Ghosts

Hey, Sass, uh, we wanted to talk to you

about Thanksgiving.

Obviously, we normally go to Jay's parents.

Yeah, but this year, they're going on a cruise.

Apparently, my mom wants to see Alaska

more than her baby boy.

- He is a 40-year-old man. - Anyway,

we just wondered how you might feel about us

doing a small Thanksgiving here?

And why are you asking me specifically?

Um...

Jay?

I don't know what's being said.

Relax. I'm just messing with you.

Well, first off, I appreciate that

you guys even thought to ask.

And, yeah, if you want to have a dinner

to express gratitude with friends and family,

like, I'm all for it.

-He says it's okay. -But I would maybe ask

that we take some time to remember the atrocities

that were committed against my people.

And that you make that marshmallow yam thing.

Sasappis, oldest friend.

Thorfinn agrees important not to gloss over difficult history.

All of which happened long after Thor's time.

So, you're just distancing yourself?

Didn't you, like, murder thousands of people?

Yes, but in Europe, so...

-clean hands. -Okay.

This is a disgraceful display,

and I, for one, am disgusted, especially as an Irish person

who was also oppressed.

You didn't even know you were Irish.

I'm pretty sure that during

the first Thanksgiving, my ancestors

were being chased out of the shtetl

by the Cossacks, so...

Pete?

I'm from the '80s. I drove a Datsun.

Look, I think the point is, you were all taught

this idyllic story about Thanksgiving,

and obviously, there's much more to it.

Right. Well said, Sasappis.

And really, all we can do now is learn and be better,

because none of us were actually there.

Well...

I-I wasn't there, either.

Baby, you're a colonizer.

I'm gay.

Is that anything?

What-what about our Puritan friend Patience?

W-Where is she?

Patience! Patience!

We need you!

Heading to Chicago for your first book signing.

This is very exciting.

I once made it as far west

as Michigan,

but I did not have the confidence in my French

to continue on to Illinois.

I'm a little nervous.

I mean, the publisher says

we still haven't gotten the sales numbers,

and what if nobody shows up to my signing?

Then it shall be both our failures.

Though far more humiliating for you,

since you'll be there and are alive and everything.

It's gonna go great, babe, and we're gonna celebrate

with Thanksgiving dinner, which you promised

you'd be back in time for and not abandon me

like my parents did.

You pay taxes, you own a home. Cut the cord, Jay.

Are you kidding?

Our first Thanksgiving together in our own home?

I wouldn't miss it for the world.

Samantha, have you reminded Jay

about turning on my sound machine while you're gone?

I know that I was born before electricity,

but now I cannot sleep

without the soothing murmurs of the rainforest.

And I need him to turn on the History Channel

tonight at 6:00 p.m.

There's an American Revolution marathon,

and dare I say, it will be the first marathon

Ben Franklin's ever been a part of.

Also, Thor need Small Man to turn on night-light.

For Flower.

Thor not at all worried about monsters under bed.

Don't worry, guys, I have given Jay

a comprehensive list of ghost tasks.

You'll be well taken care of.

Yeah, guys, don't worry, I promise to

"turn Alberta's magazine page

- every 12 minutes"? - Oh, you tell him

to double that for any Momoa-related content.

Your girl likes to savor.

Let's go, go, go. We got to get a move on, Sammy.

Oh, relax, Pete, the flight doesn't leave for three hours.

Which leaves just enough time for you to get through security,

and for me to find your pilot and make sure he's sober.

That Denzel movie? Scary accurate.

Okay, this is unacceptable.

Trevor, I asked you 15 minutes ago

to have Jay open the curtains

so that I could stare out my staring window.

He is not responding to any of our texts, Hetty.

He not even checking list.

I am hitting send on a very sternly worded warning

in which we threaten to tell Sam that he's not doing our bidding.

You see how you like this.

Ha. Okay, you can tell Sam whatever you want,

because here's what I'm telling you:

I'm not doing any of this.

He did not.

This is actually really healthy for you.

You guys have gotten spoiled

with Sam kowtowing to your every need.

Well, guess what? There's a new sheriff in town.

One that plays by his own set of rules.

I don't like this. I don't like this at all.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go upstairs

and watch whatever the hell I want on TV.

Okay.

He is diabolical.

- We need to do something. - What if we text Sam

saying the house burned down?

She'd come running back.

No, she might check in with Jay first.

Otherwise, perfect plan, no notes.

Thor think Thor have idea.

If we can't have Sam and we can't have Sam's man,

maybe we can have Man Sam.

Wait, I speak Thor.

- I think he's talking about Kyle.

-Yeah. That's what I say. -Hold on. Kyle?

The Living who can see ghosts,

who hit on Sam last time he was here?

Yeah, I don't think Jay's gonna be doing backflips

over us inviting Kyle to the house.

-Yeah, that's a good point. -Although, when you think about it,

here is the one place we know Samantha is not.

So, in a way, by having Kyle come here,

Jay should be put at ease.

-How? -Well, if Kyle is here,

then Kyle cannot be out there potentially bumping into

an unchaperoned Samantha.

So, you saying we not just bringing Man Sam to be butler,

we actually potentially saving Sam and Jay's marriage.

- Ooh. - Oh...

We are good people.

Now, let's text Kyle pretending to be Jay

and we'll deal with the fallout when he gets here.

Oh, yes.

Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Not-not quite done.

And-and almost there.

Okay, you can turn it.

Wait a minute. Who's Derek?

Can you go back a few pages?

Pete, are you sure you don't want to just stretch

your legs for a bit before we board?

It's kind of a long flight.

Oh. That's not a bad idea.

Maybe I'll go sample some of the smells

over at the old Cinnabon.

Dang, that's fun to say.

Cinnabon. Cinnabon. Cinnabon-bon-bon-bon.

Okay.

You know, the Cinnabon was actually

a Keychain Hut a while ago,

and there was a guy named Phil that ran it,

and Phil went to Ithaca College.

True story.

Why would I think it was fake?

Well, it's a pretty good college,

and Phil was not the best student.

Yeah, and I didn't know any of those things, Pete.

Well, now you do.

Cinnabon-bon-bon-bon-bon.

Ithaca. That's another fun one to say.

Ithaca. Ithaca-ca-ca.

Wait, who is Derek?

Hey.

I'm here. Man, that Thanksgiving traffic

is brutal.

Okay, first of all, thank you so much for coming.

-Second, please accept our apologies. -For what?

-What the hell are you doing here? -For that.

I'm confused.

You invited me.

Why would I invite you?

You made a move on my wife.

Was us. We invite you.

Now finish up saying hellos

and commence cooking food for us to smell.

Ah. The ghosts are saying they invited me.

Seriously, guys? I tell you I won't be your butler

so you call my nemesis?

Wow, "nemesis" is a far cry