The Sopranos

- So how's your mom, Ton? - Same.

But my ex-goomar's cousin, I got her to take care of her. Russian girl.

Who was telling me the Bevilaqua kid has money from construction?

- Fucking Matthew was never any good. - He sure cried like a baby.

I think the family was relieved he got taken out.

What are you gonna eat?

Hey, waiter!

That's the closest CW16 got Tony to discussing the Bevilaqua murder?

I think at this point it's time to consider 16, Bonpensiero, compost.

Bonpensiero was crucial to the Webistics stock fraud case.

So RICO-wise...

...the airline tickets, mail and wire fraud...

...if the mother testifies for immunity.

Whose own mother's gonna testify?

I say focus on his garbage business.

- Extortion. Interstate trucking. - It'll yield a prosecutable murder.

Richie Aprile, no doubt about it, the cartel had him whacked.

But Tony shows diligence when it comes to debugging.

- What about the home? - They talked in the basement.

His own basement? Where's the due diligence there?

Tony avoids business at home.

He'll take somebody out by the pool. Except there he fears parabolics.

The basement has noisy AC ducts. He turns on the air and he feels safe.

"Surreptitiously enter and leave." A "sneak and peek" warrant.

- Correct. - I said you could enter the basement.

Do we have to impact this family's privacy?

First we determine where to best place the wire.

Then the listening device will be fabricated and we install it.

See that they limit both entrances to the basement.

It's not a Better Homes and Gardens tour.

Happy hunting.

You know, the coffeemaker's got to be plugged in for it to work!

Same time as yesterday.

I'm just going to the stationery store.

I'll be right back. You don't gotta follow me. All right?

To drop a wire there's got to be nobody home for at least two hours.

The maid is gone on Tuesday afternoons.

- Why? - Classes to get her U.S. citizenship.

She's gone from 1 till about 2:45.

Class, then she and her husband have lunch.

He's applying for citizenship too.

What's his name again?

- Stasiu Wosilius. - I'll run that by Anti-Terrorism.

Carmela's gone on Tuesday. Tennis.

We need somebody on her and everybody that's got a key to the house.

Daughter's at Columbia.

Why risk it? She's 45 minutes away. Put somebody on her.

Anyone breaks for home, we need to warn the team to get the hell out.

- Unit 1, Baby Bing headed your way. - Copy, control.

Unit 2, you got Bada Bing headed your way.

Excuse me. Unit 3, Mrs. Bing also in motion.

- Do you have contact of Princess Bing? - Roger, control.

Unit 4, here comes the maid. Gray Jetta.

S.E. Team, the location's secure. You have 90 minutes.

Control, we're headed into the sausage factory.

Oh, Look at this.

- Just in time. - Set a plate.

You got it.

I had him darn it in the shoulder, like she wanted.

- It shouldn't have torn. - Beautiful coat.

- What the fuck? Lunch is ready. - I wash my hands.

- You washed your hands. - I tied my shoe.

- So what? - I can't stand touching shoelaces.

Ever tie your shoes and notice the ends of your laces are wet?

- From what? Why would they be wet? - I got no fucking idea.

- You stand at the urinals... - Come on, will you?

He's asking, I'm telling. It's important.

Even if the lace is dry and you don't touch the shoe.

- Bacteria and virus migrate. - You see this on TV?

I gotta watch TV to figure out the world? A men's shithouse is a sewer.

In ladies' johns, you could eat maple ice cream from the toilets.

There's exceptions. But a men's?

Piss all over the fucking floor. Urinals jammed with cigarettes.

They can pour all the ice they want, it does nothing to kill germs.

- Even if you don't drag the laces. - Shut the fuck up!

Mission control, I'm disabling the line to the phone company.

Phone line to the alarm is neutralized. Cut it.

Hold your breath. I'm clipping the siren.

Pick it, Wilson.

Control, we're working on entry. Estimate three to four minutes.

You're not hungry?

- Have some braciole. - No, thanks.

I got no appetite.

- Today would've been our birthday. - "Our" birthday?

Oh, yeah.

Spoons.

- Happy birthday. How old are you? - 51.

Who came first, you or Spoons?

Philip was my kid brother by 11 minutes.

Hey, it was a fucking tragedy.

What're you gonna do?

- It's the life we chose. Right, Pat? - But my brother was never a heavy guy.

I mean, he was a sweet, gentle man.

- Your brother was your twin brother? - Philly.

Friends, like us, called him Spoons. Somebody whacked the kid.

Before you came over.

