The Simpsons

Bart on the Road

Spring break in Hong Kong. Custom-made suits at slave-labor prices...

Good Lord, they've got this all wrong.

- This is Principal Seymour Skinner. - How can I help you, principal?

There's some problems with my tickets.

I asked for a center seat, not an aisle seat.

I specifically requested not to have the kosher meal.

I booked the Saturday morning flight, not Friday morning!

Okay, I've gone ahead and made those changes.

And with the one-day advance purchase price, it's just an extra $ 7830.

GM Chrysler, I can't afford that!

But I can't close the school a day early just to suit my vacation.

Or can I?

Think, Seymour, think.

"Go to Work with Your Parents Day"?

Yes, Go to Work with Your Parents Day.

You will learn by doing. And apply your knowledge...

...of fractions and gym to real-world situations.

I still don't understand why you get to stay home and watch Mom work.

Because I've always been an advocate of women in the workplace, Lis.

I can't help it if Mom's workplace contains our TV.

I'm honored, Bart.

Lisa, you'll have a fine time at the plant with Dad.

You've been interested in nuclear power for years.

I've signed petitions to shut down that plant.

- Well, there you go. - Mom, you're blocking the TV.

If you need something to do, fill out my form.

"Parent's occupation.

Please note, 'homemaker' is not allowed, as it is not real work.

That's why you don't get paid for it."

Bart can take my place at the plant.

But he so wanted to see women in the workplace.

Well, how about Aunt Patty and Aunt Selma at the DMV?

Of course! Of course, I would never, ever have thought of that.

Some days we don't let the line move at all.

We call those "weekdays."

Good one.

Well, at least I'm not stuck at the cracker factory like Milhouse.

- Ever wonder how crackers get salted? - Have I!

Crackers, ho!

I never knew cracker production could be so exciting!

But where do they make those crackers with the peanut butter already inside?

Put this on and come with me, son.

- Doughnut? - No, thanks. Do you have any fruit?

This has purple stuff inside. Purple is a fruit.

This is a map of nuclear sites around the country.

As a safety inspector, I'm responsible for changing most of these light bulbs.

Why are there so many burnt-out ones?

Because they won't hire an assistant.

Martin, here's $ 10 to invest in the futures market.

Soy! Soy! Soy!

Soy! Soy!

- Martin, you're up $ 1 million. - Yes!

And now you've lost all but $600. You got greedy, Martin.

I'm sorry. I guess watching me isn't any more exciting than being me.

Maybe we can make your job more fun.

- What are those? - I don't know.

Well, what if we used our imaginations?

Houston, we have a problem. Homer 13 is spinning out of control.

I'm going after him.

Boy, this is a lot more fun with a second person.

Okay. One more step. I just gotta go laminate your license.

- You'll get it in two to three weeks. - Hot damn!

No more sitting in the dirt at the drive-in.

Bart, I left the driver's-license-making machine on. Turn it off.

Twenty-five years old? You're not 25 years old.

This ID is completely fake.

Yes. You're right, Milhouse. It is a fake.

Which makes it a fake ID.

A fake ID? Cool!

And it's our ticket to the best spring break of our lives!

One adult and two children, please.

I can think of at least two things wrong with that title.

Twenty five? Whoa! Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. S.

But, you know, I gotta check everybody.

What, are you kidding? I take it as a compliment. Three beers, please.

Hey, join the party.

Spring break!

Yeah!

Well, when are we gonna get rowdy?

Maybe when we find something decent to do with this ID.

We could go rent a carpet shampooer.

Greetings, chums. Were your days at work as profitable as mine?

I just had a sinful shopping spree at Wee World.

We're having the spring break of our lives...

...and we don't need you nerding it up. - That job is taken.

But surely I and my $600 could play some small part in your vacation fun.

Yeah, right. Like there's any way to get kicks...

...with a big wad of cash and a license to drive...

Oh, boy, Flipsy! You and I are going on a road trip.

Gentlemen, for our road trip, I have taken the liberty...

...of preparing an airtight and utterly plausible alibi for use on our parents.

I've been selected to represent the school...

...at the National Grammar Rodeo at the Sheraton Hotel in Canada.

I've been selected to represent the school at the Grammar Rodeo...

...at the Sheraton Hotel in Canada.

I'm going away for a week. See you.

The National Grammar Rodeo?

I wish I were going. Oh, wait, wait. I mean...

...I wish I was going.

Is that right, Bart?

It's not fair. I'm the best student in school.

How come I never heard about this competition?

Maybe because you are, as we say in Latin, a "dorkus malorkus."

That's not Latin. Mom, Bart's faking it.

Oh, honey, you've had your glory. Now it's Bart's turn.

Oh, wait! Oh, yeah! Oh, wait...

Bart, Nelson hit me!

He sure did.

A cup holder! Bart, we gotta stop and get a cup!

- Bart? - Cruise control, my good man.

Everybody all set back here? Nelson, good to see you.

Martin, always a pleasure.

Diablo Canyon Two, why can't you be more like Diablo Canyon One?

Hello? Oh, Homie, hello.

I can't remember the last time you called me from...

You wanna speak to Lisa.

Hi, Lisa. How is your spring break going?

- I'm learning about owls. - Oh, owls, eh?

So you probably wouldn't wanna spend another day at work with me.

Sure I would. I can always learn about owls this summer at bird camp.

We've arrived in the vast cornfields of Canada.

How much farther to the Grammar Rodeo?

Grammar Rodeo? We're going to a Grammar Rodeo?

We're not going to a Grammar Rodeo.

- That was just an alibi, Milton. - Martin.

- Martin. - Fellows?

- What? - Where are we going?

Well, I realize it's trite, but we could tour the bridges of Madison County.

Hey, who has better vacation ideas than AAA?

According to the publisher of this AAA guidebook, no one.

I've always wanted to see Macon, Georgia.

Wait. How about a fair?

Not just a county fair, not just a Europe fair...

...but a World's Fair! The World's Fair in Knoxville, Tennessee.

- Keep reading. - The Hungarians have built a giant...

...motorized Rubik's Cube. And the fair's symbol is the sun sphere...

...which sits atop a 266-foot tall steel shaft.

- What's inside? - An information desk!

Cool.

So it's a choice between Disney World and Knoxville.

Knoxville! Knoxville! Knoxville!

I concur.

You made it. Did you have any trouble getting past the security guards?

- Security guards? - Great! Wanna get some lunch?

Sure.

I figure if the candy stays in the machine...

...for more than a year, it's up for grabs.

- Why do you need me? - Well, it's a two-man operation...

...and you're the only man here I trust.

- Ready? - Ready.

Simpson, what in God's name are you...?

Zagnut bar, Mr. Smithers? Razzles, Skittles, Whatchamcallit, Twizzlers?

They all have hilarious names and are delicious.

Well, I am partial to Jolly Ranchers.

Good work, Simpson.

Simpsons.

Boy, Lisa. With you here, this hardly seems like work at all.

I don't know how I'm gonna make it through my night shift.

- We could have a slumber party. - Oh, that'd be great.