Ghosts

Look, I wish I could help you, but that money was seized

as part of an investigation

into the illegal poker game at your residence.

-So you can just keep it? -It's called civil forfeiture.

And there's no way we can get it back?

I mean, there's a slim chance, but it's a lengthy process.

Hey, Chief, where do you want this new espresso machine?

-Oh, the break room's fine. Ooh.

Is that a Piaggi? I tried to get one of those for the restaurant.

-Those things are, like, ten grand. -Oh, uh,

-we got a good deal. Sorry to interrupt, Chief,

but for the Humvee, do we want to go

with the upgraded Napa leather with the contrast stitching?

That doesn't come with

-the premium package? -It's separate.

Sure. Why not? (chuckles)

Well, that all sounds pretty expensive.

Ma'am, you can't put a price on public safety.

We're never getting our money back, are we?

No, you are not. But...

I can offer you a cappuccino.

-Okay. -Can I get light foam?

So, yeah,

we are facing some financial difficulties, and

we just thought that it was important to come clean to you.

Mm. "Come clean" is a bit strong.

The man still doesn't know

that the root of your money woes is ghost-related tax evasion.

-The details are not important. -Hmm. We knew we had to

share it with you, 'cause you're not just our business partner,

I mean, you're our friend.

Are you even listening, Mark?

Hmm? Oh, yeah, that all sounds great.

We just told you we're in serious financial trouble.

You're right. I'm so sorry.

Uh, they just came out with a new update

for this Fruit Smash game.

It's very addictive.

They added raspberries, which seems like not a big deal,

but they give you triple smash points.

Look, I appreciate you guys being honest with me.

And I'm here for anything you need,

-short of lending you any money. Ooh.

-Smart man, Mark. -We'll figure something out.

Thank you for letting us bend your ear, Mark.

-Mark! -Sorry.

I'm just one cantaloupe away from a fruit salad.

-That's actually a very big achievement. I'll catch

you guys later. I'm gonna go check out that thing

with the walk-in at the restaurant.

-Thanks, Mark. What...

Now what is the plan?

Are you gonna have to sell the house?

And, if so, have you considered selling it to Kyle?

Ooh! That would be

-amazing. -Love Kyle.

Nobody turns a magazine page better.

-But, obviously, we'd miss you dearly. Of course

we don't want to sell, but we are running out of options.

Sam and Jay.

-(door closes) -Hi. Mayor Tad.

We met last year at that fundraiser you hosted.

I only feel the need to remind you because you were

"baked out of your minds." Your words.

Hello, sir.

Love a two-handed handshake. Makes you feel special.

Not as special as a six-handed massage.

Have I ever told you guys

about Jordan Belfort's bachelor party?

To what do we owe the pleasure, Mr. Mayor?

Well, I know you're in a bit of a financial pickle.

I heard about your visit to city hall today.

And I think I might have a solution.

-We're listening. -I would like

to personally invest in your business.

The hotel, the restaurant.

I want to be part of the solution.

You would? But why?

Well, obviously, I have a special connection

with Woodstone.

Because your prom date was chainsawed here. Go on.

And you guys aren't just

constituents. You're job creators.

I mean, if you were forced to sell,

there's no guarantee this property wouldn't

just become some rich person's third house.

I don't know if you can technically call them rich

if they only have three houses, but okay.

Well, it's definitely interesting.

Well, I'll tell you what. Let's have lunch,

talk about it, see if this is a good fit.

Thank you, Mr. Mayor.

Mm. now, Jay's

-double-handing it. -This is too many hands.

Thank you all

for gathering.

The day has finally arrived.

Ghost representative election day.

And now let's hear closing statements from our candidates.

First up, somehow representing the basement ghosts,

Isaac Higgintoot.

Thank you, Sasappis.

My fellow Ghostmericans,

it has been a long and eventful campaign.

And I have heard your problems,

and I have formulated solutions.

Remember, a vote for Isaac is a vote

for a movie-theater style popcorn machine

in the main lobby.

-Oh, yes! And this is not

a false promise.

I have actually secured Samantha's agreement on this.

The aromatic scent of freshly popped corn

will waft

through these halls, you have my word.

-Yeah! -Whoo!

And now, representing the upstairs ghosts,

Flower Montero.

I'm nervous. I told her she should walk through Gabe

to get smart before her speech, but she refused.

Wanted to do it on her own.

Thank you, fellow ghosts.

I just have one question for all of you.

What is this for?

It's your closing statement for the election, Flower.

Right. The election.

We got to run that son of a bitch Nixon out of office, man.

By attending music festivals,

taking acid and sucking nitrous out of balloons.

Who's with me?

Yeah!

We want the movie theater popcorn thing.

: Popcorn thing!

Popcorn thing! Popcorn thing!

-Our girl's in trouble. -Popcorn thing! Pop...

I got to say,

the B and B is charming as hell, this restaurant is incredible,

and neither of you currently seems

the least bit stoned.

Ah. The lowest of bars, cleared.

-You love to see it. -(chuckles)

So, long story short-- I don't know--

I'm feeling pretty good about this.

We certainly need the money.

But cards on the table-- we're a little worried

about selling a majority stake in Woodstone. Right, Sam?

-Sam? -Oh. Sorry.

I downloaded the stupid game. I can't put it down.

I can help you get past that Monster Melon. Let's talk later.

-Now, where were we? -Look, I completely get it.

Woodstone isn't just a business. It's your home.

Which you are going to lose unless you close this deal.

I don't know what there even is to talk about.

But it's you guys I'm investing in.

I don't have time to be hands-on.

I like what you're doing. I want you to keep doing it.

So you're saying you want to give us money

to save the business so we can keep running it,

and nothing's gonna change?

She's one of the great summarizers of her era.

Yes. And, you know,

if a few headlines pop up here and there

about how Mayor Tad saved a local business

in an election year, well, you know, so be it.

So, what do you say?

Uh... we're in.

Woodstone is saved!

And it still doesn't mean you can't ask Kyle to move in.

Hey, Jay, bad news on the walk-in. Looks like

you might need a new control board.

Oh. Hello, Tad.

Mark.

You two know each other?

Am I crazy or do

Mark and Tad have some sort of score to settle?

Mark did some work

-on my kitchen. Great.

He's our business partner.

He's the best.

Tad's interested in purchasing a part

of our share of the business.

I was interested.

Unfortunately, if Mark's involved, I'm out.

What did Mark do to this man's kitchen?

I ain't leaving. I want to find out.

I'm sorry. Are you saying you're not gonna invest

in the business because Mark is involved?

That's right. Going into business with someone

is all about trust, and Mark

is not to be trusted.

You said you wanted bullnose countertops.

I would never.

Everything about me says sharp edges.

Guys, this doesn't need to be a big deal.

-Misunderstandings happen. Yeah.

It wasn't a misunderstanding. I couldn't have been clearer.

Yeah, I agree.

When we discussed this, standing in your kitchen,

you clearly stated you wanted bullnose.

That is not what I said.