How I Met Your Mother

Thank you for bringing me here.

I am so glad we made it. That snowstorm

was getting really bad.

Wait, you think this is a snowstorm?

This is nothing. I'll tell you about a snowstorm.

It was winter break, freshman year of college...

Marshall and I were roommates, but we weren't

- really good friends yet. - Wait, stop.

You've told me this one before.

I have? When?

Uh, let's see. It was...

all the time.

Really?

You and Marshall drove back to school...

"500 Miles" played on a loop.

You took a back road, ran out of gas,

got stuck in a snowstorm, spooned to stay warm--

at least that's your story--

and at the end of it, you were best friends.

Okay. Okay, that's fine, because guess what.

That wasn't even the worst snowstorm ever.

It was 2008...

- Barney and I... - Took over the bar,

met the Arizona Tech marching band-- "Go Hens!"--

and they played "Auld Lang Syne" when Marshall

picked up Lily at the airport.

Okay. Have I told you about the time that Marshall...

Tried to put Christmas lights on Lily's grandparents' house

and the little ragamuffin from next door left him stranded

on the roof?

Did Lily tell you that one?

Yeah.

Lily used the word "ragamuffin."

So I've told you all my stories.

I'm afraid so,

I have plenty of stories that you don't know yet.

Like the one where my college roommates and I

went to this male strip club...

And your friend Dongnose got smacked on the nose

with a dong?

I know that one.

Okay.

What about the story that explains how...

Dongnose got her nickname "Dongnose"

and that it had nothing to do with the dong-smacking incident?

Heard it, loved it,

called it the greatest coincidence of the 21st century.

Wow.

You know every one of my stories.

And you know every one of mine.

I guess it's official.

We're an old married couple.

Nice! We did it!

== sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man

Well, well, if it isn't the Mosbys.

Hi. Hi.

Here for a romantic weekend away from the kids.

It's a good thing there's no guests on either side of you,

'cause those bedsprings are gonna squeak like mice

in a cheese factory. Am I right?

Just don't break any of the lamps like your friends

Barney and Robin, okay? That's not how the lamp broke.

Of course not. All right, you have fun, you two.

Uh,

what lamp is this?

The lamp Robin broke the day of the wedding.

Oh, my God.

You don't know this one.

Oh... man.

This is a good one.

I mean, it's got everything.

Intrigue, betrayal, lamps.

It is a ripping yarn, so buckle your seatbelt.

Just tell the story. Okay.

Here goes.

Robin broke a lamp.

Okay, this has to stop.

Come on, we're just having fun.

It has been a long weekend.

This is how I relax.

Really?

This is how you relax?

By not getting a single shot past me the entire morning?

You suck, Scherbatsky, you shoot like my grandma.

Okay, Scherbatsky, you just poked the dragon.

Here comes the bride.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, okay, okay. How about

we switch to an activity that's more suited to somebody who's,

you know, , getting married today?

Oh. We gonna go chug some Labatts?

I was thinking we could chug some memories instead.

"Barney & Robin: Lovers Forever

"and Ever and Ever:

A Love Story."

Sounds cheesy. I'm gonna go barf forever and ever and ever.

See you, hosers.

It's not cheesy.

See?

Uh, can you tell me the name of the guest

staying in room nine?

I'm sorry.

That would violate hotel privacy policy.

Well, maybe my old friend Mr. Lincoln...

can emancipate that information.

I'm so sorry, I wasn't clear.

I can't violate our hotel privacy policy.

For five dollars.

Something with a two on it is fine.

But those are super rare and the one I have is kind of lucky.

Just give me a 20, Mr. Mosby.

That room belongs to a Ms. Susan Tupp.

Oh, boy.

God, you're gorgeous.

Oh, I can't wait to be inside you.

Barney. Get out here, this is your wedding day.

Wha...

Where is she? Who?

Look, I just grossly overpaid for some information

about this room, so I know it's accurate.

This room belongs to Susan Tupp.

Who?

Susan Tupp.

Who?

Sue...

Tupp.

Suit up.

I'm trying to.

I need you to help me

pick the suit I'm gonna wear when I walk down the aisle.

Okay,

Robin walks down the aisle, you wait at the end of it.

Okay, then the suit I'll be wearing

when they all stand as I enter the chapel. That's also her.

Really? Man, the fellas sure do get boned

on the whole wedding thing, don't they? Okay.

All right, well, let's, let's pick you a suit.

What are... what are the top contenders?

Well, after careful consideration,

I have narrowed it down to

these ones...

and these ones...

and the other ones in this room

and all the ones in the adjoining room.

So you've narrowed it down to all your suits.

Yeah, we're screwed.

And this is a picture of the restaurant

where you and Barney had your first date.

And now you're getting married.

Mm.

from the meal you and Barney ate

at that restaurant on your first date.

And now you're getting married.

Can we look at this later?

Later? There is no later.

Robin,

this is a day you only get to do once.

You need to appreciate the importance of it right now.

Oh, my God.

How did I only just now realize this?

Dude, this hotel has The Wedding Bride 2

on pay-per-view.

Score.

This is the best day of my life!

I mean, I know Robin's not the girliest girl,

but you'd think on her wedding day,

she'd be at least a little sentimental.

Everyone deals with getting married differently.

I got what I thought was the worst haircut ever.

Till I fixed it with the actual worst haircut ever.

Which led to the worst wedding photos ever.

But at least you had a wedding day freak-out.

Baby, don't worry. Any minute now,

Robin's gonna get smacked in the face with her own

"holy crap, this is my wedding" moment,

and then she's gonna wedding out all over the place. I promise.

But you can't force it, it has to just happen.

Mm, I don't know. I mean, she bailed on my scrapbook

when she found out The Wedding Bride 2

is on pay-per-view.

The Wedding Bride 2 is on pay-per-view?!

I'm sorry, did...

did I hear you guys talking about

The Wedding Bride?

Oh, God. The movie or the...

smash Broadway musical?

Smash? Oh, oh, oh, I-I guess a show's a smash now

if it closes after only 96 weeks.

So my husband's ex-fiancé's husband

wrote the screenplay for The Wedding Bride.

"Jed Mosley" was based on Ted.

Okay, Jed was not based on me...

Hey!

That is not a toy, you ragamuffin.

That is an authentic flail I won at the Renaissance fair.

...entirely.

But, regardless, there's...

there's still some lingering pain there and...

Well, as you can imagine,

my friends promised me that they'd never watch it.

Wow.