The Big Bang Theory

Okay, if no one else will say it, I will.

We really suck at paintball.

That was absolutely humiliating.

Oh, come on. Some battles you win, some battles you lose.

Yes, but you don't have to lose to Kyle Bernstein's bar mitzvah party.

I think we have to acknowledge, those were some fairly savage preadolescent Jews.

No, we were annihilated by our own incompetence...

...and the inability of some people to follow the chain of command.

Sheldon, let it go.

No, I wanna talk about the fact that Wolowitz shot me in the back.

I shot you for a good reason. You were leading us into disaster.

I was giving clear, concise orders.

You hid behind a tree yelling:

"Get the kid in the yarmulke! Get the kid in the yarmulke!"

- Oh, hey, guys. - Oh, hey, Penny.

- Hello. - Morning, ma'am.

So how was paintball? Did you have fun?

Sure, if you consider being fragged by your own troops fun.

You clear a space on your calendar. There will be an inquiry.

Okay. Um....

I'm having a party on Saturday, so if you're around, come by.

- A party? - Yeah.

A boy-girl party?

There will be boys and there will be girls...

...and it is a party, so....

Just a bunch of my friends, have some beer, do a little dancing.

- Dancing? - Yeah.

- I don't know, Penny-- - Thing is, we're not--

- We're really more of a-- - No.

But thanks. Thanks for thinking of us.

Are you sure? It's Halloween.

A Halloween party?

As in costumes?

Well, yeah.

Is there a theme?

Um, yeah, Halloween.

Yes, but are the costumes random or genre-specific?

As usual, I'm not following.

He's asking if we can come as anyone from science fiction...

- ...fantasy.... - Sure.

- Comic books? - Fine.

- Anime? - Of course.

TV, film, D&D, manga. Greek, Roman, Norse gods--

Anything you want.

Okay? Any costume you want.

Bye.

Gentlemen, to the sewing machines.

I'll get it.

Psshoo.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Make way for the fastest man alive.

Oh, no.

See, this is why I wanted to have a costume meeting.

We all have other costumes. We can change.

Or we could walk right behind each other all night.

It'll look like one person going really fast.

No, no, no.

It's a boy-girl party, this Flash runs solo.

Okay, how about this? Nobody gets to be the Flash.

We all change. Agreed?

Agreed.

I call Frodo!

Damn.

Hey.

Sorry I'm late, but my hammer got stuck in the door on the bus.

- You went with Thor? - What?

Just because I'm Indian, I can't be a Norse god?

No, no, no, Raj has to be an Indian god.

That's racism.

I mean, look at Wolowitz. He's not English, but he's dressed like Peter Pan.

Sheldon is neither sound nor light, but he's obviously the Doppler effect.

- I'm not Peter Pan, I'm Robin Hood. - Really?

Because I saw Peter Pan and you're dressed exactly like Cathy Rigby.

She was a little bigger than you, but it's basically the same look, man.

Sheldon, there's something I wanna talk to you about before we go.

I don't care if anybody gets it, I'm going as the Doppler effect.

- No, it's not that-- - If I have to, I can demonstrate: Vroom.

Terrific. Um....

This party is my first chance for Penny...

...to see me in the context of her social group...

...and I need you not to embarrass me tonight.

What exactly do you mean by embarrass you?

For example, tonight, no one needs to know that my middle name is Leakey.

But there's nothing embarrassing about that.

Your father worked with Louis Leakey, a great anthropologist.

It had nothing to do with your bed-wetting.

All I'm saying is that this party is the perfect opportunity...

...for Penny to see me as a member of her peer group...

...a potential close friend and perhaps more.

I don't wanna look like a dork.

Just a heads up, fellas, if anyone gets lucky...

...I've got a dozen condoms in my quiver.

Oh, hey, guys.

Hey, sorry we're late.

Late? It's 7:05.

And you said the party starts at 7.

Yeah, I mean, when you start a party at 7, no one shows up at, you know, 7.

It's 7:05.

Yes, yes, it is.

Okay, well, um, come on in.

What, are all the girls in the bathroom?

Probably, but in their own homes.

So, what time does the costume parade start?

The parade?

Yeah, so the judges can give out the prizes for best costume.

Most frightening, most authentic...

...most accurate visualization of a scientific principle.

Oh, Sheldon, I'm sorry...

...but there aren't gonna be any parades or judges or prizes.

This party is just going to suck.

No, come on, it's gonna be fun. And you all look great.

I mean, look at you, Thor, and, oh, Peter Pan.

That's so cute.

- Actually, Penny, he's Robin-- - I'm Peter Pan.

And I've got a handful of pixie dust with your name on it.

No, you don't.

- Hey, what's Sheldon supposed to be? - Oh, he's the Doppler effect.

Yes, it's the apparent change in the frequency of a wave...

...caused by relative motion between the source of the wave and the observer.

Oh, sure, I see it now. The Doppler effect.

All right, I gotta shower. You guys, um, make yourselves comfortable.

Okay.

See? People get it.

Mm. By Odin's beard, this is good Chex Mix.

No, thanks. Peanuts.

I can't afford to swell up in these tights.

I'm confused.

If there's no costume parade, what are we doing here?

We're socializing, meeting new people.

Telepathically?

- Oh, hey. When did you get here? - Hi.

Penny is wearing the worst Catwoman costume I've ever seen.

And that includes Halle Berry's.

She's not Catwoman. She's just a generic cat.

And that's the kind of sloppy costuming...

...which results from a lack of rules and competition.

Hey, guys, check out the sexy nurse.

I believe it's time for me to turn my head and cough.

- What is your move? - I'm going to use the mirror technique.

She brushes her hair back, I brush mine. She shrugs, I shrug.

Subconsciously, she's thinking, "We're in sync. We belong together."

Where do you get this stuff?

You know, psychology journals, Internet research.

And there's this great show on VH1 about how to pick up girls.

Oh, if only I had his confidence.

I have such difficulty speaking to women...

...or around women, or at times even effeminate men.

If that's a working stethoscope...

...maybe you'd like to hear my heart skip a beat.

No, thanks.

No, seriously, you can. I have transient idiopathic arrhythmia.

I wanna get to know Penny's friends. I just....

I don't know how to talk to these people.

- Well, I actually might be able to help. - How so?

Like Jane Goodall observing the apes...

...I initially saw their interactions as confusing and unstructured.

But patterns emerge.

They have their own language, if you will.

Go on.

Well, it seems that the newcomer approaches the existing group...

...with the greeting, "How wasted am I?"

Which is met with an approving chorus of "Dude."

Then what happens?