Ed

Previously on Ed... This is a bit new for me.

Really?

Which part would that be?

The part where I sleep with my boss.

Ed and I can smell this coming a mile away.

You haven't told him yet, have you?

No.

Is she your cousin or your sister or something?

Is that what's going to upset my date?

I have to admit, I was wrong about Dennis Martino.

French toast for you.

Thank you.

And a lumberjack breakfast for you.

Thank you.

I love a girl that orders a lumberjack.

What can I say?

I'm a sucker for variety.

So what does Dennis like for breakfast?

Ed.

I'm just curious.

Is he an omic guy, ex-Benedict, Golden Grahams?

I wouldn't know.

Are you trying to tell me you don't know what your boyfriend likes for breakfast?

Dennis Martino is not my boyfriend.

Carol, I'm a perceptive guy.

I see things.

I hear things.

You also taste, touch and smell things.

You've got all five senses.

Way to go.

Are you trying to tell me nothing has happened between you and Dennis?

That's right.

Drop it.

Okay, then.

Good.

My mistake.

But in a normal sort of way Like I am you and you are me

Kenneth, dear dear Kenneth, what are you doing to that zucchini?

I'm julienning it like you told me to.

No, you're chopping it.

I'm julienning it.

With all due respect, Kenny... I'm julienning the son of a bitch.

Here, let me show you.

You hold and then you slice.

You hold and then you slice.

It would be so incredibly wise of you to stop touching me right now.

Hey, guys.

What's cooking?

I'll tell you what's cooking, Bosco.

The future of this town.

We're inventing a food.

The year, 1964.

The place, the anchor bar, Buffalo, New York.

The owner of that bar, Teresa Bellissimo Douses a batch

of deep fried crispy chicken wings with savory hot sauce.

And thus, a legend is born.

Buffalo wings?

Yes.

And what the Buffalo wing did for Buffalo

Kenneth and I are going to do for Stuckeyville.

Is that right?

All right, what do you got?

Strawberry tall cake.

You should have told him.

I didn't really mean to lie to Ed.

It just sort of slipped out.

You're not going to tell him, are you?

Look, whatever happened between me and Dennis

has been over for weeks now, so why tell Ed?

You know what?

You have a point.

I mean, maybe it's just best to pretend it never happened.

Oh, I wish it never happened.

Molly, whatever you do, wherever life takes you, follow this simple advice.

Don't date the boss.

I'm still making my way through the student's job, right?

Yeah, I'm kidding.

I don't understand the Outback Steakhouse.

What?

I don't get the concept.

What does steak have to do with Australia?

Nothing.

It's like you have the Greenland Spaghetti House.

Honey, I really wouldn't let it bother you.

I can't help it.

That's my man of logic.

Listen up!

Listen up!

Hey, Mr. Fizzuti!

Hi everybody.

Listen, I'm turning 50 this Sunday, and I want everybody to enjoy your next

round, courtesy of me, Mr. Ralph Fizzuti III.

How's that sound?

That's nice of him.

Mr. Fizzuti is the greatest.

I thought you worked for his fish store somewhere after freshman year.

I spent most of my time deveining shrimp.

It's good, sister.

Hey, Mr. Fizzuti.

Why don't you guys come join us?

My pleasure.

You guys know my wife, Kay?

Hi, Carol.

Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

So, 50, huh?

Yes, sir.

I walked this planet for half a century.

Walked?

You sat on your ass for half a century.

Guilty as charged, I do love sitting on my ass.

Here, here.

So, what are you going to do to celebrate?

Oh, Lord.

Kay's getting tired of me talking about my birthday plans.

Why?

What are they?

Okay, Ed, here's the thing.

I'm turning 50.

Big birthday, right?

Yeah.

So, I deserve something good.

Sure.

Well, what I want is one thing.

I want two days of freedom.

Freedom?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

48 hours to do whatever I want.

No restrictions.

I can eat whatever I want.

I can drink whatever I want.

And I can smoke whatever I want.

And he can sleep with whatever he wants.

Well, should I so choose to exercise my freedom in that particular direction?

Yes.

Mr. Pizzuti?

She's judging me.

You're judging me.

Well, how could I...

Mrs. Burton, I have been a model husband to Kay for over 25 years.

I treat her great.

I work hard.

I put the kids through college.

And I have been utterly and completely faithful for 25 years.

All I ask in return is two days.

You're with me, right?

Yeah.

Oh, yes.

Well, you're embarrassing yourself here.

No, these people are not puritans.

They know the reality of the world.

Which is what?

Guys love sexy ladies.

They can't get enough of them.

It's got nothing to do with how they feel about their wives.

Right, Mike?

Yeah, I'm gonna play the fifth on that, Mr. Pizzuti.

Ed?

What about me?

It's like a steak, right?

A steak.

Yeah.

If I eat a steak and I enjoy the steak, does that mean I'm in love with the steak?

No.

Does that mean that Kay should be jealous of the steak?

Of course not, right?

Come on.

He's a jackass.

Hey, speaking of steak, Mr. Pizzuti, what do you think of the Outback Steakhouse?

Pretty good.

I once had three orders of the Bloomin' Onion in one sitting.

I repeat, jackass.

But you'll love me anyway.

Hey.

Whoa.

Sam.

What's with the outfit?

I got a trig test today.

I figured I'd try dressing for success.

You look like Mr. Belvedere.

I'll take that.

Hey, guys.

Hey, Jessica.

So what's the deal?

You taking her out or not?

Yeah, I'm taking her out.

She said she'd go out with me.

You really think she meant it?

What, you don't think so?

Two takes, Snyder.

You think Jessica's actually gonna go out with this mongoose?

I believe she might.

No small things to me.

You have to ask her first.

What?

No.

She already said she'd go out with me.

Uh, she said she'd go out with you sometime.

You didn't set a date.