American Horror Story

HELEN (WHISPERING): If it feels good, go with it.

: But we're supposed to be the responsible ones here.

I got to agree with that.

So, in the spirit of responsibility:

lambskins.

- Courtesy of my pop's undies drawer. - (HELEN GIGGLES)

- (SLOW FOOTSTEPS) - (KEYS JINGLING)

- (KEYS JINGLING) - What was that?

I know you two heard it. The jingling?

It's probably those annoying wind chimes

the eight-year-olds made.

Kick!

Kick! Up!

Reach!

_

Yeah!

Hip thrust, in. (GRUNTS)

Left, left. (GRUNTS)

_

And down.

It's hard but it's worth it!

Yes! Two more!

Hi.

I'm not a lez. Just friendly.

Rad bod, though.

Like that girl on Cheers.

I noticed you ogling my buddy Chet's mound.

You want me to introduce you?

I don't know what you're talking about.

It's nothing to be ashamed of.

The whole reason most people come to Slimmercise class

is to hook up.

Not for me.

The last American virgin.

Everyone tells me I can be

a little over the top with new people.

It's just that it's L.A.... you can't make friends

unless you get a little aggressive, right?

Totally.

I'm Brooke.

I'm new in town.

Well, I'm obsessed with this place.

I've been doing aerobics since '82.

Ever since I read those articles about it in Rolling Stone.

Did you know they have competitive aerobics championships?

- Sounds... serious. - (CHUCKLES)

I know it may sound silly to you,

but I'm gonna be the greatest aerobics competitor of all time.

- I'm Montana, by the way. - Mm.

She was stabbed, like, 40 times.

Her throat was cut so badly she was basically decapitated.

- Describing your last date? - (CHUCKLES) Hilarious.

- Yeah. - No.

There was a murder a couple of days ago in Glassell Park.

My cousin works for LAPD Homicide,

and they're convinced whoever did it is responsible

for a bunch of other unsolved murders in town.

The cops are calling him the Night Stalker.

I heard serial killers become more active

in the summer months when it's hot.

Because people sleep with their windows open at night.

Hmm. This is Brooke.

She's new in town.

Brooke, this is Xavier,

Ray and Chet.

: Hi.

Hey.

Hey. How do you guys know each other?

Well, it's L.A.

Do any of us really know each other?

We collected each other over the last couple of years.

Xavier and Montana met in traffic

- and dated for a hot second. - "Met in traffic"

is a nice way of saying that I missed an audition

for one of the last episodes of MASH

because she rear-ended me.

You are welcome.

- You're an actor? - Yeah.

Not one of those "happy to get a role on a soap opera

or a Coca-Cola commercial" types.

I'm a serious actor.

- (LAUGHS) - I trained at Stella Adler...

I'm method.

Cool.

Chet and I met at the gym.

Yeah, and I think I met Montana

at a party up in the hills at Justine Bateman's house.

- You know her? - Not really.

Anyway... my cousin was saying that they think

that this guy's gonna go on a rampage,

like Son of Sam did in the summer of '78.

Which is why I'm getting out of town

for the next couple of months.

I got a gig as a counselor at a summer camp

they're opening up a couple of hours from here.

You guys should all come.

I mean, they're desperate for counselors.

Hey, I'm in. When do we leave?

Tomorrow, after class.

Why can't we leave tonight?

Slow down.

What's with you?

You been jumpy all week.

I'm just ready to get out before the Olympic shit show starts.

Okay? Los Angeles is about to descend into chaos.

All right, gridlock on the freeways.

And I'm thinking of poor Chet, having to be here

getting his face rubbed in it.

Fuck the IOC.

I'm in.

Do you think they'd let me teach aerobics up there?

Can't see why not.

I'm in.

You should come.

I'm desperate for some estrogen in this crew.

Oh. Sounds fun,

but I'm taking classes at Santa Monica College.

I'm gonna be a veterinary assistant.

Wow. Aiming high.

Knock it off, Montana.

Yeah.

I'm in the medical field, too.

Medical field?

You're an orderly. You mop up poop.

We're all putting our lives on hold for this,

but I'm telling you, it's gonna be worth it.

You don't want to be in this town this summer.

It could cost you your life.

Oh, um, your bag. (CHUCKLES)

Thanks.

If you change your mind...

call me.

- (MUFFLED SCREAMING) - Shut up.

- (SOBS) - Where's the jewelry?

Get it for me.

- (SHRIEKS) - Get it for me!

Is that it?

All of it?

Swear on Satan!

I swear. (SCREAMS)

Fuckin' waste of time!

I'm sorry!

At least we'll see some blood.

- No, please, don't-don't... - You're gonna be famous.

You're gonna die by the hand of the Night Stalker.

- (GRUNTING) - Aah!

- (POUNDING ON DOOR) Hey, you okay in there?

- The cops are on the way! - Bitch!

- (POUNDING ON DOOR) - I will find you.

Satan will show me the way.

("SOMEBODY'S WATCHING ME" BY ROCKWELL PLAYING)

A little Jack might take the edge off.

I still don't really know what happened.

How am I alive right now?

Face it: you're a badass.

I'm not. He said he was gonna come back and kill me.

The cops are gonna find him, right?

Totally. But in the meantime, he won't be able to find you.

What's better than a few weeks in the wilderness

to forget about everything?

And get paid for it.

Brooke, you're totally doing the right thing coming with us.

Absolutely. It's gonna be a nonstop party.