You big-mouthed fuck! Fuck!

- You identical twin? Or the other kind? - Identical.

Here, have something to eat.

There's a twin bond. Unless you experienced it, you can't understand.

- Okay with onions? - Maybe it sounds crazy to you.

Hey, nothing sounds crazy anymore. The older I get...

It's over, right?

Don't it happen that twins can die within days of each other?

- That would've been okay, believe me. - Come on! God forbid!

- I miss him so much. - Well, that's natural.

You're with us. Leave the morbid shit back at Junior's crew...

...and have a happy birthday.

Happy birthday.

You wanna commit suicide? Tie your shoes and have a bite of braciole.

Hey, stonato, it's a joke. Come on!

Hello!

- God, don't transfer me now. - Adriana La Cerva.

How green was my fucking valley.

Carmela!

Hi, Ed.

This is my friend. Adriana La Cerva, Ed Restuccia.

I'm delighted to teach a pal of Carm's. My most disciplined student.

Perfect muscle tone doesn't hurt either.

I have to apologize, Carm.

I thought I called everybody. I won't be teaching here anymore.

- Everything's all right? - Basically.

Kitty got this dot-com job in San Diego, so we're moving.

- I didn't even know you were married. - Yeah.

But you're in luck. Birgit is taking over.

- How wonderful. - I never even played once.

That's why you're here.

Carm, I was wondering about letters of recommendation...

Kitty's company sells antiques, so if you wanted a piece...

- No antiques. My house is traditional. - I'm cutting into your lesson.

- Carmela, bye. Nice meeting you. - Take care.

Baby Bing is leaving school property. I'm on it.

- Taking orders. - Snapple.

- Me too. - I only got 2 bucks.

Mrs. Celeste almost saw my board.

- What a retard rule: "No boards." - They can't see how useful boards are.

In the cafeteria, each person could just roll past the food...

...and make their decisions. Yeah.

That food tastes like ass.

Hit it!

- I had enough for one. - Give me a hit.

Don't backwash.

- I won't do anything for this school. - Mom's all, "Get involved."

- I am. With boarding. - It's Egon.

Hey, Kosma!

Okay!

- Where you been? - Orthodontist.

- What class you ditching? - Assembly.

- Excellent jersey. - Yeah.

- Wait. You went out for JV ball? - Yeah.

Mr. Quadriplegic, remind me not to visit you in the hospital.

- That is a cool shirt. - Yeah.

- What position? - Douche bag.

Okay, cut it!

Y'all should have come.

- Where'd you go? - We started off at Smoke's, as usual.

But we wound up at this place, Ruby Foo's...

...round Broadway and 65th, or something.

It was so fun. God, did I get hammered!

- Don't you have a quiz today? - Frosh Week. What do they expect?

- I'll study now. - I have a bio lab. I haven't read it.

- Still miss New Jersey? - It's only, like, half an hour away.

It's just this transition. It's a lot of work.

New York is an experience that unalterably changes a person.

- It is really great. - And all this freedom of college.

- When did you have your last cocktail? - 11:30 this morning.

Jesus, Caitlin.

- What is the most important right? - Right to vote.

What is this?

Special capers from Italy. Soprano kids don't like them.

- Who wrote the "Star-Spangled Banner"? - Martin Luther King.

- Stasiu, you know this. - I want to eat.

Francis Scott Key.

Fuck his whore of a mother.

What holiday was celebrated by the American colonists?

- Martin Luther King. - Stasiu!

That's answer to number 49. "Who was civil rights leader?"

- Which sandwich is for you? - I don't care.

This hostility of yours.

Why do we bother having our picnics together?

Are you so bitter about driving a cab you have to ruin a beautiful day?

- Ready. - Start shooting over here.

Back in Lodz, I was an engineer with 20 employees...

...and a grant from the state to do autonomous research.

It bores you?

Don't take those out. Put them with capers. I take them home.

They belong to Mrs. Soprano.

They have so much stuff. Tomorrow I'm taking some champagne glasses.

That's just for Anthony Jr.

- They're expecting WWIII. - More likely the Colombo wars.

He's got the Black & Decker. I got one of those.

- 120-gallon water heater. - My house, we shiver after showers.

Wait a minute. Go back.

Look at the brown water, there.

- What, Ike? - You don't see it?

Creep forward. Give us some magnification.

That baby's gonna blow.

Tony got about six months left on that lining.

- A shame we can't warn him. - During his trial we can inform him.

Except that's at least a year from now. By that time, boom!