The Sopranos

Mr. Soprano?

Yeah.

Have a seat.

My understanding from Dr. Cusamano, your family physician,

is that... you collapsed.

Possibly a panic attack? You were unable to breathe?

They said it was a panic attack. 'Course all the uh...

... blood work and the neurological work came back negative.

And they sent me here.

You don't agree that you had a panic attack?

How are you feeling now?

Good.

Fine. Back at work.

What line of work are you in?

Waste management consultant.

Look, it's impossible for me to talk to a psychiatrist.

Any thoughts at all on why you blacked out?

I don't know. Stress, maybe.

About what?

T - I don't know.

The morning, the day I got sick, I'd been thinking.

It's good to be in something from the ground floor.

And I came too late for that. I know.

But lately, I'm getting the feeling that I came in at the end.

The best is over.

DR. - Many Americans, I think, feel that way.

T - I think about my father.

He never reached the heights like me.

But in a lot of ways, he had it better. He had...

... his people. They had their standards. They had pride.

Today, what do we got?

DR. - Did you have these feelings of loss more acutely before you collapsed?

I don't know.

T - A couple months before this, these two ducks landed in my pool.

It was amazing. They're from Canada or someplace, and it was mating season.

They had some ducklings.

My daughter's friend was there to drive my daughter, Meadow, to school.

Meadow, your father with those ducks!

- I know, the whole yard smells like duck poo. It's like embarassing.

- Girls, you gotta have more than just cranberry juice for breakfast, alright?

You need brain food for school. Happy birthday, handsome.

Thirteen.

Yeah, he doesn't act it.

Shut up.

The male and female duck just made a home in your pool and did it?

Get out of here! You're so gross!

Girls. - Mhm?

You want some of last night's sfogliatelle?

- Get out of here with that fat. - One bite.

How do you stay skinny, Mrs. Soprano?

Him, with those ducks.

And listen, if you don't like that ramp...

I'll build you another one, right? Maybe it's the wood.

Hey! Hey kids, c'mere! C'mere, they're trying to fly!

C'mere, the babies! They're trying to fly!

Look, they're trying to fly.

- National Geographic , Dad. - Yeah, super.

- You showed us yesterday. - This is great!

Now my wife feels this friend is a bad influence.

It's so cool you're gonna be able to come to Aspen with my family at Christmas.

Last year at Aspen I saw Skeet Ulrich, as close as from where you're sitting. - Oh my god.

Miss Meadow, we made a deal.

You keep your school grades up and you keep your curfew between now and Christmas.

Then you get to go. - I know that.

- Morning, ladies. - Hey, Mr. Soprano. - We're late, Dad.

- Happy birthday. - Thanks, Dad.

You're gonna be home tonight for Anthony Jr.'s birthday party, right?

Birdman, hello?

Yeah, yeah. I'll get home early from work.

I'm not talking about work.

This isn't gonna work; I can't talk about my personal life.

Finish telling me about the day you collapsed.

I drove to work with my nephew. Christopher, he's learning the business.

Now he's an example of what I was talking about before.

Did you call uh... what's-his-name down at Triborough Towers about the hauling contract?

I got home too late last night, I didn't want to wake the man up.

Did you get up early and call? He's always in his office by 6.

I was nauseous this morning. My mother told me I shouldn't even come in today.

Bear in mind, this is a kid who just bought himself a $60,000 Lexus.

- There's that guy Mahaffey. - Get out.

Right there, next to the boo-boo in pink.

Back up.

My friend Mahaffey. Pulling his taffy. - Hello.

We saw this guy.

And there was this issue of an outstanding loan.

Can I stop you for a second?

I don't know where this story is going.

But there are a few ethical ground rules we should quickly get out of the way.

What you tell me here falls under...

doctor/patient confidentiality.

Except if I was...

if I was to hear, let's say, a-- a murder was to take place...

Not that I'm saying it would, but if .

If a patient comes to me and tells me a story where someone's going to get hurt...

