Taskmaster

Taskmaster was recorded in accordance with

all social distancing guidelines in place at the time of filming.

Yaow! I just need to read that again.

Oh-

Hello. I'm Greg Davies.

Welcome to a brand-new series of Taskmaster.

People have accused me of having a god complex on this show.

Well, I've got bad news for you -

I've talked to God and he said, "You got dis."

And he's right - I do got dis.

And by "dis" I mean my golden bonce of victory.

And to battle for it we have five new gladiators,

all of whom have two things in common.

One: they're happy to throw away their careers.

And two: - they can no longer back out

because they've signed a contract.

The audience are watching this at a later date and at a safe distance,

so, without further ado, let's meet the cast

and get this magnificent competition under way.

Welcome, Charlotte Ritchie... APPLAUSE

...Jamali Maddix,

Lee Mack,

Mike Wozniak

and Sarah Kendall. CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

And next to me, a man who once told me

that he's got no respect for the military

and if any soldier came up to him in public

he could easily have them because they're all stupid.

It's little Alex Horne!

Right, I'm chuffed to bits to be here, Greg.

I'm chuffed to bits to have you here again. I've got myself ready.

I've had my nails painted. Have you? Yes.

Yeah, look there it is.

Little watercolour of my nails.

I didn't think you'd like that,

so I have actually had my real nails painted as well, look.

I've got eyes on my thumbs, so I can do that. Yeah.

Like that? That's nice, that. Yeah?

No, it's nice, yeah. Right. Lovely.

So... let's crack on.

- Have you finished? - OK, let's have the first Prize Task

of the series, please.

Yes, each show, the competitors have to bring in a prize

for the prize pot, according to that episode's category,

and to start this series the category is

The Best Thing You Can Carry, But Only Just.

So, if it's either easy to carry or completely impossible,

it's just not going to cut the mustard with us.

So back off, son.

Greg will judge which one is best

and the owner will get the maximum of five points.

At the end of the episode the overall winner will barely

carry home all five things over five cumbersome trips.

Hello, Charlotte. Hello.

Welcome to the show. Thank you.

So, what's the thing that you've brought in

that is the best thing that you can carry, but only just?

Um, all of my bedding.

There it is. All Charlotte's bedding there, Greg.

So, all of it with me, and it is the best thing

because it's one of the best things I own. Spend half my time in it.

Why are you only just able to carry this bedding?

Well... It's fairly light, isn't it?

It weighs 4kg, or the same as a cat,

or a cat-sized dog.

Only just.

I didn't know it was about it being almost impossible to carry.

Yeah. I would say it's not almost impossible.

Did you know it was about it being good?

LAUGHTER And a good prize.

We'll see, we'll see. I'm willing to bet that that's going to...

I will be amazed if that isn't in last place.

You can't bet on what you're going to decide.

He can. I'll bet with you. Will you? Yeah.

How much? £20. £20.

So, 20 quid says that Charlotte is going in last place.

- Ok. - Jamali.

Can you be worse than bedding?

You're being very harsh with it.

I would say... Oh, oh, you should strap yourself in.

Uh, my prize is a slightly hot potato.

Here it is, the slightly hot potato.

Oh! I thought that was a metaphor.

I thought you meant it was controversial!

No, no, no, no, no.

No, it's just a slightly hot potato, cos it's like, it's not too hot

where it's impossible to carry, but it's slightly hot, so it's...

It's very good. It's like, you've got to do this with it.

Sorry, Jamali. I'm just...

I'm just seeing if I've got £20 on me.

Lee Mack.

I have brought in something that I can prove I can only just carry,

cos I took a photograph of it, and I'm desperate to give this away.

Great. And it is, in fact, my own children. Ah.

Now, it turns out, I'm not allowed to give my children away.

Oh, that's a shame. They'd be a great prize for any home.

So I figured, now, what I'll do is I'll give away a representation

of my children instead. These are his children.

Right? Ah. And I think...

