Ghosts

How're we hanging?

Oh, hey. Hey, what's up?

Is that Pete? Is Pete back?

Is that Pete? No, Jay.

It's just Thor. (Groans)

Just? Thor not love that.

Jay's a little anxious. He's waiting on some big news.

Last week, a critic from the Hudson Valley Gazette

came to review the restaurant.

A couple of us ghosts sussed it out

when we overheard him talking on his cell phone

in the parking lot when he was leaving.

Anyway, we sent Pete to theGazette offices

to spy on the reviewer and find out in advance

if it's a good review or a bad review.

You know, I don't even care. Reviews aren't important.

What matters is whether or not I'm proud of the food.

: Which I am.

So I think we just tell Pete to call this whole thing off.

Hey, gang. Hey! Pete's back.

What did he say? Did he like it?

Am I ruined? Am I a star?

Babe, come on here, I'm drowning.

He hasn't said anything yet.

Well, let the man speak. Geez!

Okay, I'll get right to it. It's a rave!

The critic loved Jay's restaurant.

He loved it, babe.

Oh, what a relief.

This is huge!

Man, it feels good to spread joy.

This must be what Johnny Appleseed felt like.

You get an apple tree. You get an apple tree.

You get an apple tree!

Where is this going, Pete?

I don't know. Sometimes it just feels good to make noise.

That was pretty fun.

See? He gets it.

Who's this guy?

That's Chris, the dinosaur-loving stripper

that Sam previously hired to dance in front of an empty chair

at Isaac's bachelor party.

No, I know. I meant this guy.

I'm Isaac.

Oh, right on. Cool pants.

Excited to be back, Sam.

Now, will I be performing for an empty chair while you watch again?

That wasn't for me. That was...

Well, you see, the reason...

There's really no good explanation.

You'll be performing for a bachelorette party full of living humans.

I mean, people. Smooth.

Well, then let's talk price tiers.

There's the simple "here's your pizza, extra sausage" package.

That sounds pretty good.

Then you've got your "fireman with a hose," your "plumber with a pipe,"

and then the big boy,

our premium package known as "It's Raining Men."

Yes, please. Samantha.

Can you request that he reprise his erotic Dilophosaurus clicking routine?

That's a crowd-pleaser.

Uh-uh, this is not your party.

This is my great-grandniece's bachelorette party,

and she's not into dinosaurs 'cause she's an adult.

So just back off. Oh, perfect timing.

Here comes the bride-to-be.

Alicia, this is Chris.

We're discussing his package.

Chris, great to meet you. Sorry.

I don't want to be rude, but it's bad luck

for the bride to see the stripper

before the bachelorette party.

Oh, that's not true. Carol saw her stripper

before the... Oh, my God.

Oh, uh, sorry, I wasn't aware of that particular tradition.

Oh.

Yeah, at least I have my pants on.

Otherwise, the whole weekend would be cursed.

Uh, Alicia, I will see you tomorrow night.

And who knows, it may just be raining men.

Hallelujah.

Thank you.

So, are you excited for the big weekend?

Very. There's a rumor CCR's gonna do a secret set.

I am.

Oh, it's so amazing to be here.

And I know it sounds woo-woo, but...

I really can feel Alberta's presence.

I'm right here, sweetie.

Ask about the guy, Sam.

Tell me about your fiancé. His name's Derrick?

Yeah. He's pretty great. We actually met on the subway.

And it's really weird 'cause the night before,

I had a dream I was gonna meet someone on the subway.

And there he was.

He stood up to give me his seat.

He sounds like a gentleman.

Oh, he goes to church. He's nice to his mom.

Oh, loving all of this.

Tell me, what does he do for work?

He's a musician.

Mm-mm. Hell no.

Like, professionally? Yeah.

He's a guitarist.

Tell her to walk away, Sam!

Being with a musician is signing up for a lifetime of heartache.

I'm very happy for you.

I can confirm, musicians are no bueno.

Speaking as an oboist.

The bad boys of the woodwind section.

Two reeds, twice the trouble.

You see anything?

Give me a sec. Very dangerous.

That's how Sylvia Plath kill herself.

TV was on PBS, and Trevor not there to change it.

Looks like it's just the pilot light.

I'll take care of it.

Oh, by the way, the Hudson Valley Gazetteis

publishing a review of Mahesh.

And a little birdie told me... it's a rave.

Tweet tweet. I'm the little birdie.

Dude, that's amazing.

I say we celebrate with some mortadella.

You know that stuff's like $20 a pound, right?

Yeah, that's why I don't have it at my house.

Not to gloat, but I may have played a hand in that review.

Or more accurately, played a finger in it.

Ugh, whatever you're talking about,

you did not need to say it like that.

Once we figured out that that guy was a critic,

I used my power to pose as an investor

and sent him a little cash-ola in exchange for a good review.

What? Why would you do that?

Because I owe Jay.

I would've lost my finance job if he hadn't pretended to be me.

But Jay wouldn't want to get a good review that way.

It's a win-win.

Jay gets what he wants, and his hands are clean.

Thor wish he would've died with clean hands,

but alas, Thor eat onion right before lightning strike.

Trevor, I think what you did was wrong and we need to tell Sam.

Okay, I will not be lectured to by a Boy Scout

like I'm some kind of sleazeball.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go spy on this bachelorette party

and see what kind of talent we're working with.

Don't.

Yeah.

To our girl, Alicia.

I would wish you the best,

but you already settled for Derrick.

So let's get drunk! (Laughter)

See?

Even they know Alicia can do way better than a musician.

Geez, what are you, the grandma in Coco?

Trust me. I know from experience.

Musicians only care about themselves and their music.

When push comes to shove, they'll leave you high and dry.

Well, I guess this is goodbye.

I'll count the minutes until I see you again.

I'll count the seconds. I love you.

And I love you.

You're my everything. My entire world.

And I can't imagine my future without you.

I never saw that man again.

Mm. I'm so sorry, Alberta.

Me, too.

But that doesn't mean that all musicians are bad.

I think what Sass is saying is that he's a virgin

and so his situation is

way worse than anything that happened with you and that guy.

That's not remotely what I was saying.

Oh, okay.

Delivery for the most beautiful girl in the world.

Ooh, Derrick! Oh, my God.

Yeah, this guy seems like he's the worst.

Oh, sweetie, they're gorgeous.

Thank you. I cannot wait to marry you.

Run, Alicia. Save yourself.

I'll go put these in some water. Go, go.

I don't want to interrupt.

Have a fun weekend, but not too much fun.

All right, the flowers are kind of nice.

Hey, you left your sweatshirt at my house.

What's this now?

Just bring it when you come over this week.

Alicia's out of town Wednesday and Thursday.

Are you down for a little night sugar?

Uh-oh.

Hold on, maybe there's an innocent explanation.

Aren't you worried Alicia's gonna find out?

We're getting pretty good at keeping it secret.

Never mind. They're hooking up. All right. Thursday then.

Thursday. (Laughs)

I knew it! Derrick's a low-down dirty dog.

Yeah, this doesn't look good.

Oh, Sass, "night sugar" probably refers to sex.

Which is like a special hug that adults share... Please stop.

They're doing it, Sam. Alicia's fiancé is having

a torrid affair with her maid of honor.

I told you musicians were no good.