Silicon Valley

Ooh, fuck. Yeah, it doesn't matter.

Whoa. You okay there, Richard?

Uh... Yeah, I'm fine.

Sorry, I can't really throw it any slower.

Give it another cut, Richard.

No, I'm fine. I don't want to.

Maybe someone else wants to. Who's next?

If someone has to go, I'll go, but it seems very frightening.

You sure? You got us for the whole hour.

- Anyone? - Would it hurt your feelings if no one went?

Ladies and gentlemen,

welcome to the annual Stern Taylor Fall Classic.

I'd like to start by making a toast to our very special guest tonight,

Richard Hendricks.

Richard, after your perfect game at TechCrunch Disrupt a few weeks ago,

we fell in love with you and your tech.

Look, we know everyone in the Valley is after you,

and we know that you're probably going to go with Peter Gregory,

but we'd love to have you come play on our team.

Let Stern Taylor Capital Fund in

on your Series A financing, because together, Richard,

we'd be

a home run!

{APPLAUSE

- Oh, fight. - What do you say, Richard?

I'll do what I can.

All right. Have fun, everybody.

I don't know, man.

It's starting to feel weird letting all these firms suck up to us,

even though we're not gonna take their money.

Richard, Peter Gregory hasn't officially given us the term sheet yet.

Yes, but he will tomorrow when he gets back.

If you can't enjoy this many people kissing our ass at this level,

then I feel sorry for you.

Would you just relax and take it in for a second?

I mean, we are getting our dicks sucked at the AT&T Park.

We're standing on the field of the World Series champions.

It's totally lost on me.

Yeah, I don't give a shit, either.

Hey! I'm Nicole Stein.

I lead the Growth Team at Stern Taylor.

- Oh. I'm Dinesh. - I'm Gilfoyle.

I love it. So what do you two do at Pied Piper?

I'm the CTO.

Ah, he's joking. I'm the CTO.

Fuck you, I'm joking.

Okay, how could you be the Chief Technology Officer?

I get it. You hear the word "chief," and you think "Indian Chief."

But you're the other kind of Indian.

Okay. One, fuck you. I'm Pakistani.

And two, how could you be CTO of anything?

You have to be able to organize,

you have to be able to delegate, you have to be...

I delegate you to go get me a fucking beer

while I talk to Nicole.

George Silver, operating partner at Stern Taylor.

So, what do you do at Pied Piper?

He's the CTO.

That's Drew Houston.

We've been circling each other for the last 20 minutes.

Ooh!

The Winklevoss twins.

Look at them. They're like two genetically enhanced Ken dolls.

Do you know how much Bitcoin they're worth?

Oh, shit, they're splitting up.

Cameron's the left dominant one, right?

- I can't tell them apart. - I'm gonna come at him from the right side,

try and herd them back together without spooking them.

Watch this.

Cameron! Cameron!

- Okay. - Well, well, well,

look who's the big swinging dick.

Hey, Javeed, everything okay at Goolybib?

You gotta ask them. They canned me.

- What? - Yeah.

Our investors got spooked by a possible down round,

so they shoved an acquisition down my throat.

Yeah, an acquisition of $200 million, right?

Yeah, they all made out. I had a reverse vest with no triggers,

then I lost all my shares when they fired me.

I blew my whole signing bonus renting that house.

I'm looking into suing 'em.

Jeez.

Look, all I can say is,

don't get fucked, all right?

You take money from the wrong dudes, and you'll get smoked as bad as I did.

Just be careful.

Everyone is watching you now.

Yeah. Totally. I know. Thanks, Javeed.

No. I mean, they're watching you right now.

Yeah.

Damn it. Where is that camera?

I can't believe how many gifts we're getting.

Gifts I'm getting. That Oculus rig is addressed to the CTO.

No, I'm the CTO.

As your superior, I order you to give me that Oculus.

You can't make me do stuff. You're not the boss of me.

- Actually, I am the boss of you. - Okay.

Richard, tell him I'm CTO.

No, you already told that fat guy that I'm the CTO.

Stop, stop, stop. Please stop.

I have a ton of work to do. You have work to do.

Maybe let's do the work instead of that.

Jared, we were supposed to get a term sheet today.

Have we heard from Peter Gregory?

Peter Gregory is dead.

What?

Holy shit.

He was the smartest,

shrewdest,

strangest man I've ever known.

I can't believe that he's gone.

Can I ask what happened?

Yeah. Um...

He was in the Serengeti on safari...

- Ah. - And he had just gone into his tent

when a hippo wandered into the camp.

Oh, wow.

He was attacked by a hippo?

No. No.

I guess the hippo started to charge

when the guide grabbed his rifle and shot at it,

but his aim was off, and...

And he shot Peter Gregory by accident?

- Yeah. - No, he missed...

But I guess the sound of the gun startled Peter,

who ran out of his tent and...

Ran right into the hippo?

No, the hippo was also startled by the noise

and had run off prior to Peter exiting his tent.

So, what happened to Peter?

He hadn't run in a long time,

maybe ever, and you know, he just...

That was it.

- Uh. - Uh.

That is so very strange.

- Very sad and tragic. Wow. - Very sad and strange.

See you.

Man, that is so weird.

I mean, one minute Peter Gregory is here, the next, he's just gone.

Jared, it's Erlich.

I need you to set up all the other VC meetings, ASAP.

Line 'em up nuts to butts.

Erlich, what are you doing? Monica just said they're still gonna fund us.

We should just sit tight.

Look, I loved Peter Gregory maybe even more than he loved me,

but there's something you need to know here,

something that Monica isn't exactly volunteering up,

and that's that all of these one-man firms have a key-man clause.

- Do you know what that means? - No.

It means that now that Peter Gregory is gone,

all the Raviga investors

have the contractual right to cash out and walk away,

which means that by the end of the day, there may not be a Raviga.

- Seriously? - Yes, so we have to prepare for that.

Now, I know that it makes me sound like a terrible person,

but we have a company to run.

And do you know who the first person to agree with me would be?

Peter Gregory.

And that is the very first spot in our new campaign

heralding the upcoming release of Nucleus

this January at CES.

- Any questions? - I have a question.

That was horrible.

I just got humiliated by a fucking teenager at TechCrunch Disrupt,

and you give me this tampon ad?

A girl with diabetes on a swing?

- I think she has cancer. - Yeah.

At least that's how I read it.

I don't care what kind of disease she had!

All I care about is that Nucleus is better than Pied Piper.

Hendricks just left us all in the dust.

If we get this wrong,

we could blow the business opportunity of a lifetime!

Data creation is exploding.

With all the selfies and useless files people refuse to delete on the cloud,

92% of the world's data was created in the last two years alone.

At the current rate,

the world's data storage capacity will be overtaken by next spring.

It will be nothing short of a catastrophe.

Data shortages, data rationing, data black markets.

Someone's compression will save the world from data-geddon,

and it sure as hell better be Nucleus and not goddamn Pied Piper!

I don't know about you people,

but I don't wanna live in a world

where someone else makes the world a better place better than we do.

"Data-geddon." Is he married to that, or...

There's just been a lot of "geddons" lately.

That's true. "Snow-mageddon," "car-mageddon."

There's that movie Armageddon.

Laurie, you wanted to see me?

Monica, come in, come in. I'm sure you've heard by now

that I've been named our new managing partner.

Yes. Congratulations.

Did the limited partners tell you how they made their decision?

Oh. They looked at the portfolio performances

of each of the senior partners over the last several funds,

and my numbers were, objectively, the most favorable.

Therefore, I was selected.

Yeah, it's just managing partner is all about meeting with people