Ghosts

It's just so sad.

What's going on?

Sass has been posting up on that bench

for three days, pathetically waiting for Joan.

She said she'd be back November 28.

That's the day the lovers

in her steamboat romcom finally kissed.

But unlike the plucky heroine in Choppy Waters,

this woman clearly has no intention of returning.

Someone needs to just set him straight.

We can't have him sitting out on that bench all day.

- I know. Poor guy. - No.

I mean, he's in direct view of my pondering window.

I don't want to be looking at that sad sack while I ponder.

- Agreed. - We should say something.

Um... hey, guys.

Hey, Sass. There's our slugger.

I'm starting to worry that Joan's not coming back.

That maybe she doesn't like me anymore?

Uh, is that crazy?

-No. -What? -Not possible.

- She's obsessed with you. - Great.

So, I should go back out there and wait, or...

Absolutely.

-Okay. -Although, maybe you should try

waiting at the bench at the back of the house.

If memory serves, I believe,

last time, she arrived from the south.

Yeah. Good call. Okay.

Thanks, guys.

Poor schmuck.

Somebody should really say something. Hmm.

Oh, man, last night was rough.

Oh, the dishwasher broke at Mahesh.

And then Sass came into my dreams

to whine about Joan. Again.

-Sass is in here. -Oh, boy.

Ah, sorry for bending your ear, Jay.

Oh. Also, Natalie Portman was in his dream last night. Again.

You know, Sass, now that Jay

has so callously brought it up, it does seem

like Joan might not be coming back.

Yes, Sasappis. I'm sorry.

I know that's difficult to hear.

Oh, you guys are right.

I'm such an idiot, and-- ugh, why is love so hard?

- Guess who's getting married?! - Oh, my God.

-Eric proposed? -No, but he's going to.

Imminently. Get this. He called me,

asked me if my nails were done.

And said he's coming to visit tomorrow.

And last week, he asked me for my ring size.

I'm so happy for you.

Oh, let me also note that there are no employee

or family discounts for weddings at the mansion.

-Jay... -Bela, I'm so excited for you.

It is kind of a bummer I know it's coming, though.

I guess I just always imagined

that my proposal would be a surprise.

Ah, your proposals

don't always go the way you expect them to go.

When I proposed to Sam, it was a bit of a mess,

but ultimately, it didn't matter,

because it's not about the proposal.

-Uh-huh. -Oof. That "uh-huh" tells a sad tale.

So, have you given any thought to a maid of honor?

You know what's crazy?

I've never even been one.

Seriously, Sam? So thirsty.

Yeah. I don't actually know if we're gonna do wedding parties.

Incredible. That question was so uncomfortable,

it caused Bela to abandon

wedding parties completely.

Oh, it would be so boring to be a ghost

-in the house of a socially adept Living. -Mm.

-We are lucky. -Hmm.

Life is hard in the basement, Peter.

Those freaks sleep standing up.

Well, no one's forcing you to live down there.

I have to establish residency.

I lost the upstairs primary.

Now, my only chance

at winning the ghost representative election lies

in my securing the nomination of the basement ghosts.

How do you sleep standing up?

I don't. I haven't.

And the only thing worse than the nights are the days...

with the wall-to-wall water-heater talk.

"Have you heard that gurgle?"

"Ooh, that's a pretty good gurgle."

Isaac, why are you doing this to yourself?

Even if you win, the position doesn't even mean that much.

It means everything, Peter.

I'm an elected official who's never won an election.

Uh, I mean, maybe you can get Sam

to move a cot down there for you.

No, no, no, no, no.

If I am to win their vote,

I need to show that I am one of them.

A man of the people.

You see, Peter...

Isaac?

-Isaac! -Yes. Gurgles.

Heard the gurgles. Ooh.

And the order for the new dishwasher has been placed,

which is the least exciting thing I've ever spent money on.

My dishwasher slept with my husband.

Quit your complaining.

I'm such an idiot.

What happened?

Eric's not coming. There's no engagement.

I got completely Sasappis'd.

What was that? Sasappis'd?

Some people are using it as a sort of catchall

for experiencing profound romantic disappointment.

- What's going on? - Eric just called

and said he's canceling his trip.

He said he had an "architecture emergency."

This term made the leap to the Livings?

When something's catchy, bro. You should be flattered.

And get this. The reason

he asked my ring size is

because he's getting us his and hers bowling balls.

Well, you know...

Oh, no, Jay's terrible at silver linings.

...it's almost the weekend.

That ain't even connected. What is wrong with him?

I can't believe I thought he was going to propose.

I just paid a woman $100 to put snail mucus all over my face.

Snail mucus, Jay!

In my day, we powdered our faces

with lead and arsenic.

We didn't know. We didn't care.

We looked incredible.

I'm gonna go watch some bowling tutorials,

'cause that's my life now.

Just a sad bowling lady

with great skin and a well-fit ball.

TGIF.

Just stop.

She's going to be so surprised.

Wait, what are you talking about?

Eric didn't actually cancel. He just pretended to cancel

so he could surprise her.

- I called him and gave him the idea. Babe, I don't think

this is something you should be getting involved in.

Oh, come on. I just want Bela to love her proposal.

It's something that only happens once. It's a big deal.

Does this have something to do with our proposal?

No.

- That's a yes. - Okay,

first of all, obviously, I wasn't planning on doing it

on the tarmac at JFK after a baby puked in your lap.

- What the hell? - I was gonna do it

in the Bahamas, but then, I pulled out a napkin

from my pocket, and also, accidentally, the ring,

and then, you saw the ring, and...

And then you said a bunch of swear words, and you said,

"I guess you know I want to marry you."

And I love that that's our story, Jay. I really do.

But we have the chance to give Bela one

that makes her really happy, so why not try?

Okay.

You know, what I had planned was pretty cool, by the way.

Mark, the contractor-- he proposed in a Rite Aid, so...

Now he's just listing worse proposals?

This is not where you want to be, bro.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

Ah.

Mm.

Well...

...well, well.

A gal goes out for an evening cheese sniff,

and what does she find?

A stinker.

-I can explain. -Oh, you're not one of us.

You're a lay-down cushion boy,

and you're never gonna be our ghost representative.

No! I'm a man of the people.

-Oh, you're a man of the couch. -No!

Nancy, wait.

I was just resting my eyes.

I loathe being prone.

Nancy!

Oh, it's so beautiful.

And it fits.

The bowling ball fits.

Hey, there, Bela.

Um, I'm Sass.

Sass? What are you doing here?

I can go into people's dreams. It's not a big deal.

But it is a tier-one power.

Anyway, I just came to check on you.

I heard about the whole engagement disappointment.

That's really nice of you.

Look, I get it.

I've been going through kind of a tough time myself.

Thanks.

Tomorrow is going to be so fun.