Taskmaster

No way!

Er... Gosh!

Where's the hole?!

Ah! Ahh!

Are you having a laugh?

Hello!

Hello, everybody.

I'm Greg Davies, welcome to Taskmaster.

It's episode seven, and it's at this point in the competition

when the mood shifts and the real battle begins.

Tactics start to come into play,

and contestants become ruthless warriors intent on victory.

And I wouldn't reveal what I've heard backstage,

cos I don't want to change your perception of any one person.

But as an example, yesterday,

I overheard an unnamed individual say,

"I won't return to Ireland until I've destroyed them all."

Let's get on with it,

and welcome our titans of task once more!

They are Ardal O'Hanlon...

Bridget Christie...

Chris Ramsey...

Judi Love...

and Sophie Duker!

And next to me, the answer to the question,

"Who's Greg throwing chicken at?" It's...

"little Alex Horne!

Hello.

What's the prize task, you fool?

Yes, this one has universal appeal,

because they've been asked to bring in

the nicest thing to put your finger in.

This is a Bafta-winning show.

The owner of the thing the Taskmaster thinks is the nicest

thing to put his finger in will be awarded five points.

And, at the end of the episode, the winner will take home

five finger-worthy things.

Yes, it's a really glove-ly prize.

I know. I know.

Ardal O'Hanlon, what would I like to pop my finger in?

Uh, I've brought in a finger puppet.

Ah. Well, not just any finger puppet.

I brought in Dr Jerry.

Erm... Dr Jerry Flynn, er, he's...

I should point out he's not a real doctor.

He's more of a life coach.

Can you just give me one example of the advice Dr Jerry might give you?

I asked him, "Should I come on Taskmaster?"

And I should've taken his advice.

It's a strong opener. OK.

Chris, can you beat an insane finger puppet?

I have brought in not a finger puppet...

a finger monster. Ooh. Oh.

Watch out for the scary monster, Greg, here it comes.

Here it is! Eh? Ohh.

I remember those.

Are they soft? Are they soft?

Yeah, soft, rubbery, really feels lovely to put your finger in.

Hm.

They were a big feature of my youth, these.

I'm surprised they've lasted into your generation.

I thought they were...

No, they started in the '50s, and they are still around.

He's really tapped into my youth, back in the '50s,

when I was down the doo-wop.

Erm, Bridget, what have you brought in?

Fa rt putty!

Oh, fart putty, good.

It's really cold, and really feels so good.

But also goes...

We do actually have a video of it doing that noise.

Here we go!

It sounds better than that normally.

Does it? When I had my daughter, she was induced,

and the doctor had to break my waters.

They used, like, a little hook...

But he was really nervous and kept doing it wrong.

So, he kept going in and out, and it was like...

Anyway, so when I had to try and make him feel more relaxed,

I was like, "Oh, weren't you wearing a watch a minute ago?"

And he was, like, in and out, and I was like,

"Ah, this is like that fart putty."

Ah. Whoa.

It's funny, innit?

I'm sort of surprised that we've arrived at this destination

when we got on at Silly Putty Station.

Judi.

I've brought in warm custard.

It's gotta be a bigger bowl, though. It's gotta be a bigger bowl.

Oh, you put your whole head in?

Well, you know, sometimes once you put the fingers in,

you do want to put your face in.

Sophie, what have you brought in?

I know that you, as the Taskmaster, you like to control us like we're

your own tiny little puppets.

I do.

I've brought the closest thing to me that I could bring

to this competition. Oh, my God.

I've brought Jane.

I found her in a charity shop.

She was wearing a different outfit then, obviously.

I put her in my Taskmaster outfit.

What's she called again? Jane Norman.

Why have they got second names?

So, is she a puppet-puppet? She's a puppet-puppet.

But the key finger goes in her brain.

The index finger is powering Jane's, basically, sense of being.

So, she doesn't talk, she just sits with her mouth agawp?

What she doesn't talk? She does talk. Ha!

Here's the thing,

the monsters, they remind me so powerfully of my youth that...

Same...| can't separate them from putting my finger in

a bowl of warm custard.

And I still think farts are hilarious, now that I've

disassociated it from Bridget's womb.

So, I'm going to give three points to you three.

I'm going to give four points to Jane Norman, because clearly,

Ardal really needs Dr Jerry Flynn.

And I'll give him five points for that.

There you go, Ardal O'Hanlon gets five points!

Alex Horne, you will play me a sweet, sweet video.

I will, but first, watch me do this.

Judi Love. Hi, babes.

Hiya. Hi, Sophie.

Bridget. What?

I hope more people call me that from now on. What, babes? Yeah.

See what I'm going to call you after I read this.

"Show off.

"Biggest show-off wins."

"You have 20 minutes."

"Your time starts now."

Show off? Yeah.

I don't know how to show off, babes.

I can't wait to see these guys show off.

Yes, it's a tough task. Tough.

They had to boastfully display their abilities or accomplishments.

And first up, forget about the silly Citizens Advice Bureau,

we've got a much better CAB —

It's Chris, Ardal, and Bridget.

Oh, God where do I start?

Start by, I suppose, juggling bricks.

OK.

OK.

I have an idea. I'll be back.

Have you got a gun?

No.

I'm going to do one thing that my dad taught us that I think

I might be able to do.

So, no guns, no?

No.

Have you got an axe?

No.

I'm going to see how many balls I can get in there.

Great.

Oh.

Oh.

Come on. Oh!

Ooh.

Are you trying to knock it off, or get it in it? Get it in. Ah.

I might pop it just down here for now.

That would've been much better with some sort of gun.

Right, I should try the yellow one.

I think it's cos the, er... buckets aren't heavy enough.

Moment of truth.

I might've been a bit too ambitious, with what I can do here.

Thanks, Chris.

You were inside for 14 minutes, Ardal.

Well, I think you'll see the time was not wasted.

I'm going to balance this wooden spoon on my chin.

You see? Oh. Yeah.

OK, thanks, then. Thanks, Bridget. Yeah, bye, then. I enjoyed that.

Yeah, thanks.

I can do this, as well.

I can do it for ages.

Doesn't hurt.

Hurts a little bit now.

OK.

Oh, all so enjoyable for such different reasons.

Bridget and I'm not normally this direct, erm,

what's wrong with you?

I thought, "Don't try and do something else.

"Stay with the balls. Don't give up."

Believe in yourself. Believe in yourself.

You've got to back yourself — If you won't back yourself,

who'll back you, right? Nobody.

Dr Jerry-

I'm telling you this — I'm fascinated by what went on in

the 14 minutes of absence.

14 minutes... Yeah... of absence.

And you came back, I think, with glitter in your hair. Yes.

Er, and you conclusively proved that

you're incapable of balancing a spoon on your chin.

I am fundamentally incapable of showing off.

I come from a place where showing off is, like,

the worst thing you can do.

People in my town won't wear high-vis jackets, because...

It's true!

Erm, Chris, look at the reaction your dad gained you.

It was... |—| thought... ..fever pitch in here.

Honestly, that's better than some gigs I've done, that.