Ted Lasso

I don't wanna ride back with you guys. Rather go shake this off.

Yeah, sure. No, of course.

Hey. Hey, hey. Just-- Be careful out there, all right?

Yeah? Okay. And don't forget,

tomorrow it's your turn for coffee at the game film, all right?

-Yeah. -Bright and early.

Hey, Coach. Bird by bird.

Not that kind of bird.

Blue moon You saw me standing alone

Without a dream in my heart

Without a love of my own

Mind the gap.

This is the southbound metropolitan line train to Aldgate.

Doors closing. Stand clear of the doors, please.

It was moment after moment like this.

A real David versus Goliath match,

but where Goliath just curb-stomped David in the back of the skull

like in that Ed Norton movie.

Moonrise Kingdom?

I think that's it, yeah.

Yeah. Well, for me, the match was a real Cinderella story.

If her glass slipper broke and sliced her Achilles tendon.

Thierry, was this just an off day for the players?

Or do we lay the blame on the coaching staff?

100% coaching staff.

Those are good footballers.

It just felt like Richmond had no plan.

-And what about Coach Beard? -What about him, indeed.

Coach Beard knew an aggressive offensive strategy was a mistake.

He should not have let Ted, Nathan and Roy convince him otherwise.

Great point, Thierry. Coach Beard is Ted Lasso's number two.

He's supposed to challenge him, not just be a sniveling lackey.

Look, Gary, the man has no va-va-voom.

Does anything say "sad, single man" more than a chessboard coffee table?

I know I'm French and expected to say things like this,

but I hate Coach Beard.

Shut up, Thierry Henry.

After Richard Montlaur earned himself a red card,

things went from bad to worse.

Ted joining you?

No.

-Jane coming? -We broke up.

Shocking.

She accused me of being jealous. Me.

Because I told her it's hard to know where I stand,

which it is, because she never says "I love you."

-Did you say it to her? -I did.

-And she didn't say it back. -She did not.

Thank you for helping me relive that.

Well, you must feel awful.

Reason is powerless in the expression of love.

Nuh-uh. I meant about the match.

What the hell was your thinking behind those tactics?

-Mae. -All right. Enjoy your beer.

But come on.

There's no way you thought coming out on the attack was a good idea.

You basically left Zoreaux back there to defend by himself.

In a semifinal…

A semifinal!

Oi, Beard. Dropped your keys.

Thanks.

-Rough match, mate. -We thought you needed a hug.

-I thought you needed a hug. -Do you wanna talk about it?

We can talk and drink

as long as we talk about anything but the game and drink.

-Have you ever been to Vegas? -What's Ted like behind closed doors?

How do you cope knowing the universe is infinite

but your consciousness can end in a second?

I've been to Vegas many times.

One night is good, two nights is perfect, three is too many.

Ted is a man. Just a man.

And as for the fragility of life, I'm so glad someone finally asked.

Because, yeah, I got a few thoughts.

And so, in conclusion,

if this is all indeed a simulation,

which everything in my experience suggests that it is,

then all we can do is tip our caps to the rascal pulling the strings.

That's it, people.

Just like my legs after a date with a guy who kept correcting me,

we're closed.

You went on a date with Richard?

I think you'll find, Mae, it was two dates.

Out.

Coffee was a date.

Where to next?

Bed. This is England, mate. Pubs shut at 11:30.

Well, I'm not ready for the night to end. Any ideas?

What about Bones & Honey?

As if.

Private club, very swanky, impossible to get in.

Yeah, I heard they once turned away Cher.

Would you believe They did such a thing?

Well…

Why don't we just head over there and see what happens?

I think there's a dress code.

Mae, I love you!

Taxi!

-Welcome back, darling. -Thank you.

Good evening.

Do we know each other?

I don't think we do, sir. May I see your membership card?

University of Barcelona, class of 2004?

I went to Warwick, 2007.

Sorry, you looked older.

Are you a member here?

Here? No. God, no. Never.

Well, if you're not a member, I'm afraid you can't come in.

This is Bones & Honey.

You are very rude.

What is your name?

My name is Sarah Coombes. What is your name?

None of my business.

Bones & Honey, may I help you?

Do you mind?

Speak.

Hello, this is the fire brigade.

It's very important that we get in touch with--

-Sarah Coombes. -Sarah Coombes.

That's you.

Well, I'm very sorry, madam, but your flat is on fire.

You need to come down here immediately.

-Now what? -Act cool.

Orion's Belt!

Amazing.

We're walking. We're walking.

You did it.

You did what Cher couldn't do.

I actually feel bad for Sarah Coombes.

Nah. Think how excited she'll be

when she realizes that her place didn't actually burn down.

Tomorrow will be the most beautiful day of Sarah Coombes's life.

Her apartment will look more amazing to her

than any place any of us have ever lived.

Here we go.

Okay, gentlemen, plan of attack.

What's wrong?

I don't think we belong here.

Knock that shit off.

We belong.

If you could be anywhere, where would you wanna be?

Here, right?

Then act like it.

Now who wants an overpriced beer?

Who wants an overpriced beer that I'm paying for?

Find us a spot.

And feel free to strut.

What can I get you, sir?

-Four beers, please. -Would you like them in glass, sir?

No.

Relax, fella. It's just angles.

Maybe if you'd paid attention in trig, you'd do better.

Shall we have a friendly wager on this shot?

Say, 20 quid?

Hold on.

What's trig?

Trigonometry.

Maths. Yeah?

-Yeah. Yeah. -Yeah.

Sorry, but where did you guys study?

There you are, lads. Ha. Thought I'd lost you.

Then where would I be? Sad and alone.

Evening, gents.

I see you've met my protégés.

I'm Professor Declan Patrick Aloysius MacManus.

At your service. I assure you, the pleasure is mine.

But, I must tell you, these lads here were the best of the best at Oxford itself.

And now, we're just having a wee liquid reunion, aren't we?

-Oxford? -Yeah, what were you professor of?

Economics and management, till I retired.

At Oxford.

That is correct.

We were at Oxford.

Christ Church.

Which college were you?

Christ Church?

Our main rivals.

I'm a Merton man, myself.

Merton.

Where'd you live?

Right across from the chapel.

Nothing like waking up every morning to the sound of the Dobson Organ at 8:15,

am I right?

You Merton motherfucker.

How are you, sir? When did you leave?

2015. The year we beat Cambridge in the boat race

by six and a half lengths, lest we forget.

I was on that crew. I was the cox.

Yes, you were, you bastard.

Harry Gill is here! Harry Gill, in this pub!

Hey!

Marvelous. Marvelous.

Professor McGonagall taught us a lot.

But the main thing he taught us was the value of money.

£20. You're on.

I got it. I got it.

I've got five.

Save one for a kebab.

Eccentric geniuses.

Right.

17, 18, 19, 20.