The Big Bang Theory

Oh, boy.

What?

I can't comment without violating our agreement

that I don't criticize your work.

Then what was "Oh, boy"?

Great restraint on my part.

There's nothing wrong with the science here.

Perhaps you mean a different thing than I do

when you say, "Science."

Okay, how's that?

You actually had it right in the first place

Once again, you've fallen

for one of my classic pranks.

Bazinga!

Now here's a peculiar e-mail.

The president of the university wants me to meet him

at his office tomorrow morning at 8:00 a.m.

Why? It doesn't say.

It must be an emergency.

Everyone at the university knows I eat breakfast at 8:00

and move my bowels at 8:20.

Yes, how did we live before Twitter?

I guess you'll find out what it is in the morning.

That's 14 hours away.

For the next 840 minutes,

I'm effectively one of Heisenberg's particles;

I know where I am or I know how fast I'm going,

but I can't know both.

Yet how am I supposed to carry on

with this huge annoying thing hovering over my head?

Yeah, I know the feeling.

* Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state *

* Then nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started... Wait! *

* The Earth began to cool

* The autotrophs began to drool, Neanderthals developed tools *

* We built the Wall * We built the pyramids *

* Math, Science, History, unraveling the mystery *

* That all started with a big bang *

Leonard? Leonard?

Leonard?

Sheldon, it's 2:00 in the morning.

Why is everybody keep telling me what time it is?

Everybody?

You, the president

of the university, his wife,

their sullen teenage daughter.

That entire family is fascinated by what time it is

and whether people know it.

You went to President Seibert's house

in the middle of the night?

He didn't respond to my e-mail,

his phone number is unlisted.

Tell me what my other option was.

You could have waited until morning.

I know, look who I'm talking to.

Do you remember the grant proposal I submitted

to the National Science Foundation

to detect slow-moving monopoles

at the magnetic North Pole?

Hardly a day goes by when I don't think about it.

Aw, how nice.

Well, a space opened up

at the last minute on the NSF expedition to the Arctic Circle.

Wait a minute.

He offered to send you to the North Pole?

Yes.

In fact, he was quite enthusiastic.

He said, "Frankly,

if I could send you tonight, I would."

Okay, well, do you want to go?

Of course not.

I'm a theoretical physicist.

A career I chose in no small part because it's indoors,

but if I'm able to detect

slow-moving magnetic monopoles there,

I will be the scientis to confirm string theory.

People will write books about me.

Third-graders will create macaroni-art dioramas

depicting scenes from my life.

Sure, maybe a tableau of me trying to pummel you to death.

Sarcasm?

Maybe.

I'm on the horns of a dilemma.

Can you imagine me, Sheldon Cooper, at the North Pole?

Easy peasy, I'm doing it right now.

I'm not good with cold, Leonard.

How often have we had to leave a movie theater

because I got a headache

from drinking the Icee too fast?

I can't go.

Well, then don't go.

How can you say that?

The scientific opportunity of a lifetime

presents itself and my best friend says "Don't go."

All right, then go.

Listen to you.

How can I possibly go?

Sheldon, what are the words I can say right now

to end this conversation and let me go back to sleep?

Odd, President Seibert posed the exact same question.

How was it resolved?

It wasn't. His wife set their dogs on me

and rendered the question moot.

Just imagine. If he says yes,

we'll have an entire summer without Sheldon.

We could play outside.

We could sit on the left side

of the couch.

I could use the bathroom at 8:20.

Our dreams are very small, aren't they?

Good news, gentlemen, I have tentatively accepted...

Yeah!

Whoo-hoo!

...the invitation to join the Arctic Expedition.

It's not gonna be the same without you. Godspeed.

Thank you,

but your sentiments may be premature.

Ooh, I don't like where this is going.

I would like to propose...

that the three of you accompany me.

To the North Pole?

Yes.

Is this just so we won't touch your stuff

while you're away?

I'll admit that was a concern.

But the fact is,

I'll need a support team.

And the three of you

are my first choice.

Really?

Well, there are others who might be more qualified,

but the thought of interviewing them gave me a stomachache.

Now, I know I'm proposing an enormous undertaking,

so why don't you take a few moments to discuss it?

We're not really gonna go to the North Pole

with him, are we?

I'm still within earshot!

You may want to wait for my door to close.

We're not really gonna go

to the North Pole with him, are we?

Hang on. Let's talk about it.

This is a National Science Foundation expedition.

I don't know how we can turn it down.

Easy. Instead of saying, "No, we don't want to go on an NSF expedition,"

say, "No, we don't want to spend

"three months stuck in a cabin in the Arctic Circle

with an anal nutbag."

But if we were part of the team that confirmed string theory,

we could drink for free in any bar in any college town

with a university that has a strong science program.

Howard, this is big science.

You could be the engineer who builds the equipment

that puts us on the cover of magazines.

I could also be the engineer

who builds the crossbow that kills Sheldon.

You still might get on a magazine.

So you guys are seriously considering this?

Yes. And you think you can put up with Sheldon?

Well, I'm a Hindu.

My religion teaches that if we suffer in this life

we are rewarded in the next.

Three months at the North Pole with Sheldon,

and I'm reborn as a well-hung billionaire with wings!

Well, gentlemen, have you reached a decision?

I'm in.

Me, too.

Oh, damn it. Peer pressure. Fine.

Excellent.

Just an FYI,

as I am the expedition's team leader,

protocol dictates that be phrased, "Fine, sir."

But don't worry,

there will be a briefing.

Penny.

Sheldon.

Penny.

Sheldon.

Penny.

Sheldon.

Penny.

Sheldon.

Penny!

Sheldon!

Penny!

What do you want?

I need access to the Cheesecake Factory's walk-in freezer.

Now, honey, I already told you, the hamburger meat is fresh and stored at a safe temperature.

No. This is to train for a three-month expedition to the magnetic North Pole.

What?

I don't know how that sentence

could possibly confuse you...

but to elaborate, I'm going to the Arctic Circle

with Leonard, Wolowitz and Koothrappali.

You're all going?

Yes. For three months?

Yes.

Excuse me.

Is that a yes or a no on the freezer?

The woman has the attention span of a gnat.

Hey, Leonard. Hey.