Speechless

Okay, come on, kids. You're late for school.

Oh, my goodness, it's First Second First Day.

First day of school, it's your second year at the same school,

first time that's happened... First Second First Day.

First... second...

Ray, you're supposed to be the smart one.

Pretend to get it.

Oh, yeah, it's great.

Okay, I am not trying to be rude,

but everybody shut up and go to school.

Dylan, you're gonna need your backpack.

Oh, yeah. Where is that idiot?

JJ, you ready?

No. We're having a bit of a sartorial standoff.

We can't both wear heather-gray polos and khakis.

We'll look like we're signing people up for credit cards!

JJ, could you please go change... quickly.

- Why the rush, Dad? - Glad you asked.

I have waited three months for the house to be empty,

and it is finally here.

Today, I am taking an uninterrupted shower.

No more stopping because somebody needs to pee

or we ran out of hot water

or someone let an opossum into the house.

I let a raccoon in the house.

The possum was his loser friend.

I'm just as eager to get out of here as you are.

I've got the ultimate in bragging rights...

A girlfriend who goes to another school.

Darling, that's true, but, famously,

that is a thing nobody believes.

I know no one believes someone

when they say they have a girlfriend

that goes to another school, but not this time.

I'm Taylor Marriman, Ray DiMeo's girlfriend.

And here's today's newspaper so you know it's real!

- Boom! - Perfect.

That hostage-style video is gonna fix everything.

In the car! Got to shower!

There we go... Two completely different shirts.

Perfect.

What?

I'd like our outfits to be telling some kind of story.

Get... Get out of my house.

Dylan, where are we on the backpack?

Where was the last place I had it?

"Suck it, school!

Summertime!"

It was here the whole time! All right!

And my bagel's still here.

Best First Second First Day ever!

- Do you understand it? - No.

Mrs. DiMeo! How was your summer?

It was lovely, thank you. How was yours?

Deeply weird.

But anyway, please follow me.

I'd like to show you something.

Presenting...

- Oh! - Ow!

Our newest students!

Gosh, I'm all for showmanship,

but how long were you sitting in the dark?

- Oh, not long. - 20 minutes.

These lovely young people are registered to start next week,

and it is all thanks to you.

We were all at the Special Education Panel

you spoke at in July.

You gave such a strong endorsement

of Lafayette's disability program,

we followed your lead and transferred.

- Aww. - Amazing!

You spoke at the panel?

I thought you were just in the audience.

Well, no, I was, but then they realized

I had an enormous amount to offer,

and so they invited me onstage.

Hello. Maya DiMeo.

How can we as parents best advocate

for our children's needs?

- Well, I think as parents... - If I may.

Thank you so much. Thank you.

As I like to say, it's the school that teaches the child,

but it's the parents who teach the school.

Now, what do I mean by that?

Your advice was just so spot-on.

Ohh, you noticed that.

And delivered so loudly.

- - Thank you.

We just can't wait to pick your brain some more

about our new school.

That is an excellent idea.

Oh, my goodness. Wisdom. Ding. Ding.

Prepared to be imparted.

- Bing! Bing! Bing! Bing! -

There's enough for everyone.

I always feared this day would come.

She's being validated.

Run!

Powers: There she is.

Dylan DiMeo, meet Leah Roberts.

Hi.

This is Leah's first day at Lafayette,

and we thought, since you got the tour last year,

we'd do a fun switcheroo and have you show Leah around!

Sounds fun.

Have you shown her the library?

Well, that's not the library.

Oh.

Okay.

So, that is not the library.

Maybe we should start off downstairs.

Oh, there is no downstairs.

W-What did you think was downstairs?

The Trogett Center for Media and the Humanities?

Yeah, but there is n...

And that's just so specific.

Okay, you know what? Maybe I should find another student.

Nah, I'll bang it out.

Bumpy takeoff, but I know the place.

Okay. Then, uh... thank you, Dylan.

- No problem. - Great.

Your dad seems nice.

Ray, talk some sense into your brother.

JJ needs to take a language this year,

and he's insisting on taking German.

Why?

"I like making Kenneth say B-E..."

JJ, name one instance where you're gonna have to say

"bezirksschornstein-fegermeister."

Oh, hi, Kenneth.

Oh! Gabrielle of House Moreno.

What up? Clutch to see you.

Uh, you caught me getting lost in a book.

Oh.

"Who is that?"

It's Ms. Moreno, the Spanish teacher...

Who apparently drives Kenneth

bezirksschornstein-fegermeister.

"Change of plans.

Sign me up for Spanish."

JJ, why?

He doesn't need any help.

Pretty good, right?

Only five lessons, I swear to God.

Hey, Jimmy! Getting in shape?

Nah... getting dirty for a shower.

Hey, you gonna use that stuff?

Hit me!

Thank you!

Now, who's got questions?

Doesn't have to be about disability.

I've got thoughts on politics, cyberspace, and I'm a foodie.

How long did you know before you got here

that Lafayette would be this amazing paradise for your son?

See, I love those questions...

'cause they show how little you know.

Lafayette was no paradise.

We got what we needed

because I never just took what they offered.

Don't be afraid of the big ask.

I mean, that is how we got our full-time aide, Kenneth.

Oh, Dr. Miller didn't offer any of us full-time aides.

Then demand it!

I don't know how to thank you.

Nobody tells you how to do this stuff,

and I always felt so alone trying to figure it out.

Oh, well, you're not alone anymore.

I'm here to help you.

- - You got any more questions?

More of a comment than a question...

Uh, my ex-wife is gonna tell you all

that I'm not ready to date, but I am.

But are you really?

She's right... I'm not. Maya, you're a genius.

And we conclude our tour with the cafeteria.

Boy: Hey!

That is a restroom.

You... really don't seem to know much about this place.

Yeah, well, I change schools a lot,

so I didn't think I'd be here.

And quite frankly, after that tour,

I'm not too impressed.

You don't have to babysit me anymore.

You probably want to go have lunch with your friends.

Nah, actually, I'm gonna head out.

Which way was the exit, again?

That way.

Look at you, MapQuest!

Mrs. DiMeo. Don't worry.

I know I often come in here to yell or beg

and occasionally make international phone calls,

but this visit, I'm going to do none of those things.

- Oh? - I'm here to thank you.

All those new families you brought me...

The Mayan Empire, people are calling it.

Oh, wow.

We are going to change their lives.

I spent so many years fighting for JJ,

and now I feel like I'm part of something bigger,

and it feels great, so thank you.