Smallville

Subs by KalEl82

You know, if you're not in the mood for my spaghetti,

we could always order in Thai.

No spaghetti, no Thai.

I wanna look good for Lana's birthday party.

I just think that maybe you're focusing a little too hard on this one party.

It's not just the party, it's everything. It's--

Nobody likes me.

And why should they? I'm a cow.

But I've got a new plan.

From now on, no more food. Just this.

Cutting the heads off supermodels. It's kind of redundant, isn't it?

Just looking for outfit ideas.

I still don't have anything to wear to Lana's party.

What's up?

Pete and I were hoping you could give us a quick algebra download.

I thought Clark usually helps you guys.

He's a little preoccupied helping the birthday girl.

-Oh. -We'll even buy you lunch.

That looks, uh, appetizing.

Losing weight is never pretty.

Ross, we're getting a game together.

Do you want in, or do you want to keep whale-watching?

Dustin, back off.

Ooh. Chill out, cool guy. I didn't know you were a chubby-chaser.

- Jodi, wait. - Oh, man.

You'd think someone that big would have a thicker skin.

You'd think someone that stupid would have a thicker head.

Jodi, we talked about this. Starving yourself isn't the way.

I'm tired of waiting.

Waiting and weighing and keeping a diary of everything that I eat

so that I can feel guilty if I have one extra grape.

I understand all of that, but you can't just stop eating. It's not healthy.

Honey, you're beautiful already.

Just like your mother.

No, Dad. I'm not.

Mom wasn't fat.

Okay, that's enough.

Done already?

Your heart can go on like that forever.

Good.

I don't want to go through this physical nonsense for five years.

Well, let's hope not.

There is one thing I need to talk to you about.

Your blood work came in. You have an unusually elevated white-cell count.

What, like leukemia?

That's not likely. I don't get sick.

-Are you on any medication? -Nope.

-Do you have any allergies? -No.

Childhood illness?

-Asthma. -When did that stop?

The day I lost my hair. Is this going somewhere?

If this were anywhere else, I'd order tests.

But I do see a lot of this in Smallville.

Why should Smallville be any different?

Well, some say it's because the LuthorCorp plant has contaminated the environment.

I very much doubt that.

Let's order those tests.

Now, I want this to be special.

What do you think about a three-tier birthday cake?

Thanks for the lifeline.

It's a math midterm. I didn't pull you out of a burning building.

- I still appreciate it. - Lana?

I wanted to get your opinion on the balloons.

Now, I think white always looks good.

-Works for me. -Okay.

This whole birthday extravaganza has been pretty distracting.

Having a birthday party at Lex's mansion seems pretty cool to me.

It stopped being my party a long time ago.

If it was up to me, it would be pizza and loud music with my friends.

Did you tell Nell that?

We've been through a lot the past few months. I figure I should give her this.

Lana, guess what.

The scout called!

-I got the tryout with Kansas State. -That's incredible!

Hey, congrats.

I haven't said yes yet.

They want me there on Saturday, your big night.

It's Nell's big night. I was just telling Clark it wasn't important.

Yeah, Scout's honor.

I want you to go.

Hey, I'll catch up with you guys later.

Clark, I'm telling you, this is good news for you.

Kansas State gives Whitney a scholarship and Lana gives him a tongue bath.

How is that good news?

Even I'm having a hard time following this skewed logic.

Lana's going to be dateless for her own party.

Hi, Pete.

Jodi?

You look...

Thinner?

I was still looking for a euphemism, but, yeah.

-Are you okay? -Never better.

My diet's just starting to pay off. Bought some new clothes.

You look great.

Thank you for sticking up for me yesterday.

Most people wouldn't have done that.

Most people can't stand Dustin.

Yeah.

Listen. I was wondering, do you have a date for Lana's party?

No, he's still free.

Would you like to go with me?

He'd love to.

Great. Okay, well, I'll see you later.

Bye.

I don't get it.

Women dig me. Get used to it.

No, I mean Jodi. It's like she lost that weight overnight.

If she could do that, half the school would be after that secret. Come on.

Let's go.

Hello.

Lana, hi. Come in.

Hey.

Lana, can I interest you in a latte?

I'll pass. Bad waitressing flashbacks.

I brought over the produce order for the party.

-You could have called it in. -And miss a chance to leave the house?

Nell's planning this party like a royal wedding.

Oh, yeah, I can tell.

Dad, I got the posts in the west field.

I hit some granite, but I jammed it through.

Very impressive.

I had a sledgehammer.

Somebody's gotta work around here.

Thought you'd be posing for ice sculptures by now.

I'm hiding out.

You have my sympathies. Whitney's not even here for backup.

I know. I contemplated stowing away in the back of his truck on Saturday.

A no-show at your own party. That would keep the town talking.

I wouldn't do that to Nell.

It's just, all this attention is a little unnerving.

Well, if you like, I could be your escort on Saturday.

You know, so I can fend off the throngs of adoring fans.

-I'd like that. -Great.

I better go.

If I'm away too long, Nell will probably send out a search party.

And, Clark...

Promise me you'll make it this time.

I promise.

-Thanks. -Bye.

Escort to fend off the adoring fans?

-What's wrong with that? -Nothing, Clark.

I just don't want to see you get hurt.

Mom, Lana and I are just friends.

Okay.

I'm officially butting out.

Uh, so, what are you gonna get her for her birthday?

I don't know.

Any ideas?

My mother always said the best gifts come from the heart.

Jodi, you feeling okay? You look a little, uh...

Yeah, don't worry, Dad, I'm feeling great.

I even got a date for Lana's party.

Jodi, that's terrific.

But I want you to eat something more than those shake things, all right?

You know what? I will.

I'm done counting calories.

I've gotta go.

-Don't stay up too late. -Okay.

Bye!

Getting your morning Lana fix?

Chloe, don't you ever knock?

It's a barn, Clark.

Is there a reason you're here early, or do you just enjoy busting my chops?

A little of both.

Did you hear about the accident last night? A deer was hit out on Route 5.

-Not exactly "Wall of Weird" material. -Check out the paper.

Animal Control said that the deer died of causes unknown.

So?

Not much unknown about a bumper at 60 miles per hour.

I'd love to run down theories with you, but I've got chores to do.

And I still haven't figured out what to get Lana for her birthday.

Well, you or your family knows people at Animal Control, right?

One perk of growing up on a farm.

I was thinking we could stop by before school.

You could use your pull, take a couple of pictures.

I'll help you out with your gift-giving dilemma.

Okay, but I want it to be something unique.

Just don't make it as unique as what you gave me last year.

Very impressive use of pull: "Can I use your bathroom?"

I can't believe we're looking for road kill.

The deer's in there.

The door's locked.

I'm gonna go find a maintenance worker.

Chloe, it's open.

How'd you do that?

Kent charm.

Lift it up. Go.

Looks like jerky.

The lab report says the deer lost something like 80 percent of its fat.

It's like it's been liposuctioned to death.