Mr. D

Good morning students.

Here are your daily announcements.

Could whoever stole Mr. Clark's '84 Tercel,

please return it...

No questions asked. And also...

It seems someone unplugged the metal detector again.

So let's all keep an extra eye out this morning. Thank you.

Can I get everybody's attention? Hello!

Can we look up?

Can we settle? Okay.

Don't make me do it.

Don't mess around, okay?

'Cause I have lots of little tricks to quiet you down.

Like that.

- Can we have our seats please? - Gentlemen, please sit.

Thank you.

Sir, could you grab a seat please?

- This is my seat. - That is your... on the stairs?

Oh. Welcome back. I hope you had a great summer.

I will be your new geo...

Hello.

Okay.

And you're pregnant too, wow.

I will be your new teacher.

- Mr. D. - What does the D stand for?

Dick?

Oh good, yeah that's funny.

The D would only stand for Dick, if my name was Richard.

And my name is not Richard, it is Gerry. So...

No dick here.

Okay, why don't we take attendance?

See if we can get off on a better foot. Learn each others names.

Is La-a here?

Laaa, Laaa.

L-A and then there's a line.

And another A. La-A.

- Ladasha, guy. - I'm sorry?

La. Dash. A. My name's Ladasha, like it says, guy.

Ah, playing a joke on me.

Are you even a real teacher, guy?

- Yes, I am a real teacher. - Can we lose the 'guy' thing, please?

The only guy we have to lose is you, guy.

I think we need to lose Ladasha.

So maybe you can, La-dash-a to the office, Ladasha.

There's a good way to start your school year.

Spit your gum out too, please. We do not chew gum in class.

"Turn Me Loose" By: Loverboy.

- Aloha, Trudels. - What's that?

I can't hear ya over that shirt.

- Oh, glad you noticed, thank you. - It came with the new me.

Apparently, old Robert wasn't good enough to be principal

around here, so I thought to myself,

'cause who else would you think to?

Why not show people the real me? Fun Robert.

Looks a lot like the old Robert, in a stupid shirt.

Ouch. Old Robert would have been devastated by that comment.

But new, fun Robert? Gonna let his backbone slide.

What the clam? Oh, primary kids this year, right.

Good idea Lisa, more work for me.

More obnoxious parents to deal with.

Not yours, dear. I'm sure they're delightful.

Would-you-like-to meet-Robert-the-robot?

- That-is-me. - Who's a little baby?

Coo coo, coo coo. Ba da ba.

Here.

- I'll grow on them. - I just need to...

Expose fun Robert to the children.

- Good idea. - Genius.

- Morning ladies. - Don't touch me, perv.

- I never touched you. - I saw what you were thinking.

- I wasn't thinking anything. - Hey, you hittin' on my girl?

No, I just said good morning to your girl... sss.

Oh I see, so you're just some kinda freak?

No, it's just a gesture that people say to be nice.

Well, try it again, see what happens.

- Shut up. - Ah, I heard you mumbling.

There's no possible way you heard what I just said.

Yeah, I did, 'cause I got 20/20 hearing.

- Great catch. - I know.

Mmmmmm.

- Come on. - We have little kids here now.

Too much.

50 Shades of Paisley.

- Hey Ted. - Hello Trudy.

- What are you doin' here, Ted? - Oh, I'm just waiting to drive Emma home.

- Oh, she leaving early? - No, same time as usual.

So, like, in seven hours?

Seems crazy to go all the home, just to come back again.

- Crazy. - What's the WiFi password?

-"Get a life" -Hmm, clever! I like that.

"Get a life" That's a good one.

- So, do you have a laptop or...? - No.

Just, ah, I like learning passwords while I eat chips.

Mmm, mmm. Mmmmmm!

Come get some.

- What is that? - Days until early retirement.

- Ohhhh. - Freedom.

I don't even know how many... Oh!

Whoa! What is that?

Just a little project a few of us are working on.

Hey, anybody come at you yet?

- What do you mean? - Y'know, anyone bothering you?

Nah, there's a couple kids,

that were kinda getting in my face a little.

- But, I can handle myself here. - I hear ya.

Hey, if you need a friend...

Well, thank you, that's very kind of ya.

I could be a friend to you.

I don't think... I don't think we're gonna be friends.

Hard to get.

I like that.

Whoa!

Hello?

- Just stick it in. - Oh my gosh.

That's what she said.

- Ya okay Robert? - Yeah, just great.

- And I am loving what I am seeing. - What is this, a blend?

It is. 30 percent cotton, 30 percent polyester.

A hundred percent fun.

That's what the guy at the store said when I bought it.

This is great.

Robert, can we just talk about this business?

Seriously, Robert, it can't be easy working under Lisa.

Why can't it? I love Lisa.

'Cause it wasn't the news I expected? Huh?

'Cause I'm not principal?

I'm just the same old vice principal?

Maybe so. But I went home, ate some gouda.

And I thought about things for a few weeks and I realized this...

Lisa's on her own journey and I'm on mine.

Because in this lifetime you have to let love live.

Let love live.

That's what I'm doing. That's what I'd suggest you do too.

That man is not right in the head.

What do you think the bird thing meant?

"Alone" By: Gilbert O'Sullivan.

- Hi Luce. Look over here. - She can't hear me.

It's Mr. D.

Stephan.

Aw Stef, I miss you buddy.

I miss your silly questions.

You're getting so much older.

And there's Sheila.

I'm so sorry you're graduating this year, I'm not gonna be here.

To guide you.

And there's Alex.

I never cared much for you, Alex.

- We've talked about this. - Move along.

I told you, Officer, I used to teach here.

These kids email me. All the time.

They say, come back and visit Sir, we miss you.

You're in touch with these kids online?

- Email. Email's not online. - Email's a way of communicating.

Can you send an email without using the internet?

- Then it's online. - Do you have kids?

- Yes sir, two girls. - Okay, so two girls.

So, you give me their email and I'll email them and you can read what I email...

- You know what? - Just get out of here.

How am I doing?

Ha, I'll tell you how I'm doing. I'm not doing great.

I didn't ask.

- These kids are delinquents at this school. - Mmm, I don't care.

They make Xavier students look like angels.

I can't do this much longer.

Hey, think Jimmy would get me a job at Barrels?

Yeah, I spoke to him, he hates you.

Oh, I think I hate him, tell him.

I'm gonna quit this job. I think I'm done.

- Safety first, right? - Mmm, actually rent first.

So, don't quit your job until you have another one lined up.

- Like, preferably a day job. - Why does it have to be a day job?

- That's how this works, man. - You work days, I work nights.

We never see each other.

I thought it worked 'cause we were best friends in the whole wide world.

No, Gerry. Minimal interaction.

Gahhh! You got me there.

- Pick up on printer one. - On it.

- Boom. - Thank you.

- Good morning, Xavier Academy. - How can I help you?

I'm goin' to get some coffee, want anything?

And your sons first name, please?

Banana milkshake.

- Where the hell do you think I'm go...? - I'm going to the staff room.

Any flavour's fine, I'm just real busy right now.

Okay, let me just look up his file.

There you are Robert, we've been looking for you.