Ghosts

At this moment, I must ask

if anyone here has any objections to this marriage.

Oi.

I do.

Is that...

The stripper from my bachelor party.

Yes, I believe so.

Yes, Chris, the stripper from Isaac's bachelor party,

you have a reason these two should not wed?

I've got eight reasons.

Here they are, mate.

- Is very good argument. - I'll say.

Great barrier reef!

Isaac. Isaac.

- Isaac! - What? What? Oh!

You were moaning in your sleep.

Oh. I-I was, uh... I was having a nightmare.

I was... being mauled by a koala.

How horrid.

I had a nightmare there were no biscuits for my cream tea. Oh!

Well, no matter. Happy wedding day, my love.

Oh, our wedding day. : Of course.

Huzzah!

And immediately following

- all the boring stuff... - The wedding ceremony.

I'm gonna be singing the song "At Last."

It was popularized by Etta James,

who was after my time, but a lot of people are saying I sing it better than her.

- Who saying... - A lot of people.

So, I hear you guys are a throuple now.

Some folks think throuples are more complicated,

but in my experience, they're just more of a good thing.

So, where do you guys want to sit for the wedding?

- Thor like it up front. - I prefer the back.

I like standing.

Yeah, I don't foresee any problems with this situation at all.

Hey, babe, where do you want these flowers?

Oh, Hetty, where do we want these flowers?

Oh, in the living room, please.

Uh, in the living room, Jay.

Got it.

- Actually... - Actually...

By the front desk might balance things out nicely.

Actually, Hetty wants them over here now.

I don't like this system.

She's the wedding planner, Jay.

Would love to lend a hand but, you know, ghost.

And where are we with the music person?

The... jockey of the disc.

Oh, Jay booked a DJ online.

He'll be here soon to set up his equipment.

Again, it just feels like a big waste of money.

How come I can't play music through my phone?

Because it's my wedding and my fiancé is rich.

- Groomzilla. -

- What are you doing up here? - Oh, just thinking.

I feel like I need to speak to someone

regarding matters of the heart.

Of-of course. I'm here for you.

Oh. Oh. Oh, you? Yes.

- Yes, I suppose that could work as well. - Hey, man,

I had a girlfriend. Why doesn't anyone ever remember that?

We remember. We also remember that she left you to smell roast beef.

What do you want, Isaac?

Well...

I had a dream last night.

Another in a recurring series of such dreams.

About Chris...

The Australian stripper from your bachelor party?

I am to wed Nigel today and I wake up thinking of another?

What is wrong with me?

Listen, it doesn't mean anything.

You're just having cold feet.

You and Nigel are amazing together.

Okay? You're gonna be very happy.

So just put Chris out of your head and enjoy today.

- It's your wedding. - You're right.

You're right.

I just won't give him another thought.

Thank you, Sasappis, you've been very helpful.

Which is remarkable,

considering your almost total lack of experience in these matters.

Hey, I had sex 43 times when I was alive.

Mm-hmm. And that is a very normal thing to say.

Man, this place is paradise.

And to be here with my family...

I mean, that feels better than when I got the Tomlinsons

upgraded to the presidential suite at Sandals Jamaica.

Sorry, Reagan, the room's booked!

Ah, I know you can't hear me, but it still feels rude.

Holy smoked salmon, she looks just like Loni Anderson.

That's quite the compliment, stranger.

Cream cheese and capers! You're dead?

Sad but true.

Some jerk dropped his cellphone off his ninth floor balcony.

Keep in mind, this was in '82,

so it weighed about 15 pounds.

Let me guess. Heart attack?

- That's good. -

Why haven't I seen you around here?

Well, I recently learned that I'm not geographically-bound,

so I'm on vacation with my living family,

unbeknownst to them.

Oh. So you're here with your wife?

Wha... No, no. My-my wife is dead.

I mean, I know I'm also dead, but-but... My wife is terrible.

I'm single.

Well...

Hello, single.

I'm Donna.

Man, everything looks so pretty.

You know who would love this?

My friend who would visit me in the well.

: What is she talking about?

Little secret to dating Flower... sometimes is best to just smile and nod.

Okay. Loving these insider tips, big guy.

She was always talking about butter churning

and her husband Josiah and her insatiable thirst for revenge.

- Ah, yes. - Sure.

Oh, hey, Nigel.

- Really excited for you today. - Oh, thank you.

Hey, not to drag you into our throuple politics,

but we're having a little disagreement

about where to sit or stand at your wedding.

You care to weigh in?

Well, ha, this is rather awkward,

but Isaac and I have made the difficult decision

to not invite any basement ghosts.

Hey, that's not fair.

What about Carol?

Isn't she living in the basement now?

You invited her.

I actually left the basement and moved into the shed with Baxter here.

We're very much in love.

Doesn't he sound like James Bond?

Thank you, Sasappis. I haven't thought about Chris once in the past hour.

I mean, other than in this moment.

But that was only because I was telling you

how I hadn't thought of him, which made me to think of him.

Great, man. Glad I could help.

Such sage wisdom, such an unlikely source.

You know, it wasn't just the roast beef girl.

I also sort of had a thing with Shiki.

Right, right, the 13 hellos.

Now bravely categorized as "a thing."

You are really hard to help, man.

Hey, babe, the DJ's here.

Where do you want him to set up?

Getting sweaty carrying all this equipment.

Oh, my God. That's him.

That's Chris the stripper.

Are you sure that's him?

Oh, yeah. That's definitely him.

So, Jay, Chris actually was the dancer that I hired

to dance in front of an empty chair for some reason.

That's my wife. Anyway, Chris.

- Let's check out that playlist. - Oh, yeah.

The literal man of my dreams, a sculpted dinosaur aficionado

shows up the day of my wedding.

That's not what I'd call a great sign.

This is just a weird coincidence fueled by the fact that

small town freelance strippers have to work multiple jobs to make ends meet.

I'm sure once you learn a little more

about this fellow, your crush will disappear.

Like how my crush on Fats McGinty disappeared

after I found out about him tommy-gunning all those people to death.

I also didn't like how he was rude to waitstaff.

Samantha, ask him why he was over an hour late.

That doesn't speak well of his character.

Give Isaac here something bad to latch onto.

So, uh, Chris, was there, like, a lot of traffic or something?

Oh, yeah, sorry I was late.

My boyfriend had a car trouble, had to go help him change a tire.

He's gay and chivalrous.

He's not getting worse, Hetty.

Oh, my God!

Ugh. Jay!

Really? You sure it wasn't you, babe?

Nope.

Sorry about the smell. Jay's lactose intolerant.

Not a bother, mate.

I was actually born without a sense of smell.

Oh, come on.

- It is getting eerie. What does it matter?

This guy's alive. You dead. Who cares?

It's just...

I didn't know someone like this existed.

Ooh-ee!

This is a great old-timey mansion you've got.

Did you know there were some Revolutionary War battles around here?

I'm a bit of a buff. You guys seen Hamilton?

Here we go. He's a Ham-head.

If this doesn't turn you off, I don't know what will.

Yeah, it's incredible.

If you like that sort of thing. Personally, I consider him a lesser Founding Father.

- What? - I mean, Federal Reserve?

Big whoop.

Like they weren't gonna come up with that anyway.

Eh, guy was a joke.

I need air!