Rome

"A fine reward is offered for the return

of a slave woman stolen...

or absconded from the house of Claudius Appius.

The following noblemen returning from Greece

have received pardon of Caesar and must not be harmed:

Publius Servilius Casca,

Marcus Tullius Cicero,

Gaius Cassius Longinus

and Marcus Junius Brutus.

The traitor Pompey has fled to Egypt,

glorious Caesar follows."

Shoulder arms!

Forward!

Forward face!

Forward march!

- (CHANTING STOPS) - Behold, Ptolemy.

He of the two ladies.

He of sedge and bee.

Behold Ptolemy.

Son of Ra.

Ptolemy the divine.

Greetings.

How long may we hope for the blessing of your presence?

Not long.

Oh, we are desolated.

If his glorious honor cares to divulge his purpose here,

the servants of the mighty lion would be ecstatic to help you

in any way whatsoever.

That is most kind of you.

How goes your preparation for war?

War?

We have no war prepared.

I'm misinformed then.

I was told the sister of the mighty lion

disputes his right to the throne.

Do not speak of her.

I piss on her! I shit on her!

It is true, our beloved princess

has listened to ill counsel and raised some absurd claim.

But... She has no support,

none but traitors and barbarians.

What was that name?

Deilogos of Pergamum.

He can raise ten legions.

Deilogos of Pergamum can raise ten legions for her.

A petty bandit. I assure you, you have no problem.

No fears at all about Cleopatra.

Where is she?

Well, nobody knows.

Somewhere in the south, we believe.

He lies. They have her.

This dispute between you both must end.

Rome desires Egypt to be at peace.

Your grain ships must keep sailing.

We are in absolute control of the country,

from the lighthouse to the cataracts.

Good, in that case you should have no trouble

in handing over Pompey Magnus.

I do not like his tone.

He can go.

Master, do you remember what we spoke of before?

Of crocodile and fox?

Let us show him our surprise!

All right, go on. Show him.

We have a gift for you, glorious excellency,

that we think you will be very pleased with.

We were going to make him a body,

moving arms and legs,

and do a mime show with real animals and everything...

Silence!

Shame on the house of Ptolemies

for such barbarity. Shame.

But... you are enemies.

He was a consul of Rome!

A consul of Rome.

To die in this sordid way,

quartered like some low thief.

Shame!

Where is the rest of him?

Uh, he has been cremated,

with all proper funeral rites of course.

With all decorum.

I shall return tomorrow,

at which time you will give me

the man that took Pompey's life.

Captain says the wind is fair.

Good.

We can leave whenever you like.

You will take half the men, return to Rome immediately.

You shall have the honor of announcing Pompey's death.

I shall follow you...

when I've settled things here.

Settled things? Settled what things?

Civil war is in the air.

It must be prevented.

Why?

Let the wretches fight it out.

War will disrupt the grain supply.

Without Egyptian grain, Rome goes hungry.

It would be... unwise not to intervene.

And how will you intervene with only half a legion?

I do not intend to fight.

I shall merely arbitrate the various factions.

You make it sound so easy.

Those various factions are united

only by their hatred of Rome.

He's right.

Ptolemy might use you

to rouse the people against a common enemy.

I have conquered Gaul.

I have defeated Pompey Magnus.

I think I can handle a small boy and a eunuch.

A small boy with 100,000 men.

I am aware of that!

He's still a boy, nonetheless.

You seem to forget that our war is not over yet.

Cato and Scipio are still at large.

Given time, they will raise another army.

And when they do I shall crush them.

I'm glad you're so confident. Some would call it hubris.

It's only hubris if I fail.

Remember, she is a princess of ancient blood.

When you find her,

you will treat her with the utmost respect.

You must obey her in all things, within reason.

Understood, sir.

I'm counting on you, Vorenus.

You have something to say?

Regarding Pompey Magnus, sir, I wish to apologize.

It was my actions that brought him here,

to this end.

- If I had done my duty... - Indeed.

Dismissed.

Pompey's murderer.

Alas, he has run away.

Find him.

In the meantime...

these instruments tabulate the money that was borrowed

by His Majesty's illustrious father, Ptolemy XII.

In the name of the Republic, I have come to collect.

Seventeen thousand thousand drachma.

Seventeen?

Sir!

Four, perhaps.

The tabulation includes all monies borrowed from Pompey

and other agents of the Republic now unable to collect.

That is not just!

Post-mortem interests of this type

are legally entailed to the presiding consul,

i.e. Gaius Julius Caesar.

- It's law. - Roman law.

Is there some other form of law... you wretched woman?

One thousand apologies. Forgive us.

There!

- There's for your payment. - (CHUCKLES) So sorry...

His Majesty forgets he is a vassal to Rome.

Vassal?

Vassal? I am no vassal!

- I am king! I am... - (YELLING) Sit down!

Thank you.

When can I expect payment?

Your honor,

we have little enough ready coin for our own needs.

Our tax farmers have not been

working as they should because...

Because?

Cleopatra's foolishness has stirred unrest in some parts.

Nothing serious.

Well, I do not wish to appear unreasonable.

I will accept ten thousand thousand drachma.

Even that amount will take many days to collect.

In that case, I shall have ample time to adjudicate

your dispute with Princess Cleopatra.

Excellent notion.

But alas, who knows where Princess Cleopatra is?

Oh, do not worry about that.

I shall find her.

Blood and fire!

It's as hot as Vulcan's dick!

What a dump.

Gyppo gods must be right wasters to make a place like this.

Don't speak ill of the gods in their own country.

Gerrae. I've seen their gods.

Titus Pullo isn't scared of any bastard

with a dog's head on him.

More fool you. These gods are old and powerful.

Egypt was a great nation long before Rome.

Was it?

Mumped it up now, then, haven't they?

Why are we here, anyhow?

- Waiting. - Yeah, I know we're waiting,

but for who?

I'll know when I see them.

Be like that.

"Vassal," he says!

Barbarian scum!

It's simple extortion.

If we do not pay him,

he will put Cleopatra on the throne.

If...