Will & Grace

I just met the cutest guy...

at the video store, shamelessly flirting with me.

Through his girlfriend, but I picked up on it.

- What movie did you get? - "Star Wars."

Oh, again?

Jack, I'm dreaming of Jabba the Hutt.

That's 'cause you live with him.

Anyways, I'm collecting data to put on the Internet.

The world should know the truth about C-3PO.

Jack, C-3PO is not gay, he's British.

Oh, R-2. Come back here. My circuits burn for you.

You really should get another hobby besides outing robots.

He thinks every robot is gay.

Uh, hello? "Lost In Space?"

"Danger, danger, Will Robinson."

Big space queen.

- Oh, I'll get it. - No.

We're screeners.

You don't screen when I call, do you?

- No. - Mmm, no, no.

Grace: Hi, we're not in. Leave a message at the tone.

Bobbi: Hi, Grace.

You should change your message.

Have a little fun, like

Oh, I just made that up.

Anyhoo, I'm coming to the Grand Apple for a few days...

It's the Big Apple.

Bobbi: I'll see you when I get in, honey. Bye.

Who the hell was that nut?

That nut was my mother.

Danger, danger, Grace Adler.

Will, let's go over it again.

Gracie, I think you're ready.

Will, my mother's coming in without

my father, a.k.a. the buffer.

I need to be prepared.

Okay, mother shield up.

Judgment deflector activated.

Fire away.

Honey, I'm just so thrilled

about you and your little pillow store

but did I tell you the "Schenectady Times" said that

my performance in "Rent" stole the show!

Well, I'm not surprised.

I mean, look at you, mom.

You were born to play an adolescent struggling

with homelessness and heroin addiction.

And uh, by the way

that little pillow store

is actually a thriving enterprise that--

Hey, hey, you're getting a very high hostility reading.

God, oh, God. I'm goin' down.

She-- she-- she's gonna nail me.

I could... I bet you, within the first five seconds,

she's gonna be all over my--

- Hair? Nails? - No. No.

- Clothes? - Okay.

This is a little too much fun for you.

- Love life? - No, stop it!

She's gonna say that I'm ruining my life,

that I'm never gonna meet anyone

because I'm living with a gay guy.

A gay guy? Is he cute?

Not at the moment.

Okay, deep breath. Chin up.

You always part your hair like that?

I'm kidding, the hair is good. The hair is good.

Will, I think my mother's here.

Come on, darling. Give mother a hug.

- Hi, mom. - Mmm, you look gorgeous.

Change the shoes.

Shoes? How could I miss that?

Is it my imagination,

or do you get handsomer and handsomer?

Mm. Well, it's true.

I get handsomer by the minute.

I've got time-lapse photos that would amaze you.

Grace, Grace, how do you like my new suit?

Look, look, look, no panty line,

because no panties.

Oh, there was just no preparing for that one.

Mini muffins. They think they're so cute.

Hmm. Someone sent those to the house for Rosario,

but she's in the hospital having her stomach stapled, so...

I don't think she'll be needing them.

Your maid is having her stomach stapled?

No, honey, I'm having her stomach stapled.

Come on, girls. Jump in.

Ma, there's no singing here.

Mmm, honey, I love you.

Oh, honey, so do I.

Oh, let's go shopping.

We'll spend your dowry.

Might as well put it to some use.

Alright.

Okay, mom, but before we go, get it out.

What?

What you've been dying to tell me

ever since you got here.

Oh, let's see, I did the, uh,

I did the office, I did the shoes. What'd I leave out?

Oh, um, hair, makeup, combination skin...

Hello? You work for me.

That's what I'm doin', honey.

Honey, just tell me what you want me

to criticize, and I'll do it.

I want you to be happy.

Okay, mom, uh,

you want to tell me that I should get my own place

because I'm wasting my life

and my time living with a gay man,

so, come on, tell me.

And why would I say that? Will's great.

I think you should live with Will as long as you want.

Okay, I don't know what kind of sick game

you're playing, lady, but I want no part of it.

There is no game, dear. I love Will.

As a matter of fact, what would really make me happy

is that the two of you got married.

I'd like to see that one.

Wait, wait. What? Mom? Mom, Will is gay.

Oh, I know that. I'm in the theater.

That's why it's so perfect.

You know, how long do you think

the "sex" thing is going to last?

Hmm? You see, the best relationship ends up

like the two of you are now, good friends.

So jump in. I think a June wedding.

I'd like to go strapless.

Well, that would certainly fit in with no panties.

- Mom, you're insane. - Why?

You know, I-- I think that you may even have

topped the time that you came on

to my prom date as Zsa Zsa Gabor.

Oh, but darling, I adored his ruffled shirt.

Ladies and gentlemen,

fresh from 45 minutes of butt-robics, I give you...

my ass.

You must be Jack.

And you must be Bobbi Adler? Of course.

Fabuloso Jewess from Schenectady. Loving you!

Loving your whole tribe. Come here.

- Oh! - Gimme a kiss.

Oh, well, we'll start with that.

Anybody want to touch, feel, poke? Caress?

Only if I can get a Silkwood scrub-down afterwards.

I'll take a shot.

Oh, you've done this before, haven't you?

Okay, that just bought me five years on the couch.

Come on, honey, we'll go shopping,

and we'll get you a nice yellow blouse, on me.

And since I hate yellow, that's exactly

where it'll end up. On you.

Ooh, free food.

Well, thank God they're gone.

Listen, Jack, I need to talk to you about somethin'.

It's kind of important.

I'm all ears... and one high butt.

Yeah.

Well, actually, it's kind of a funny story.

A few weeks ago, it was Stan's birthday,

and I forgot to get him a present.

I mean, how am I supposed to remember something like that?

Right.

Anyway, long story short, I think I might be pregnant.

Oh...

Oh, Karen, I-- I...

hope you don't forget my birthday.

Okay, boys, last card.

Down and dirty.

And feel free to come down and get me dirty sometime.

Hah! Gin!

Well, I'll be darned, that is gin.

It's too bad the rest of us are playing poker.

Yeah, that is too bad.

No, Karen, we're all playing poker, even you.

Wow. The gays really love their rules.

What do you got, Jack?

One pair of fabulous cheeks.

Oh, I got nothin'.

Well, read 'em and weep, ladies.

Full house, aces over tens.

Oh, poor little old me, and all I have is these little twos.

- Oh. - Four of these little twos.

Mother... Adler wins again.

Well, I think I'm gonna have a drink. Who's with me?

Martini, honey. And don't waste any space with those olives.

Hang on. She'll have a ginger ale.

Karen, we talked about this.