Scrubs

In medicine today,

technologies like artificial intelligence have pretty much taken over.

Is fluconazole contraindicated with olanzapine and sotalol?

Fluconazole is contraindicated.

Mr. Miller, I realized fluconazole will interact with your other meds.

I'll find an alternative.

I don't know how doctors keep all that stuff in their head.

I know, it's crazy.

Would you like to know more about fluconazole?

I already handled that, Nurse.

It seemed like AI had answers for everything around here.

Except maybe those two.

- I really like your clogs. - Oh, thanks.

Uh, yeah, they're prescription.

Um, I-I have unusually flat feet,

which makes, um, buying shoes difficult,

but it saved all the men in my family from going off to war.

Oh.

Sorry, man. He got away from me.

You're welcome.

She didn't want to hear about your feet, man.

Maybe AI would never figure out human love.

Or maybe it could.

Estelle, I was thinking Italian tonight.

What movie pairs well with pasta?

Fun idea.

I know you love Stanley Tucci's performance in Big Night.

I do love the Tuch. You know me so well.

Yeah, I do.

- Buddy. - What?

Maybe it's time for you to start dating. That's not normal.

But Estelle always agrees with me and laughs at all my jokes.

-Estelle? You named it? -Yeah.

I have a chatbot lover myself.

Katniss and I are going to a wine bar she recommended.

You're right. That's not normal.

-I gotta get back out there. -My man.

There's nothing like a pep talk from a friend to get you back in the game.

I had a solid five-year run of dating older men, but they kept dying,

and I had to spend six months in court proving I'm not a black widow.

-Oh. -So,

when are you getting back out there, girl?

I'm not. I mean, I tried with Dr. Chapstick, but then it hit me.

Maybe sex is overrated.

Okay, so, um, you don't wanna meet my boyfriend's grandson?

I'm just not excited about starting over at this point in my life.

It's too late.

Honestly... ...I am just happier cozied up under a blanket here with you.

Aw. Well, I'm flattered, and I did experiment in college,

- but that's not what this room is for.

Oh, break's over. Get out or I'll have to write you up.

I'm nervous. You know, I haven't been with anyone since Elliot.

It's like I'm doing this for the first time.

You are. You're a divorce virgin.

Yes, sir! We gonna be back in the club just like in the old days!

Oh, my God. Your dads are so cool.

You're my best friend, and I love you,

but maybe I don't need to have sex anymore.

Are you wearing cologne?

You smell like a bottle of Drakkar Noir that got stuffed into a sock drawer.

I'll have you know this is vintage Drakkar

from an ad insert I found in a 1997 Maxim.

Okay, he won that one.

Hmm.

Why are you always giving him a hard time?

-He got the job, you didn't. Get over it. -No.

What happened to you, man?

I mean, before he got here, you and I were friends.

We were in a bowling league together, Kevin.

And when J.D. falls, we shall bowl again.

My boy ain't gonna fall.

Say hi to Carla for me.

Okay. Ow.

Okay, so my dating journey was off to a pungent start.

But hope was around the corner

because hospitals were incorporating

lots of creative ways to boost patient morale.

There were artists to teach painting,

therapy animals, and this angel.

Hi, you're beautiful. Playing is great.

Sounds good music.

Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't hear you.

Yes, a second chance!

I-I'm sorry. I, uh...

I-I was just saying that your playing struck a chord with me.

- Oh. Thank you. - And he's back.

I'm-I'm, uh, Dr. Dorian. I'm the new chief of medicine.

I'm still getting to know everyone around here.

Oh, I'm Lily. I'm no one important.

I mean, unless you read Harp Weekly.

-I do. -Oh, this is awkward.

I lied. I've never been in it.

Am I dead?

Is this heaven? Vivian, are you here?

I'm... I'm kind of in the middle of something here.

Let's go, Harvey. It's not your time yet.

-I see you have groupies. -Oh, yeah,

let's hope he doesn't throw his underwear at me.

Unfortunately, for us both, he's not wearing any.

I should probably go help him tie his gown.

Nice meeting you. Keep on rocking in the free world.

Today's a big day because Pauline,

my favorite patient with primary biliary cirrhosis...

Do not write that down, we're not supposed to have favorites.

