow.

Okay, honey. Get ready.

Bang! Bang!

Ooh, listen. How about you come with me tomorrow morning

to the safe deposit box and help me pick out my jewels, okay?

I'll bring the truffles and the chardonnay, and you bring that tight little butt of yours!

I love it!

Okay, Karen, we've got a crazy work day ahead. I've got back-to-back clients coming in,

an installation at 2:00, and there's a ton of Xeroxing and faxing that has to happen.

So in order to get any of that done I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.

You're the boss.

I am so upset right now, I-- I can't even speak!

Yeah, well, if I had those crazy little chicken arms, I'd be-- Oooh!

Look out, he's gonna blow!

I'm sorry. I can't have lunch today.

You know, I'm walking over here, and with every step,

I'm getting madder and madder. I mean, he called me his brother!

I know. I told you last night. Break up with him.

And lying like that, right in front of me!

And see, I swear, it's-- it's the second most humiliating thing

that's ever happened to me in a locker room.

-You should break up with him. -And what does he expect me to do, go back in the closet?

Hey, it's a little late. I just bought my first pair of man-clogs, okay?

-You should break up with him. -I--I don't know what to do!

-Break up with him. -Actually, you know what? I do.

I-I'm breaking up with him. How about that?

You got man-clogs?

So tell me what happened with Matt.

Uh, you won't believe it. He asked me to try and understand.

Ugh! I hate it when men ask you to understand.

Why don't they just be honest and tell you to shut up?

Then he went on and on about how he works in sports, and he's on the air now,

so he can't be as open as he'd like to be.

What a load!

All right, what did we say to him?

I just said, "Hey, I'm an out and proud gay man.

I'm not about to go back in the closet for the sake of a relationship."

Oh, that is so good!

That is so right! We're here. We're queer, and he better get used to it!

As far as I'm concerned it's over, and there's nothing he could say to change my mind.

Oh, I hope he cried.

What did he say?

He said he likes me.

Oh, that pig!

What kind of idiot does he take us for?

- -It's open!

Hey, Will, sorry I'm early.

Hey, Grace. I got a cab downstairs. We should get going.

Did I mention that he said he likes me?

Honey, put my necklaces away. You have your own jewels to play with.

Thank you so much.

And I promise...

As this year's Miss Pregnant Teen America...

to represent all pregnant teens...

Whether they be man, woman, black or white.

Thank you so much! Oh my God!

Knock it off, Miss Fire Island. I'm reminiscing.

Look at all of these. Stan has been so good to me, honey.

Oh, and all of the sweet memories they bring back. Hmm.

On my knees in Belize.

Oh!

On my back in Iraq.

Oh! Oh! And then there was that time in Nantucket!

That was a good one.

Good times.

Well, good jewels, anyway.

Oh, look, Kare. Stan's will. Do you have a will?

Honey, why do I need a will? I'm gonna live forever.

That is the deal, isn't it, Red?

Okay.

Wait a minute. I haven't seen that version.

You gonna open it?

That is a private legal document.

That would be a betrayal of everything that's sacred in our marriage.

-Can I open it? -That'll work.

-There. -Give me that. Come on, Come on.

Let's just see where everything's going.

Ooh.

Stan's mother isn't getting anything.