Small Town, Big Story

‫"Your children are not your children"

‫"They are the sons and the daughters ‫of life's longing for itself"

‫"The come through you ‫but not from you"

‫"And though they are with you ‫they belong not to you"

‫"You can give them your love ‫but not your thoughts"

‫"They have their own thoughts"

‫"They have their own thoughts"

‫"You can house their bodies ‫but not their souls"

‫"For their souls dwell ‫in a place of tomorrow"

‫"which you cannot visit ‫not even in your dreams"

‫"You can strive to be like them ‫but you cannot make them just like you"

‫"Strive to be like them ‫but you cannot make them just like you"

‫"You can give them your love ‫but not your thoughts"

‫- Shut up, fuck. ‫- "They have their own thoughts"

‫"They have their own thoughts"

‫"You can house their bodies ‫but not their souls"

‫"For their souls dwell ‫in a place of tomorrow"

‫"which you cannot visit ‫not even in your dreams"

‫"You can thrive to be like them ‫but you cannot make them just like you"

‫- Hi. Thanks. ‫- Hey, Wendy.

‫An dobhar chu is no dog...

‫He is of An Dagda ‫and I am the Dgda.

‫Ungate an Donhar Chu!

‫He has just dug his way ‫from Dungarvan!

‫- Thanks. ‫- And this afternoon?

‫70% chance of drizzle.

‫Consistent. Good. ‫We could use an easy first week.

‫Maybe a bit of wind.

‫- Can I ask you something? ‫- You have been.

‫This morning's our first shot. ‫Which is kind of a big deal.

‫Is it customary for the lead producer ‫to give a speech?

‫A speech?

‫Well, not a speech, per se. ‫More of a welcoming message.

‫A bit of a failte ‫if you know what I mean?

‫I really don't ‫but I look forward to it.

‫- Excuse me. ‫- Which one's his trailer?

‫- Opposite the honey wagon. ‫- Delightful.

‫Hold your horses! ‫Me lad's half out.

‫Shit! I'm sorry! Shit! Shit! ‫I thought you said he was expecting me.

‫Well, I presumed you'd still knock.

‫- What did you say your name was? ‫- I don't think I did.

‫Oh, I'm so sorry about that. ‫I almost had your eye out.

‫It's okay. It's totally my fault. ‫Our fault. Totally.

‫I know we've spoken on the phone.

‫I just wanted to say hello ‫and good luck in person.

‫It's all good, boss.

‫I'm just delighted to be here.

‫You know, it's such a privilege to be able ‫to tell the story of my people.

‫They're asking for you at production ‫Misses Patterson.

‫Well, we couldn't be happier ‫to have you on board, James.

‫Big Jim's fine, actually. ‫That's what folk call me.

‫Fits me well, no?

‫Okay. Big Jim it is.

‫They're saying a production truck got into ‫a minor scuffle with a country lane.

‫Yeah.

‫Well, we can catch up properly later.

‫I think they're setting ‫a cast dinner for this week

‫just looking for a decent restaurant.

‫Well, I love to eat out.

‫- Big Bush apparently... ‫- Okay, could you...

‫Anyway, have a great first day. ‫Break legs and shit.

‫- And if you need anything... ‫- I'll ring your bell.

‫- No bother. ‫- Don't worry. He's pulled out.

‫I'll ring your bell?

‫You fucking stupid fake.

‫- "Happy birthday to you" ‫- "Happy birthday to you"

‫- "Happy birthday to you"

‫- Is it homemade? ‫- "Happy birthday..."

‫"would you fuck off?"

‫- "Happy birthday to you" ‫- "Happy birthday to you"

‫- Happy becoming an adult day, Jojo. ‫- No singing for you this morning?

‫That was my gift.

‫Guys, we could have waited till later. ‫My shift starts in 20.

‫Come on, blow out your ‫candles so we know you're still single.

‫Christ, how many frogs ‫does a girl have to kiss?

‫It won't stop me trying.

‫Oh, come here.

‫18 years old. ‫It's not possible.

‫If you weren't in a hurry ‫I'd cut you in half and count your rings.

‫Actually, when are they ‫starting filming here?

‫- Today. ‫- Oh, so...

‫I presume they're not commandeering ‫our place to house the crew then?

‫In their hold, they are.

‫I told them about my circumstances.

‫Then I didn't hear another peep.

‫Nice to be able to use your chair ‫as a crutch sometimes.

‫It is actually, Sonny.

‫Hold on a minute ‫how can they start filming today

‫when they haven't told you ‫whether you got that wee part or not?

‫- Like that isn't a good sign. ‫- Those scenes don't film for ages.

‫I do have my second call back later, though.

‫Yeah, but we're still doing the proper ‫surprise cake and the balloons

‫and all that shit at the White Ridge.

‫I wouldn't miss it for the world, daddy.

‫Right. Keith McCurdle makes us sing ‫his favorite Celine Dion song

‫when we're late for work and honestly ‫not today, Jesus.

‫Hey, I'll see you later on, love ‫after my Folk Group, right?

‫- With a slightly bigger cake. ‫- Aye.

‫- Later, skaters. ‫- Later.

‫- Morning. ‫- Okay, pick it up.

‫Oh, there she is, aye.

‫Thank you.

‫- Hello! ‫- Hello.

