Ghosts

(Harlem stride piano music playing)

I didn't want it to have to be this way.

But it's either you or me.

No, don't do it!

I'm sorry,

but this town ain't big enough for the both of us.

What going on?

Sam's getting an update on the sales of our book.

Well, her book,

since the news is bad.

So what does that mean, Sharon?

Well, it means

we won't do a second printing unless things

pick up significantly.

But I have a thought to drum up some publicity.

Here comes the Playboy ask.

I think you just do it.

Honestly, while they're still asking.

You did a podcast with

Todd Pearlman, right?

No, but I did once do acid with a Todd Rundgren.

I'm sorry,

do you think you're on this Zoom?

-She's talking about Creepy Todd. Uh, yeah,

the Alberta Haynes murder pod.

It was number 93 on Spotify

on jazz-related murder pods, not to brag.

-Was that bragging? -Well, as you're probably aware,

Todd has become a huge deal in the podcast space,

and if you were able to book an appearance

on the Todd Pod, it could be a game changer.

-Dear God. -The thing is,

the last time I saw him,

we didn't exactly leave off on a great note.

Sam cod-block him when Todd try

to put moves on Alberta's descendant.

The last author he had on the Todd Pod

tripled her book sales in one month.

Interesting. Let's huddle on our end

and we'll circle back.

But, like, what if he won't put me on the pod, Sharon?

Well, then, I think perhaps we've reached

the end of the line for your book.

Okay.

I'll let you know what he says.

Thanks for hopping on.

We appreciate your time

and we look forward to next steps.

She can't hear you, woman.

We appreciate your time and we look forward to next steps!

What the hell happened to Todd?

His skin glow like belly of trout.

Oh, I'll tell you what happened to this man: money.

It is the great cure-all.

Todd, I just wanna start by apologizing.

I know we didn't leave things on the best of terms.

Please, I didn't come all the way from Altoona

to tell you that I was still mad.

It's water under the bridge.

In fact, you guys were right to call me out.

I was becoming way too obsessed with Alberta.

Mm, he's not the first and he won't be the last.

-Currently afflicted. I was spiraling.

Truth is, I hit a wall with my research.

It's so strange, there's nothing

in the historical record about Alberta Haynes prior to 1923.

I know from interviews a bit about her early years,

but there's no paper trail,

no record of her arriving in New York.

I mean, she had to live and work

in the city. What was she doing?

Who was she with?

-Where did she go? Yeah,

he seem over you.

But none of that matters now

because I've redirected that energy

and I put it all into the Todd Pod.

Well, it's paying off for you.

I mean, these guests you're getting? LeBron,

Chalamet,

that economist whose episode I also totally listened to.

Enough with the chitchat.

Inquire if that's a hair transplant,

and then get to the book.

So, like I mentioned on the phone,

I would love for you to consider having me on.

How about we grab lunch?

I need to know more about your process,

your inspiration.

I mean, sure, there's a pod in you,

but is there a Todd Pod in you?

Maybe it's the girl dad in me talking,

but I would not go to a second location alone with this man.

Um, why don't we have lunch at Jay's restaurant?

The food's amazing.

And Jay will be nearby with access to a lot of knives.

Alberta,

-you have moment? -Sure,

-what's shaking, Thor? -Earlier,

Creepy Todd bring up that he unable

to find information about you prior to certain date.

Well... (chuckles)

...that get Thor to remember something

because Thor brain good.

-Okay. -You once mention

that Alberta not your real name.

Was throwaway comment,

but Thor can't help but think that maybe two facts related.

So? What if they are?

-So, tell Thor secret. -Why?

Because Thor put together pieces

like Columbo or Steve from Blue's Clues.

Well, I ain't telling you nothing, Thor.

Then Thor will just remind other ghosts in house

that Alberta not your real name and how that line up

with what Todd say.

Don't you even think about getting everyone riled up.

I don't want everyone hounding me.

Well, then, you know what you must do.

Tell Thor everything.

Okay, fine.

The reason I changed my name is because...

...I killed a man.

And you're ashamed because...

it just one person you kill?

Just keep it to yourself, okay?

Okay, fine.

You got it... Alice?

Ah-ah-ah! I ain't telling you the real name.

You get one secret. That's all you're getting.

You have my word... Beth?

Stop.

Wow,

you had Vince Vaughn on the Todd Pod?

Great guy.

I'm actually using his decorator at my house.

Nice, you moved out of your mom's house.

No, I bought the house from her.

But now I live in my basement.

Why won't this man live above ground?

Jay, these samosas are incredible.

Am I tasting a hint of macadamia?

Actually, I fry them in macadamia nut oil.

What a palate, Todd. But let's talk

Colonial Vampire.

I am biased,

but honestly, it was my favorite book of the year.

He's only read two,

that and the unauthorized biography of Chewbacca.

Difficult childhood, but Chewbacca come out on top.

So, Sam, why was this the story you were dying to tell?

Well, uh, I like historical fiction.

The vampire thing was just sort of a gimmick

-to please the publisher. -Oh, I was actually

responding to the vampire stuff.

That's not surprising for someone who lives in a cave.

Samantha, may I talk to you for a second?

Excuse me, I'll be right back.

Wait, but-- Uh... um...

Well, speaking of books,

have you read the new Chewbacca biography?

Wookiee of the Year? Yeah, I loved it.

Hey, Bela, I'm gonna stand near you

to talk to a ghost.

-No problem. -Samantha, what is

going on over there? That man wants passion. He wants pizzazz.

I know it's hard to wow in that outfit,

but that is what the moment demands.

Wait, is that

-Todd Pearlman? Yeah.

Ugh. That creep asked me out in college.

Oh, right. You went to Penn State Altoona campus.

He was a townie who lived with his mom.

Well, now he's a wildly successful podcaster.

Whose mom lives with him.

Have you ever heard of the Todd Pod?

That's him? He must be loaded.

Is he single? I should have gone to Medieval Times

with him when I had the chance.

And that's why I named

the restaurant after my father.

-Mahesh. -That's incredible.

Every step of the way,

he fought you following your passion.

But it was his risk-taking in moving here

that inspired your own bold gamble.

That is a great way of putting that.

These two are really connecting.

It's nice when men can talk about their feelings.

Except for Gordon Lightfoot, who never shut up about them.

Sorry about that.

Now, where were we?

Oh, that's right,

a tale about bats and blood, tea and taxation.

Razzle.

Let me stop you right there.

I am gonna do my next Todd Pod here.

-Yes. -That's amazing.

But not about you or your book.

What?