How I Met Your Mother

Now, as you know, Aunt Robin is a big fan of Halloween--

always dressing up in crazy costumes--

but she wasn't always that way.

Back in 2005, she thought she was too cool for Halloween,

unlike Aunt Lily.

Guess what came in the mail today?

Our costumes?

- Do they rule? - They rule.

And yours is 100% wool, so you won't get hypothermia like last year.

Tarzan nipples blue.

You know what I love about Halloween?

It's the one night of the year chicks use to unleash their inner ho-bag.

If a girl dresses up as a witch, she's a slutty witch.

If she's a cat, she's a slutty cat.

- If she's a nurse... - Wow, we get it.

...she's a slutty nurse.

Robin, what are you doing for Halloween?

Oh, I don't know.

Probably hanging out with Mike, this guy I've been seeing.

Mike? There's a Mike?

You have a boyfriend and you haven't told us?

No, I mean, he's not my boyfriend.

He's just this guy I've been seeing for a couple of weeks.

Boyfriend!

So why haven't we met him?

We're not really ready to go public yet.

Married.

How about we go on a Halloween double date?

I don't know, we were kind of thinking about staying at home

and dressing up as naked people.

Come on, Robin, trot out your new fella.

Let us judge and evaluate him behind your back. It'll be fun.

Hey, Ted, you'll never guess what happened.

- Your costumes came? - Our cost... Yes.

That is why we're best friends.

Hey, Ted, what are you doing for Halloween?

Well...

What?

Every Halloween, Ted waits for the Slutty Pumpkin.

That's right.

What's the "Slutty Pumpkin"?

You mean who is the Slutty Pumpkin.

It was four years ago...

I was at this Halloween party up on the roof of our building.

I'm about to call it an early night when out of nowhere

appeared this girl in the sexiest pumpkin costume.

Wait, how can a pumpkin costume be sexy?

It was carved in strategic places.

So, uh, we're at the bar, and I see her mix

- Kahlua... - Kahlua and root beer.

A cocktail she invented herself.

And she called it... "The Tootsie Roll..."

Because it tastes like an alcoholic Tootsie Roll.

Hey! Can I please tell the story?

So we had this instant connection.

She gave me her number, but then...

- Something went terribly wrong. - Guys!

Then something went terribly wrong.

Happy Halloween.

Sonny, where's Cher?

Cher?

Right here, babe.

I just met the perfect woman.

She's funny, she's beautiful, she loves Star Wars.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what's her take on Ewoks?

- Loves 'em. - Oh, good.

I don't know why people are so cynical about Ewoks.

The rebellion would have failed without the Ewoks.

And get this: She's a marine biologist.

She spent a year in Antarctica studying penguins.

Oh, penguins are cool.

Kind of like black and white Ewoks.

I approve.

Hey, where's my, uh, Kit-Kat? I put it right here on this table.

I don't know, but we've plenty of chocolate here.

No, no, you don't understand. I need that Kit-Kat--

she wrote her nuer on that wrapper. Where is it?

Uh-oh.

Hey, Dracula! Come on, give me the... give me it!

Where's the Kit-Kat?

Where's the Kit-Kat?!

Never found her number, never saw her again.

But every year, they have a Halloween party up on the roof,

so that's where I'll be.

You know, Ted, it's been four years.

She could be engaged or married,

or, God forbid, fat.

I don't know, I got a feeling--

this could be the year.

Halloween is a night of wonder and magic.

All right, bring the mockery, fine, I can take it.

But come on, wouldn't it be the coolest story ever

if the Slutty Pumpkin turned out to be my future wife?

Oh, on the off-chance that that could happen,

maybe we should stop calling her the Slutty Pumpkin.

- That's a really good point. - That's a good idea.

Ted, is your world ready to be rocked, rocked, rocked?

Can't wait.

So... what do you think?

So, what do you think?

Wow.

Marshall, are you wearing eyeliner?

Oh, yeah.

Weirdly hot, right?

We are so going to win the costume contest this year.

First prize: $50 gift certificate at the bar.

And how much did you pay for your costumes?

$100.

Each.

Well, I think you guys look great.

What are you going as?

Oh, like I even need to ask.

Hey, I want the Slutty Pumpkin to recognize me, and she knows me as...

a hanging chad.

What? She thought it was hilarious.

Yeah, four years ago, but nobody remembers what the hell a hanging chad is.

What a sad commentary on our national attention span--

that we could forget such a turbulent time in our political history.

Sad commentary.

All right, Polly got to pee.

Again?

Where you going?

It's an elaborate costume.

No, no, not again, not this year. You're going as my wingman.

Flight suit up.

No thanks. I'm sticking with the hanging chad.

Oh, you're dangerous, Maverick.

Your ego's writing checks your body can't cash.

Okay.

Here's the plan, and I crap you not.

I'm getting us into the Victoria's Secret Halloween Party.

Trust me, by the end of the night, your chad will not be hanging.

We can get rejected by supermodels any night of the year.

Tonight I'm going up to the roof, I'm going to have a few beers,

I'm going to wait for the Slutty Pumpkin.

It's just what I do.

Hmm. Victoria's Secret models prancing around in bras and panties...

or Yale preppies reuniting their stupid a capella group.

What's that, left hand?

"Right hand sucks"? Word.

Heading up to the roof.

Well, boys, looks like it's just the three of us.

What's that? "Self five"? Nice. We out.

Hey, Chad, how's it hanging?

Hey, word play, funny.

Whoo, nice outfit.

- I'm a parrot. - You sure are.

- Where's Mike? - He's meeting me here.

I ran late covering the Halloween parade in the Village.

There are, like, a zillion gay pirates this year.

Seriously, does my eyeliner look okay?

Yes, it's weirdly hot.

So, where's your costume?

Uh, you know, Mike and I joked about doing something together,

but we decided not to dress up.

Oh, geez.

Hi.

Uh, everyone, this is Michael.

That is not his real hair.

Um, where's your costume, Gretel?

You thought I was...

Oh, I was just kidding. I've got to stop making jokes in e-mails.

It's so hard to convey tone.

I think we got them beat.

I can't believe you talked me into this.

I didn't. You followed me up here.

This party sucks.

There's seven chicks here.

There's six chicks here.

Relax. The night is young. It's going to get better.

Ladies and gentlemen, as on pitch as they were at Spring Fling '95,

it's my pleasure to welcome back the Shaggarats.

What be a pirate's favorite kind of sweater?

Arr-gyle.

And what be a pirate's favorite fast food restaurant?

Arr-by's.

'Twould think it would be Arby's.

But, actually, it's Long John Silver's.

Actually, I kind of need this hand to eat.

Oh..

Oh, yeah.

- Oh, thank you. - I'm starrr... ving!

It's so nice to meet you, Mike. You guys are really cute together.

Yeah, we've been spending a lot of time together.

We're even getting to that point where we finish each other's...

- This cheeseburger is so... - Good. See?

I think you won the dish-off tonight, baby.

This steak totally bitch-slapped my pork chops.

That may be true,

but your rice pilaf kicked my spinach in the crotch so hard

it threw up a little bit.

Robin, you have to try this chicken.

Oh, that's good, I'm okay, thanks.

It's really tasty.

I'm just really feeling this cheeseburger.

Come on, just try a little bite.

Dude, I'm kind of in the zone here.

Oh, for God's sakes.

Really tasty.

Hey.