Letterkenny

Allegedlys.

Absolutely all activities,

acts and Ag Hall antics.

- Businesses... - Bustles, bar nights,

bits, buck'n does. - Chores.

Campaigns, chronicles, contracts and commitments...

- Dirty dangles. - Donnybrooks.

Deeds, duties, doings and dealings...

- Eventually... - End.

Fuckin embarrassing.

Ah, for fuck's sake, friends.

Give your balls a tug.

Get glad, go grin, gather glee.

- How'r ya now? - Have happiness.

Hoots and hollers. Hearty he-he's

and howling ha-ha's. Have a hernia, heck!

Initially idiotic and infinitely immature.

It's interprovincial, international

and interconnecting. Influential and impactful indeed.

Infamously intelligent, isn't it?

- Jacked. - Judgements are justified,

but joy is juicier. Jostle your jollies.

- K. - Kindly rekindle kinships

and kiss kittens 'cause it's kooky,

kind-hearted and a little bit kinky.

- Letterkenny. - Legen-dary.

- McMurray. - Mrs. McMurray.

- Neighbours. - Nut tuggers and no necks,

nut sacks. Nicotine and nose bleeds, numb nuts.

No needless negativity or unnecessary noise up north.

- Ostrich. - Obsessively observant

and outwardly obscene. Organized and original.

Outlandish and unorthodox.

Occasionally offensive to opposition.

Overprotective.

- Pitter-patter. - We're pertnear perfectly

patient and proper particular,

but if you poke and prod, we'll pop.

- Queer? - Questionable.

- Really? - Roald!

Skoden. : Stoodis.

- Today. - Turn off Twitter

and take the time to treasure town.

- Understood? - We're unkempt and undercooked,

but not uppity or untoward. United unconditionally.

- Virtuous. - We're violent and venomous,

but not vultures or vagrants. Got values. Got vertebrae.

Wayne!

We will whip your whatchamacallit.

But well, we'd rather work

wordlessly in worthy weather without wrath.

We're well-wishers. Wise-cracking's how we're wired,

but warmth and widespread wealth is the way.

Whether you're weird... - Wondrous!

...wayward or witless, you're welcome.

- Exactly. - Ekspecialleh.

After a zillion zippy,

zany zingers, we're zapped.

Got zilch, zero, zipola,

so now we... - Zip it.

Like, when I die, I want my future husband

to snort my ashes off his new girlfriend's tits.

Right?

So I can go out of this world like I came into it:

In a weird threesome.

I feel like the only time we come home to visit anymore

is for funerals and weddings.

I'm in my thirties now, so everyone keeps asking

when I'm gonna get married, and it's like,

when I stop getting broken up with.

You guys know this,

my cousin got married, she called me a month later,

she was like, "I'm getting a divorce." I was like,

"I haven't even had my next period yet."

Bro, I wanna smash my old billet sister so bad.

Bro, I wanted to smash my old billet sister so bad

when she was my actual billet sister, but now,

I want to smash my old billet sister super bad.

Funny girls are the best, buddy.

I know, buddy. It's 'cause they're fun to be around even

when you're not smashing. - 'Cause they're funny?

Yeah, 'cause they're funny, they're fun to be around

even when you're not smashing. - Let's take a run

at our billet sisters, bro. - Let's take a run

at our billet sisters, buddy.

: Na-nah!

Are you glad to be homes

from your vacations to Mexicos, Ms. Katys?

It's always good to be home.

Well, I can see you never wore your sunblock.

Well, neither did this guy.

'Sup, Squirrelly tan?

So what was your favourite part?

Oh, doozy of a question, Dary.

The sun, the beaches, the ocean,

the cervezas, siestas, and the margaritas.

It was all like one big, beautiful dream.

I've kinda been thinking about it a lot since I left.

Well, you better wear your sun block

or your skin will look like an old saddle bag.

- Alex. - Olive.

- Ry-guy. - Jo-Jo.

Isn't it crazy that we lived in the same house

for so long and never, like... succumbed to it.

Succumbed to it?

Yeah, I think it was pretty nutty

we lived in the same house for so long and never, like...

surrendered to it.

- To what? - To like...

Never mind.

Are you guys trying to smash your billet sisters?

I'm trying to smash my billet sister, yes.

Yeah, we talked back there

and both decided we'd both try

to smash our billet sisters.

First of all, no!

But second, I'm curious,

we lived in the same house and you never took a run at us.

Why now? - We weren't as cock sure

at that time of our lives, boys.

But I'll have you know, I was in my bedroom

across the hall wailing on it to you two to four times a day.

Yeah, I wouldn't want you to worry about that.

I was hammering on it to you three to five times a day,

in the bedroom next to yours.

- Three to five? - Two to four?

Yeah, but I was only wailin' on it to you

2-4 times a day because I was wailin' on it to my billet mom,

your real mom, 1-2 times a day.

Yeah, in addition to hammering on it to you

3-5 times a day I was also hammering on it to my billet mom,

your real mom, 1-2 times a day,

and often an additional 1-2 times a day

to Jonesy's billet mom which is--

- My real mom. - Yes.

Thank you.

Watching those gals do the stand-up comedys

reminds me when I did my observational humours

at the talent shows ways backs whens.

That sure was observational, Dan.

Observational... humour.

Some say the observationalist.

Not such a fond memory for you eh, Dary?

Let's hear it for Daryl.

- Oh, it wasn't that bad. - Was too.

- But was it? - Can confirm.

Yeah, no, it was bad.

Some say the baddest.

So... what's say we finally... succumb?

- Ugh. - Dog shit line, Ry-guy.

- Huh? - At least be funny.

- When? - Always, preferably.

- We're funny. - Unintentionally.

What's so good about funny guys?

They're still fun to be around

even when you're not smashing.

: They're just like us.

You know, I think I might takes my observational humours outs for another spin.

- Might what? - The fuck are you doing?

Dan's gonna try stand-up comedy.

Girls love guys who are funny.

- Apparently. - The fuck are you doing?

We could do stand-up comedy, buddy.

- No, you couldn't. - We'd be good at it, buddy.

- No, you wouldn't. - Then, our billet sisters

would think we're funny.

And then, we'll get to smash them.

Boys, stand-up comedy doesn't look easy.

Neither do our billet sisters, but that's not gonna stop us.

- You should try it. - Why don't you try it?

Because I'd rather be a master of one trade than a jack of all.

- I'd rather jack off all. - What are you a master of?

Bating. : Heyo!

Every comedian needs an audience.

And every audience needs a heckler.

- We should all gives it a trys. - Hard no.

Ah, come on, good buddys. You likes chattings with people

at the grocery store and the banks and whatnots.

Youse could be a crowd works comics.

- Hmm. - Do it.

And Ms. Katys, you likes to say that skids are--

- Greasy. - And that hockey players--

Would grab a monkey by the tit if they could.

Youse could be a roast comics.

Do it!

- What about me? - No.

- Huh? - Nope!

- Why? - Talent show.

Dary, besides from the time

I seen you singing Beyonce in the car wash,

you're not much of a performer. - You get the yips, bud.

But I make people laugh all the time.

- Unintentionally. - Don't worry, buddy.

I'm told we do that too.

Dary, comedians have to be cool.

And now I'm not cool?

Well, now, don't everybody answer all at once.

And you know what, Dary, even by your standards,

those barn clothes are particularly ripe "todee".

A wee bit spicy, bud.