Silicon Valley

Why isn't this book about tech?

I didn't write about tech because tech destroys worlds.

And I, I wanted to create...

May I have a token for the restroom, please?

So, you guys are planning to build

your own external antennas to deploy for the Hawaii test?

Why not just give away Hooli phones for the test?

I don't wanna use Hooli shit any more than you guys,

but this will get us to Hawaii.

MSNBC wanted to interview you about being

an "anti-tech evangelist."

What did Publishers Weekly say about my book?

Publishers Weekly is a...

terrible magazine, sir.

Call Maddow.

It's from Gwart.

"I'm dissolving my company and taking a job elsewhere."

I'm free to return to work with Richard.

Your position's been filled.

No, it hasn't.

Fuck yeah, right?

You see the chick in the racism car?

I banged her in the famine truck.

I-I'm sorry. What is this?

It's the trailer for my festival, RussFest.

Three days of partying, sucking, and fucking on a plot of land

so far out even Nevada barely wants it.

I'll be serving Tres Commas exclusively.

It's gonna be like Burning Man,

except I'll make a fuckton of money.

So, Earning Man?

I literally love you, you spooky fuck. So, we in?

- In what? - RussFest.

There's no internet in the middle of the desert, Richard.

Maybe that's why no one lives out there.

I don't know, I'm not an archaeologist.

All I know is they're telling me it's gonna cost

a fucking fortune to get the infrastructure out there.

Unless you guys do it for free.

- Why would we do it for free? - Because it's cool.

- It's good for your brand. - Well, Russ,

we appreciate the interest...

I like where this is going.

- But... - Fuck!

Uh, right now, we are trying to launch

a huge pilot program in Hawaii.

Dinesh is actually heading out there

first thing tomorrow morning, and I am about to sit down

with the network operations president of AT&T,

trying to close this massive deal,

but that all depends on getting Hawaii right.

There's just no way we could do both.

And you would rather do Hawaii than RussFest?

I would rather

do my own mother than RussFest.

How come whenever you guys wanna do some shit,

I'm always like, "fuck yeah!"

But whenever I wanna do some cool shit,

you guys piss all over it! You know what? Gimme this.

Have fun shoving pineapples up each other's dick holes!

And pussy holes.

You creepy fuck.

What have I been telling you, Lawrence?

Impressive. Very impressive.

- Looking forward to talking a lot more. - Yeah.

Yeah, definitely.

- Richard! - Whoo!

- Sorry. Um, how did it go? - Cool.

Well, I wanna keep it on the down-low, but, uh...

Fuck.

Is that joy?

It could not have gone better.

When they found out how much money they could save

by using us to help simplify their 5G rollout,

they practically shit themselves.

This could be bigger than we thought.

Monica, we could be on 100 million phones.

- Holy shit. - Yeah.

- Okay. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. - Yeah.

- You know, focus on Hawaii, make sure we land the plane. - Yeah.

It's weird. I actually don't know what to do

when things are going well. It is not natural.

- Yeah. - Okay.

Ha, ha, ha!

What's the newest killer app

coming out of Silicon Valley?

Would you believe ethics?

It's all thanks to our first guest,

a former big-tech CEO

turned responsible tech evangelist...

You know what? Not even this turd

is gonna bring me down right now.

Caution and accountability. Thanks for being here.

Well, I always find time for you, Gabby.

Please. No one is buying your bullshit, Gavin.

My message invigorates me.

For too long, these large tech companies

have harvested our data, they have violated our privacy,

they have tracked our every move.

They is you, you hypocrite. You did that. He did that!

Starting today, I will be asking

prominent members of the tech community

to sign their name onto this.

A code of conduct, authored by me,

that pledges them to a universal ethos,

which I created, that I call, "tech ethics,"

or, "tethics" for short.

- Oof. - Tethics. Clever.

No. No, it isn't.

Fuck that guy. Honestly, fuck that guy.

Richard, I have your tea.

No one in town is ever gonna sign

this hypocrite's

- hypocritical garbage. - Well, I'm sold.

- Can I sign? - Well, you have to lead a corporation.

Okay. And how about you at home?

Are you tethical? Tweet us @GoodDayTheBay

and let us know where you stand.

Sure, yes, I will. Get ready for some opinions.

Holden?

Why is the television on the news?

Jared, I don't need you telling me my job, okay?

Holden, um,

I know things have been a bit antagonistic between us.

We've been like, uh, Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan.

But, I've been thinking about it, and you work for Richard,

and I want what's best for him

'cause I want him to be happy, so from now on...

you're my friend.

You're my best friend.

Even if you make the occasional oopsie.

Are you fucking with me?

Why would I do that to my best friend?

- Love you like a brother. - Uh...

Absolutely not.

We haven't told you what we want yet.

- Irrelevant. - Sit down.

- Thank you. - I'd like to talk to you

about your Piper-Pulse numbers.

I'd like that, Tracy,

because I have no idea what the fuck that is.

Of course you do. It's the system that Tracy created

for employees to give feedback on senior management.

The point is, I happen to know

a lot of folks over at AT&T,

and I think it might help us

if I back-channel some of the information I've gathered.

But before I do, I'd like to tell you how you're doing.

I know how I'm doing.

I'm fucking killing it.

I'm building great shit out there.

Yes. Your acumen scores are excellent.

On a scale of one to 10, you're at a 9.9.

So, all 10's and...

- Dinesh. - But, it's your

interpersonal rating I'd like to drill down on.

It's at 1.5.

Your coworkers find you unapproachable,

rude,

and capable of great hurt

with an unsettling stare.

Okay.

We want AT&T to see a thriving company.

If you really make a concerted effort

at outreach and team building,

- you could get your numbers up. - Tracy.

I appreciate you wanting to participate

in the world of numbers.

I find it endearing.

But yours are horseshit.

They measure nothing. If I wanted to,

I could have all 10's by the end of the week.

Gilfoyle, metrics like Piper-Pulse

are a widely accepted measure

of how your peers feel about you.

Speaking of, Monica, your interpersonal is at a 2.

- What? - Huh.

No, that's just because Priyanka and her little...

witch's nest over at Foxhole are bringing my numbers down.

No. Most of your lower scores

are coming from engineers, who are 84% male.

Maybe you should try some of that outreach.

Whatever I do, I'm sure I could do it better than you.

Two days.

All 10's.

Deal.

Aloha. Aloha to you.

Aloha. Alo...

- Oh, hey, Dinesh. - What the fuck.

I like your beard.

Um, why are you here? Where's AJ?

Oh, AJ can't come. You wanted him

to become a certified scuba before the trip, right?

Yeah, so we could...

fucking scuba, Gabe.

Well, he finished all his check dives last night,

but you have to wait 24 hours before you fly,

so we decided to trade places.

- For the day? - Uh, no.

F-for-for all of it.