House

How long has your daughter had trouble breathing?

About a week now.

The best dads wait two or more.

Yeah, no, it's not like it's serious.

I-I checked online, and it's...

Asthma or something.

"Or something"

is the number one killer of teens

with no medical degree.

When was the last time he took you to see a doctor?

Uh, like five months ago.

We went a clinic in Trenton. I had strep throat.

You remember the antibiotic they gave you?

Is it neomycin?

Amoxicillin.

So about the inhaler for my asthma, I was--

Sorry!

Hospital policy

specifically prohibits me from giving meds

to unrelated homeless people

pretending to be father and daughter.

Your pants are a size too short,

so either you grew a couple of inches

or you grabbed the closest size in a thrift store.

And only you have dimples, which are adorable,

but they're also an x-linked dominant genetic trait.

Which actually doesn't prove anything.

The fact that she didn't burst into tears tells me

that you never thought he was your dad.

Let's get out of here.

Since you're the brains of the operation,

might wanna stick around.

What, so I can get busted by Social Services?

No, so you can stop bleeding out of your ear.

It's usually a sign of a skull fracture.

Someone been using your head as a soccer ball?

No.

Much as I'd like to take your word for it,

I have no interest in taking your word for it.

No tenderness, no pain.

Looks like you might actually be telling the truth

about something.

Ear canal is fine.

You don't have a fever.

Pay the man.

He's late for a trashcan fire.

Would you--would you tell me what's going on?

What's wrong with me?

I have no idea.

== sync, corrected by elderman ==

Why'd you ask to meet us

30 miles away from the hospital?

Because I can.

Also, Chris Christie's blog

says the pancakes here are the best.

So...what do we got on this 18-year-old

with the ear bleed and the breathing problems?

CT confirms no skull fracture,

and looking at her confirms she's not 18.

Yes, she is.

Says so in the file.

We can't treat an underage patient

without a guardian-- we need to call Social Services.

I cut a deal with the patient.

We don't call, she doesn't bolt.

Whatever age, living on the street

makes her vulnerable to malnutrition,

drug use, H.I.V.,

all things which could explain her symptoms.

No sign of malnutrition. Tox screen is clear.

S.T.D. panel was negative.

And...is that Foreman?

Oh, my goodness, it is!

Hi, Dean Foreman!

Are you not gonna introduce us

because we're married?

Oh, no, wait-- that's her.

She's a pharmaceutical rep, and this is a working breakfast.

In a restaurant that's nowhere near your home

or the hospital.

Chris Christie recommends the pancakes.

Squamous cell middle ear tumor could have

caused the ear bleed.

Paraneoplastic reaction caused the breathing problems.

Middle ear looks completely normal.

But there is thickening in the lining of the wall

of the third ventricle.

Could be a sign of cerebral infection.

Would explain the lack of fever.

Pneumococcus is pretty common

among the homeless population.

We should find out if she's been vaccinated.

Sure, ask her, and when she refuses

to tell you anything,

start her on Ceftriaxone for pneumococcus.

And if she says she has been vaccinated?

Then don't believe her,

and start her on Ceftriaxone for pneumococcus.

How about we don't believe she's gonna bolt

and we call Social Services?

While I'm in the little boys' room,

you can pretend that I'm seriously considering that idea.

The bathroom's that way.

Pretty sure there's one in the hospital.

When I was your age, I ran away.

Lived on my own.

- At the time, it seemed-- - Oh, let me guess.

Life with mom and dad was kind of a drag.

So you just ran away,

lived with friends, and partied with guys

that you knew your parents would hate.

And then when you got tired of being a rebel,

you just went home.

Being homeless isn't a vacation for me.

And I'm not acting out.

My life at home sucked,

so I got the hell out of there.

There are other options

besides living on the streets.

Right, like group homes, where you're packed in

with as many messed-up delinquent kids as possible,

foster parents who only take you in

because you're a meal ticket.

I can think of easier ways to make 175 bucks a week.

No, you're right-- I really should roll the dice

and hope for a pair that don't ruin my life

the way that my mom-- get your hands off my stuff!

The stuff might tell us more about why you're sick.

A history textbook. You go to school?

I don't plan on being homeless forever.

Hello, good sir.

My brother, the General here,

gots the green-apple quickstep.

One of us is in the wrong time zone.

And if it's me, I need to talk

to a stockbroker and anyone from the Kennedy family,

in that order.

Well, he got the runs,

and we do need him

up and at 'em for battle tomorrow.

It's hardly authentic,

coming to a newfangled clinic,

especially with a Yankee doctor.

Sir, are you questioning my resolve?

Yes, and your sanity.

I'm multitasking.

Uh, General...

You're not allowed out.

We swore that we would see the elephant together.

Well, far be it from me to come between two nut jobs

and their "elephant."

I could add some Mercury, if you want to make it

more authentic.

The Confederacy thanks you, Doc.

Got House's phone.

Deleted all photos of you and Anita.

- I owe you. - An affair?

Never knew you were such a tramp.

Neither did I.

Anita, she's fun, smart.

Not looking for anything serious.

It's--it's... Pretty perfect.

Except for the annoying guilt about the husband.

The lies she must be telling him.

But not guilty enough

to stop seeing her.

She's smoking hot,

and it's not his job to protect her marriage.

Aren't you supposed to be pointing a finger

at your own life as a cautionary tale?

If not for cheating, I might still have a wife,

but I wouldn't have Sophie and Sophia.

Which means

I wouldn't be preparing for their visit this week

by child locking all my cabinets,

padding table corners,

and getting rid of every single magazine.

You could probably just hide the porn

in your underwear drawer.

Magazines go away so I won't ignore my children.

I know I have to pay attention to them.

I want to pay attention to them,

but they're just so...

Boring.

Did you learn anything at Jane Doe's school?

They did a bunch of vaccinations,

including pneumococcus.

Take her off the Ceftriaxone.

So we're back to square none?

Not exactly.

The name she registered under seems to be fake,

but the address is a foreclosed house.

We'll let you know what we find.

Plenty of food, water.

And beer.

She eats well.

Goes to school and makes good grades.

She's a homeless girl

who's captain of the volleyball team.

How can you be okay with this?