‫- Hello. ‫- Good morning, Fermanagh!

‫- Sorry. ‫- Really quiet.

‫It felt wrong to not mark ‫this auspicious day with a few words.

‫- Why, though? ‫- Americans love giving speeches.

‫Stops them having to listen ‫to anybody else.

‫I don't think this is... ‫Can we...

‫It's important that you know ‫I grew up not far from here.

‫I recognize a few old friendly faces ‫here and there.

‫Is that Colin Buckley?

‫- Colm. ‫- I'm sorry, what is that?

‫- Colm. ‫- One more time, Colin.

‫Colm Buckley. ‫The name's Colm Buckley.

‫- Oh, Colm, like Gollum. ‫- If you like.

‫- Well, it is great to see you again, Colin. ‫- Take it easy, will you?

‫- I'm Dermot. ‫- Excuse me?

‫I'm Dermot Buckley ‫my older brother's Colm.

‫- Oh, Jesus Christ, Gollum. ‫- Never met a Colin Buckley, though.

‫And there's Barbara the baker.

‫- I'm a butcher, actually. ‫- Right.

‫- The butcher. ‫- Got there eventually.

‫Barbara the butcher.

‫Okay. ‫Well, to wrap things up, then...

‫break legs, everyone!

‫I imagine in your game ‫you deal with plenty of pig's heads

‫don't you, Barbara?

‫I do prefer the entire creature ‫to be used, yes.

‫Because it would be awful...

‫to see the head of a local animal ‫used as a grotesque prop

‫in order to gain foreign investment.

‫But... I have no position ‫to say anything but Brexit.

‫I'm sorry, what's that?

‫Because I saw you make movements ‫with your little mouth

‫but all I heard was wind.

‫Barbara said she can't guarantee ‫every pig is local

‫due to current ‫food safety legislation.

‫But I suppose we could do a 23 and Me ‫if you have a swab with you.

‫And the head of the pig in question ‫of course.

‫- That what you said? ‫- Aye.

‫I'm pleased we ended up ‫in Drummond.

‫And while you and the rest of your committee ‫here are welcome to visit our set...

‫there will be zero tolerance for anyone ‫who compromises the professional standards

‫upon which we've built ‫this studio's good name.

‫Be they butcher, doctor ‫or fucking candlestick maker.

‫No, we get the gist, I think.

‫- Abandon ship! ‫- It's set, you moron!

‫Abandon set!

‫- Hello, Wendy. ‫- Dad, Christ!

‫Not quite.

‫I can't stay long.

‫I just want to see what is causing our lovely ‫quiet road to turn into a car park.

‫- And to see you, of course. ‫- Well, here I am.

‫Nothing to worry about folks ‫just because the earth is wet

‫there's a small chance ‫that we're all going to get electrocuted.

‫So we're just asking people ‫to move to higher ground. Okay.

‫- Are you still on the same phone? ‫- Yes, I am, and I just found the charger.

‫Well, shall we aim ‫to meet up later, maybe?

‫- Do you swear now? ‫- Pinky bloody promise.

‫A few holes of golf ‫will do you the world of good.

‫You can't be staying here!

‫You can't, you can't park here ‫you're blocking everything!

‫Joanne, will you work this afternoon, eh? ‫It's like Gallipoli out there.

‫I didn't want to make a big deal about it, but ‫it's actually my 18th birthday today, so...

‫- I've got plans. ‫- Okay, I'll have you out of here by four

‫but I need to man the forecourt.

‫They're sucking on the free air machine ‫like it's a commune.

‫All right. I'll move some things around ‫and I'll be back after lunch, okay?

‫- You're a star. ‫- Just chill out, Keith.

‫- Don't touch that! ‫- Right, and any snacks or drinks?

‫No car wash service, no?

‫We don't, I'm afraid ‫but the rain is competitively priced.

‫Stick a Twirl on it, will you?

‫"Hey, that's not an all you can eat buffet. ‫Have some respect!"

‫- Sorry... ‫- Happy birthday.

‫"Leve me alone!"

‫"You're going to have to back up ‫then you'll be able to come in."

‫She's on to us, Seamie ‫no doubt about it.

‫- You could smell the knowledge off her. ‫- Did she seem angry?

‫What, has she accused Barbara the Butcher ‫of farting out of her own mouth?

‫- What? ‫- "Is the doctor here yet, Barry?"

‫- She'll forget in a sec. ‫- What?

‫That she's old and sick.

‫Look, did Wendy happen to mention ‫my name at all?

‫Oh, she knows you're the brains ‫of the operation, no doubt.

‫Why do you think that? ‫Look, what did she say exactly?

‫She knows. ‫Of course she knows.

‫She's wily. ‫Women like that, they always just know.

‫You should have seen ‫the boots and jacket set on her.

‫Pure class, the cow.

‫Maybe we should just disband the committee ‫to bring filming to Drumban.

‫It feels like it's served its purpose ‫given they're actually filming here now.

‫Are you mad?

‫We're way past the point of jumping ship, pal. ‫We're in too deep for that.

‫Disband the committee?

‫It's like Al Capone saying ‫let's give up the crime-ringing lads

‫and set up a chain of nice florists.

‫Everyone will forget the murders in town.

‫I've always wanted a florist.