...I'm supposed to go to the authorities.

Technically.

You said you were in waste management.

The environment.

Dr. Cusamano, besides being your family physician,

is also your next-door neighbor.

See what I'm saying?

I don't know what happened with this fellow, I'm-- I'm...

I'm just saying.

Nothing.

We had coffee.

Alex!

Help!

Security! Help!

Oh, shit.

Asshole!

Tony!

Wait up!

Security! Security!

You all right?

My leg is broken, The bone's coming through!

Let me see.

I'll give you a fucking bone, you prick! Where's my fucking money?

So you had coffee.

Right.

You son of a bitch motherfucker!

- What are you doing? Get over here! - That's $3000 here. $3000.

Go ahead.

Where's the fucking money?

I'll get the money!

I know you'll get the fucking money.

You know what you should get, a cork in your fucking mouth 'cause you tell people I'm nothing...

...compared to the people that used to run things. You prick.

I'm 'nothing'.

Shut up!

What are you crying about? HMO, huh? You're covered.

You prick.

Degenerate fucking gambler.

- Go on. - Next, I had a breakfast meeting.

I was called in to consult by a garbage-hauling company I represent.

A'ight, P, what's the story with Triborough Towers?

Well the site manager wants to renew his contract with Dick, but this Kolar Sanitation...

It's another nationwide company.

Yeah, the Kolar brothers. They're some kind of Czechoslovakian immigrants or some shit.

These Polacks. They'll haul paper, plastic, and aluminum for 7,000 a month. Less than Dick.

So they pay us 40 times the monthly for stealing a stop.

That's the thing: they won't.

He says if he can tell the commie bosses back in Czechoslovakia to go fuck themselves...

...he can fucking tell us. - Ohh!

- I give up. - Fucking garbage business.

Yeah, I know. It's all changing.

Let me see what I can do.

Oh, you sure? You over your stomachache?

- Oh, yeah. - Good.

What are you doing here? - Hey!

Gabriella sends me down here for the gabagool.

Hey, T, let me ask you something.

You uh... you used to go to school with a guy named Artie Bucco?

This situation came up, it involves my uncle.

I can't go into details on this one.

That's fine.

But I will say this. My uncle adds to my general stress level.

It's none of my business...

...but down at the club, the word is...

...your Uncle Junior is gonna whack Pussy Malanga.

He's gonna do it at your friend Artie Bucco's restaurant.

Hey, boys. How are you?

Don't move.

Uncle Jun, how you doing?

Hey, good to see you.

Hi there, Chris. - Hey, Uncle Junior.

I was just talking about you. It's Anthony Jr.'s birthday dinner tonight, right?

Don't buy him anything big, we overindulge him. Okay?

Hey!

- Artie, how's your rash? - It's itchy.

Come here.

- Good to see you. You'll come over? - Yeah, have a seat.

You know what it means for Arthur, one of these mutts gets wet in here?

Yeah. Ruin his business.

You better sit down with your uncle.

Uncle Junior's my father's brother.

A good guy, just getting old. Cranky.

He used to take me to Yankee games when I was a kid.

I love my uncle.

At the same time...

When I was young he told my girl cousins I would never be a varsity athlete and, frankly...

That was a tremendous blow to my self-esteem.

Who's there?

It's me, Ma.

Who are you?

Ma, open the door.

- Anthony? - Yeah, it's me. Open the door.

Hi, how are you?

Jeez, Ma. Get some air in here.

Did you lock the door after you?

- Yeah, I did. - Somebody called here last night.

- After dark. - Who?

You think I'd answer? It was dark out.

Ma, I'll never understand that.

The phone is an auditory thing. Dark is an eye thing.

I can understand not going out after dark, you get jumped in the shadows, whatever.

But not answering the phone after dark?

Oh listen to him, he knows everything. You want some lunch? I got eggplant.

No, no, I just ate. Know who I just ran into?

Uncle Jun.

Oh, that one. You think he ever comes to see his sister-in-law?