...is getting a new liver.

I'll believe it when I see it with my own jaundiced yellow eyes.

If Pauline is skeptical, it's because she's come very close

-to getting a new liver a few times. -Ah.

Always a bridesmaid, never a person who went home with a new liver.

-What? -Stay positive, Pauline.

I checked with the transplant team, and everything is good to go.

Not for the donor 'cause they're about to, you know, take him off life support.

But then they'll put his liver on a plane

and bing, bang, boom, you're good to go.

Well, it is a 12-hour surgery and a long recovery.

Mm-mmm.

Or as we say medically, "Bing, bang, boom."

-Bing, bang, boom? -Bing, bang, boom.

Nurse, can you make sure the lab processes this, stat?

The hell are you doing?

-What? -Oof, that was dumb.

Pippa, check my sugars. Is that a ghost or a white boy in my chair?

It's a white boy who's about to be a ghost.

- It was a mistake. - He didn't know.

She said it.

It was me. I said it.

Asher, they know. Save yourself.

You were safe on the sidelines.

-It's all right. It's okay. -But you just stepped into the game.

Oh.

Looks like it's time for daddy to educate two of his least favorite delinquents.

We don't park our asses on the charge nurses' chairs.

Please. What are they gonna do?

More like, "What are they not going to do?"

Oh, it's getting cold in here.

But don't worry, you'll be able to keep yourself warm

with all of that hot, hot urine you'll be walking to the lab yourself.

Enjoy.

-There has to be a way to fix this. -Fine, let's try pizza.

Pizza usually solves everything.

Pizza's fine.

Pepperoni, bitches.

- Hey, J.D. - Yeah.

Tosh is gonna get you on the apps.

Okay, no, I did say it was a bad idea.

It is a lot of just half-naked women trying to get a free dinner.

Yeah, and Carla said I get to swipe for you.

The thing is, I think I may have already met someone.

See, man, I knew you were gonna mess this up for us.

She's an angel. She's a beautiful lobby angel.

The harp player?

- Yeah. - Buddy, she works here,

and Park's gunning for you.

If you dip your toe or any other part of yourself

in the dating pool at this hospital,

he's gonna use it to bring you down.

Park sleeps with everyone. He does laps in the hospital dating pool,

and he swims both ways, if you know what I mean.

Right. But he only sleeps with attendings or above.

So unless your harp player is chief of harp playing, don't go there, bro.

Yeah, you're right. Actually, that's good advice.

Thank you. Good looking out.

Okay, well, if we are back on the apps,

I think with a few filters, maybe a ring light, maybe a puppy to pose with,

I think a few seniors would probably swipe right on you.

Seniors? How old do you think I am?

-Si... -"Si..."?

-I think I should probably go. -Yeah, that's a good idea.

She said "si."

Yeah, "si" was crazy.

Oh, my God, it's happening.

The liver donor's off life support.

I can't, in good conscience, fist bump a man's death.

Look, we can stand here for 20 minutes,

and I can explain to you the poetic darkness of working in a hospital,

or you can just blow me up.

Girl, while we wait for those interns to get our deep-dish,

how about we dish deep?

-Mm-hmm. -Now I just saw your ex-husband.

And, baby...

-You know that harp player in the lobby? -Mm-hmm.

He's trying to be the next thing that she plucks.

When are you getting back out there?

-Oh-- -It's too late for her. She'd rather die alone.

Paraphrasing, but that's what she said, word for word.

I didn't say that! I just said that dating post-divorce sounds terrible,

and I would rather die alone! Okay, fine, I'm saying it now.

Free yourself. Get out there and throw that ass in a circle.

- Yeah, divorce like a man. Be messy. - Mm-hmm.

-Give us something to talk about. -It's never gonna happen.

I'm fine.

Oh, you could spread that around.

Now, why would I do that? Don't nobody care when somebody is fine.

Do two extra-large pizzas say, "We're sorry," or, "You guys eat a lot,"

and then we're just insulting them all over again?

You know, I could've done this alone.

I'd have the same amount of pizza, but with twice as much quiet.

Sorry.

I tend to talk a lot when the person I'm with is brooding and mysterious.

Were your parents killed by the Joker?