Tires

We have to go in.

You fucking nuts, dude? It's terrifying in there.

What if you go in first,

and then if you run into a beast of some kind,

you scream, "Murder beast!" Then I'll know not to go in.

No, dude, I'm not going in alone. I need you.

Fucking scary as shit in there.

Will!

Will!

Fuck! All right.

Will!

Fuck.

Shane!

Hello?

Shane!

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

Hello?

- -

- You all right, lady? - Do you wanna meet him?

- -Meet who?

Your son.

He has a full scholarship already.

Fuck yeah.

So fucking sick.

No!

No!

Where'd she fucking go?

- - Oh fuck!

- - Oh my God!

Shit!

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Dude!

-Oh my God. -Fuck, are you okay?

-I was just having a nightmare. -Yeah, you were talking a lot.

Yeah?

Who is Will?

-It's my cousin. -And he's gay?

-Sometimes. Yeah. -

What's that?

Oh, that's a sign I made for a protest last week.

All right, I'm gonna… I'm gonna head out.

Okay.

Do you wanna, like, hang out later?

-Really? - Yeah.

Listen, I was having, like, a fucked-up day yesterday,

and you actually fucked that out of me, which is awesome, and I appreciate that.

-Yeah. -But, you know, we're pretty different.

How?

You're young and liberal, and I'm, like, old and I own a gun.

Okay. How old are you?

How old are you?

-I'm 28. -Sick. I'm gonna brag about that.

-Cute. I'm gonna text you. -Okay.

You text me, you're gonna fall in love, and then I'm gonna break your heart.

-Oh no, my heart? -I don't want bullshit when that happens.

-Jesus. Deal. -All right, yeah.

Yeah. Stupid. Break my heart?

- Holy shit. -Hey.

-I knew you were gonna be fucking huge. -Cara!

The entire house was shaking.

Okay, sorry. Shane, Cara. Cara, Shane.

- How was it? -We'll debrief over coffee in ten minutes.

Wait, we're out of coffee.

Uh, hey, Big Bear.

-I'm Shane. - "I'm Shane."

Would you mind grabbing us some coffee?

Okay, I'm not gonna get… I'm gonna leave.

-Oh. - Uh, it was nice to meet you.

-If it's cool with you. -All right.

-Next time, or I don't know. -Okay.

Bye, Shane.

- See ya. - Bye, Shane!

-"I'm Shane." -

-I like it. - I know.

Hey, Phil.

Where is Shane?

Uh…

I don't know. Have you tried calling him?

-What do you think? -I can tell by your tone that you have.

When I see him, I'll tell him to call you back.

- -

-Is everything okay? -No, Will, everything is not okay.

Have you guys closed one fleet account this month?

Oh, uh…

Yeah, that's what I thought. So listen, I have been working on this.

I went to City Wide Bagels today,

and they have an entire fucking fleet of bagel delivery cars,

and they are interested.

Okay, that's great. I love bagels.

Cool, Will. Who gives a shit?

Listen, Shane will go

to City Wide Bagels today,

and he will close that fucking account today.

Your only job is to make sure he does it.

-Can you handle that? -Yes, I can handle that.

Can you handle that?

-I can handle that. - Good.

- Nice, man. Gonna see her again? - I don't know.

She's got political posters in her room.

Actually, you and her… You share the politics of a 20-year-old woman.

So you're not gonna fuck her 'cause you don't like her politics?

No, I'm a guy. She could be literally a Nazi,

and I'd be like, "That's fucking nuts."

-You'd fuck a Nazi? -I'm not saying… You know what I mean.

- Oh, hey, Will. -Hey, I had sex last night.

You did?

-Yeah. -Well, congratulations!

-Yeah. -All right!

-Thanks. -There's a win.

'Cause you've been just a little bit… Recently, the… the…

-'Cause you've been down, you know-- -All right, stop.

Well, how was it?

You know, it was sex. It was pretty fucking cool.

All right. And… and… and did she…?

-What? -You know.

Did… did… did she orgasm?

Oh. No, fuck no.

Wait a second. Did… did… did you go down on her?

Yeah, a little. Not… Yeah.

That's your problem right there. It's like bare minimum is 15 minutes.

-Planning for potentially 45. -45 minutes? Who told you that?

-I read it. -You have a book about how to eat pussy?

Yeah! What's wrong with… What's wrong with that?

Bro, every day you say shit that makes me… You're giving me a headache.

Talking about pussy like that.

Dressed like a guy who sells duct tape on television.

Is this an audiobook?

-Uh, it is, but I have the hardcover! -Jesus Christ, dude.

Forget all that! Here's what we need to focus on.

Phil called earlier, and… and… and he is pissed.

He's, like, at his wit's end, wanting you to close one fleet account.

I've closed fleet accounts.

I know, but he wants you to do more. He went to City Wide Bagel.

He got them all good to go, ready to close,

and just wants you to go finish the deal.

-All right. -All right?

- I'll go. -He's serious about this.

-He's so serious. - All right.

-Okay, so am I. - All right, thank you.

He's done, like, the 15 minutes, you know, and wants you to give it a final lick.

-Oh my God, dude. -Shane, come on!

Valley Forge Auto, this is Dave.

Davey boy. Konnichiwa .

What do you want?

-What's going on with the deal? -Um…

Fuck!

We haven't really discussed it yet, actually.

What do you say we grab a dinner and talk about it?

I'm not doing that. I know where your dinners lead,

and I don't live that lifestyle anymore.

And, furthermore, Barb tracks my spending.

When we land up at a strip club, she's going to see that.

What? Strip club? No one's taking you to a strip club.

-An old-school business dinner. -No, we're not doing that.

Really? You don't wanna go to dinner with the higher-ups at TakaTaka,

make a real sweet deal,

make a bunch of cash, and look good in front of your boss?

-Hmm? -I… I can do a dinner, fine.

Maybe it should be a lunch. Something in the daytime.

You kidding me? These guys don't eat lunch until 8:30.

-You gotta do something late. 9:30, 10:00. -9:00 is too late!

Man, when did you become such a goddamn indoor cat?

I'm in sex addiction recovery. By the way, you should look into it.

Dave, stop yelling!

Speaking of strip clubs,

what was the name of that joint we used to go to with the Latin chicks?

The big tits and the unbelievable sandwiches.

-Desperados. -You remember Desperados?

I've never seen a butt plug that big.

That place was un-fucking-believable.

Yes, it was. Yes, it was, Pete.

Uh…

Man.

Yeah, it was good.

What do you say we go out to dinner?

I'm talking about you, me,

about nine Koreans, and a handful of strippers.

Sound good?

No!

What did I tell you, man? You don't even respect me.

We are no longer friends. I have not forgot how you betrayed me,

and I do not appreciate you trying to completely make me lose my momentum

in terms of my sexual re… re… re… re… Um…

Listen to me. This deal ain't gonna be around forever,

so you go back in that office

and tell fucking country club Captain Morgan

that Pete Seidel doesn't wait for anybody. Capisce?

And a sayonara.

This is gonna get fun. This is gonna get fun.

I'm fucking starving.

Botan.

Botan! What do you say we shag ass, grab some wings?

Is that what I've been smelling? What is that?

-Bulgogi. -"Bu" what?

Bulgogi.

More like bu-golden retriever.

I'm fucking with you.

You know, you saying we eat dog is like we say you fuck cousin.

We do fuck our cousins.