The Big Bang Theory

Buona sera, Luigi's Pizza.

Buona sera.

It means good evening in Italian.

May I say, having to explain that to you calls into question

the authenticity of your ristorante?

Okay, I'm out of here.

Un momento.

Oh, for heaven's sake.

Now you're being deliberately stupid.

Where are you going?

I'm having dinner with Priya at Raj's.

I think Howard's going to be there. You want to join us?

But tonight's Thursday.

On Thursdays, everybody comes over here

and has pizza.

Or a reasonable facsimile

prepared by someone claiming to be Luigi,

but who sounds suspiciously like Jackie Chan.

Can't we make a one-time exception for tonight?

We could.

We could also stop using the letter "M,"

but I think that idea is isguided and oronic.

Just come with me to Raj's.

Well, I don't want to go to a party.

It's not a party. It's the same group of people

who hang out here hanging out over there.

I'm sorry, but five people eating and chatting is a party.

How come it's not a party when we do it here?

Because we don't throw parties.

I don't know what to tell you, Sheldon.

I'm going to see Priya. Everyone's over there.

You coming or not?

Well, no, sir, and do you know why?

In a word: tradition.

Every Thursday night for the last eight years,

you and I and our friends have gathered here

in this very spot to break bread covered with cheese and sauce,

discuss the issues of the day,

and yes, share a laugh or two.

But I guess our rich heritage means nothing to you.

I guess you're right.

- See you later. - Wait!

Leonard! Wait!

What am I going to do for dinner?

Come with me to Raj's and eat there.

I can't do that.

What if he serves haggis and blood pudding?

I really doubt that's what he'll serve.

But what if he does?

I'll be obliged to dine

on liver and lungs stuffed in a sheep's stomach.

And frankly, blood pudding is essentially the same thing.

I don't know why he's serving both.

What do you want to do?

You want to come with me, or do you want to sit here alone?

No, I'll go to your haggis party.

But I'm telling you.

This is adness. This is utter and complete adness.

- Oh, dear! - What?

Raj's television.

I just realized

we're about to spend an evening watching a plasma screen

with a cluster of dead pixels in the upper left-hand corner.

So don't watch TV.

Read a book.

And be a social pariah?

Oh, you know that's not my style.

Ugh!

The audible sigh is a show of exasperation, right?

Right.

Is it about me or the dead pixels?

Hey, you're just in time.

We made Tex-Mex.

Oh, sounds great.

Oh, Indians making Tex-Mex.

Might as well have had the Chinese pizza.

Hey, you.

Hi.

That's got to be fun for you, huh?

Watching Hofstadter suck the saliva

out of your sister's mouth?

Excuse me. Before this evening goes any further,

we need to decide where everyone is going to sit.

There is no assigned seats, Sheldon.

Just sit anywhere. Make yourself comfortable.

Oh, what fun.

We're like hippies at a love-in.

Just sit here.

Right on, man. Right on.

Oh, look.

it's Harry Potter and 98% of The Sorcerer's Stone.

Okay, we've got fajitas

with all the fixins, so you make your own.

Wonderful.

Dinner, some assembly required.

Do you want a margarita, Sheldon?

A margarita?!

Where are we?! What is happening?!

Oh. Hey, Sheldon.

What can I get you?

Water. Neat.

With a little umbrella.

Where are all your friends?

Sadly, Penny, this evening, I am the Dark Knight,

roaming these mean streets alone.

A windbreaker for my cape,

and a stern expression for my cowl.

Okay.

Excuse me?

Isn't this the point where the world-weary barkeep

absentmindedly wipes down the bar

and coaxes the woes out of the troubled patron?

Well, I was getting your stupid umbrella, but all right.

What's troubling you, buddy?

I don't think your heart's in it, but since you asked...

Apparently, because Leonard is dating Raj's sister,

we're all forced to hang out at his apartment.

Oh, the horror.

Indeed.

Yeah, at one point, Raj put on reggae music,

and his sister took off her shoes.

It was like the last days of Caligula.

Oh, I have to get this.

Umbrella?

Ugh!

Wonder what she's exasperated about.

Hello?

Sheldon, are you all right?

When last we spoke, you were going to

take a taxi home from Raj's, but according to Facebook,

you just checked in at the Cheesecake Factory.

Yes, I was in a taxi,

but the driver didn't look at all

like the photograph on his license,

so I leapt out and ran for it.

Wise.

There you go.

Just like recovering alcoholics drink in the Caribbean.

Hi, bestie.

Oh. Hi, Amy.

How you been?

Fine.

From this angle, I can see up your nose.

Yeah, it's a great time to be alive, isn't it?

Don't worry. My problems can wait

while you two hens finish your clucking.

Look, Sheldon, Leonard is dating Priya.

She is staying with Raj.

That means you're all probably gonna be hanging out there more.

Penny, I'm sorry you got dragged into this.

I know you're devastated

that your ex-boyfriend has found an exciting new lover

with flawless, caramel-colored skin.

Okay, I'm not upset about Leonard and Priya.

Your flaring nostrils indicate otherwise.

Cluck-cluck-cluck.

Sheldon, look at me.

I think it's time

to face the fact

that Leonard is the nucleus of your social group.

Where he goes, the group goes.

Leonard the nucleus?

That makes no sense.

I'm the whimsical elf

that everyone looks to for a good time.

I'm not saying that you're not fun.

You're the most fun person I know.

A lot of people think I'm fun to be around.

Don't be needy, bestie.

That's probably part of what chased Leonard away.

What I am saying, Sheldon,

is that your group is Leonard-centric.

If it were a town, it would be Leonardville.

If it were an Islamic nation, Leonardstan.

If it were the birthplace of motion pictures,

we'd all be singing "Hooray for Leonardwood."

Ooh, I got one.

If you guys were a band,

you'd be called Leonard and the Leonards.

So needy.

What you doing?

I'm setting out snacks.

You do realize everyone's eating at Raj's again tonight.

I didn't say the snacks were for you now, did I, Nosy Rosie?

You're having people over?

Yes. Must be killing you wondering who.

Fine, I'll tell you.

Stuart from the comic bookstore,

Barry Kripke from the university,

Penny's ex-boyfriend Zack

and TV's LeVar Burton.

Really?

LeVar Burton's coming here?

Possibly. I Tweeted him.

Okay, well, tell him I loved him on Star Trek.

Please, Leonard, stop trying to horn in on my new friends.

Of course. Good night.

Leonard. Yeah?

We had a good run, you and I.

Okay.