If you look at those photographs next to each other

you'll see how much effort has been put into that.

Here we go. So good. It's uncanny, to be honest with you.

I think it's a contender. Thank you.

Michael Wozniak.

Um, uh, the thing I can carry, but only just, is a tune.

Ahh

Now this - Duvet, and Potato Boy -

this is lateral thinking.

OK, well, here's the CD on the screen.

This is what the winner is going to get.

Mike has provided a backing track, which I will play now.

Monkeys.

Ah, you CAN carry a tune.

You're a really good singer. I dunno, Sarah.

It sounded fairly awful. Rim"

And it was a sort of nightmarish vision of nature.

They're absolute wrong'uns, uh, prawns.

I'm just writing down "Prawns are wrong'uns" and we'll move on.

Sarah.

I was panicked looking for, you know, prizes,

and then I saw a really big "road closed" sign that looked very heavy.

I stole it and I got it to an Uber

and then I Ubered it over to the studio.

Then Channel 4 said, "Uh, no, that's theft

"and we can't represent that sort of behaviour on television."

So you haven't got a prize at all?

No, I did bring a prize.

I stole the bar fridge from my dressing room.

Here it is. So it is a stolen item.

And, again, we will have to put that back cos theft is still bad.

Yeah. Sorry can I just check, is it just me

that's not got a mini bar in my room?

All right, here we go. Let's crack on.

Last place... Last place.

Duvet. Aww. OK. Sorry. No, it makes sense.

Second to last place, potato.

Two points for the hot potato. Third to last place,

three points, mini fridge.

Three points for the stolen fridge, Sarah.

Drum roll. If they were his real kids he would've won,

but they're not his real kids.

But he still gets second place. Four points to Lee Mack.

And I don't know why, Wozniak's song takes it.

It's gut instinct. Mike Wozniak gets five points.

OK, let's go. First task proper, please, Alex.

OK, here we go.

Here it is.

Li-

Good entrance.

I know. Got some swagger.

KNOCK AT DOOR Come in.

Hello, Alex. Hello, Mike.

Hello, Jamali. “I”

I'm not going to ask for permission I'm just going to open this one.

Do the most impressive thing under this table with one hand.

You must be looking at the camera and waving with your other hand

throughout your impressive thing.

OK, so it's going to be my right hand,

cos this hand doesn't do anything.

You have 15 minutes to prepare for your impressive thing.

Then a minute in which to do your impressive thing.

Your time starts now.

Thank you. Oh, it's a pleasure.

People don't often say thank you.

Clicking's not impressive, is it?

I could make something.

Um, I could cook something.

Can I use this? OK.

I don't know how many impressive things I'm able to do

with two hands.

I've always wanted to do that thing where you do that with a coin,

so maybe I'll have a go. This might be the time.

Right.

I won't be needing that 15 minutes. Just let me prepare myself.

Uh, excuse me. Back in a tick.

Am I allowed to watch a video of someone doing it?

There might be a knack to it that I'm just missing.

Yeah, you are giving yourself seven minutes

to learn quite a difficult skill.

I could sketch your face.

Or I could do, like, um...

Like, the Golden Gate Bri... I can't draw.

Oh, no.

What's wrong? Well, it's just so good.

This has done nothing for my confidence.

KNOCK ON DOOR Come in. Hello.

I was just, uh, outside looking for ideas but there weren't any.

There were no ideas outside? I

Right, Charlotte said, "I'm going to have to use my right hand..."

Mmm.

- "..because this one doesn't do anything." - Yeah.

Hands are amazing, but this really doesn't really do anything.

It's largely redundant. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I mean, I'm grateful for it but it doesn't do...

Um, I did want to ask you about your chosen outfit.

What's the inspiration behind your look?

I've written down "Middle management, primary school."

That's pretty fair. Geography teacher, do you know what I mean?

RAF reject. I'm not really sure.

But, I mean, they were quite cheap and they were available,