Taskmaster

This programme contains strong language

Don't look away.

Don't put that on telly!

Oo-ar!

I might just do this all day.

Argh! This is weird.

Argh! This is weird.

It's so tight.

ALL EXCLAIM

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

TYPEWRITER DINGS

Hello. Thank you.

Hello. Thank you.

Welcome to Taskmaster.

A herd of comedy wildebeest being whittled down

A herd of comedy wildebeest being whittled down

by the natural selection of their own incompetence.

by the natural selection of their own incompetence.

What lies in wait for them at the watering hole today?

What lies in wait for them at the watering hole today?

Oh, let's get in the jape Jeep and go and find out.

Oh, let's get in the jape Jeep and go and find out.

I hope it's not a comedy crocodile.

I hope it's not a comedy crocodile.

Please welcome Amy Gledhill...

Please welcome Amy Gledhill...

..Armando Iannucci...

..Joanna Page,

..Joanna Page,

Joel Dommett,

Joel Dommett,

and Kumail Nanjiani.

And next to me, a man whose favourite films, he tells me,

And next to me, a man whose favourite films, he tells me,

are the Carry On films because it reminds him

are the Carry On films because it reminds him

of a golden time in mainstream culture -

when women could be openly objectified,

when women could be openly objectified,

and it was OK to acknowledge

that some foreign accents are just hilarious.

that some foreign accents are just hilarious.

It's little Alex Horne!

It's little Alex Horne!

Thank you. I didn't...

You're paraphrasing.

And the prize task category this week is

the most unquestionable thing of beauty.

the most unquestionable thing of beauty.

GREG WHISTLES Ooh!

Yes, it's clear-cut, it's unquestionable,

and yet he will question them and judge them

and give maximum points for the most unquestionable one,

and give maximum points for the most unquestionable one,

such is his right.

And that was a reading from Corinthians chapter 9, verse 18.

And that was a reading from Corinthians chapter 9, verse 18.

Let's do this. Who shall we have first?

Joanna Page.

My thing of unquestionable beauty

My thing of unquestionable beauty

is unquestionable evidence of the fact that I was voted

is unquestionable evidence of the fact that I was voted

Wales' Sexiest Woman in 2009.

Wales' Sexiest Woman in 2009.

Whoo!

Wow.Thank you very much. Yeah. Great.

Wow.Thank you very much. Yeah. Great.

This is what she's brought in to represent unquestionable beauty.

This is what she's brought in to represent unquestionable beauty.

GASPING

You might think this is shallow, right?

You might think this is shallow, right?

But this isn't mine.

This is taken from my mother's scrapbook. Mm-hm.

This is taken from my mother's scrapbook. Mm-hm.

And this is going on, like, 20 years old,

And this is going on, like, 20 years old,

and she still has this, and she has this because she's proud of me.

and she still has this, and she has this because she's proud of me.

Yes.And if this doesn't say about the unquestionable beauty of

Yes.And if this doesn't say about the unquestionable beauty of

Yes.And if this doesn't say about the unquestionable beauty of

a mother's love for her daughter, then I don't know what does.

a mother's love for her daughter, then I don't know what does.

And it gets me here. Wow.

And it gets me here. Wow.

Yeah. Thank you.

I think that is a very strong start. Thank you.

I think that is a very strong start. Thank you.

Right, we're off. Kumail.

I brought in something that I find to be very beautiful

I brought in something that I find to be very beautiful

and I cannot believe my friend found it in the trash.

and I cannot believe my friend found it in the trash.

Oh, what?Look at this, Greg.

It's a painting that is absolutely gorgeous.

It's a painting that is absolutely gorgeous.

I mean, it just looks like this ghostly child being held captive.

I mean, it just looks like this ghostly child being held captive.

It's grotesque.Thank you.

It's grotesque.Thank you.

Can we look at the back of it, please? Yeah.

Can we look at the back of it, please? Yeah.

The back looks like this. It says, "T-Payne."

The back looks like this. It says, "T-Payne."

Why does it say the name of the King of Auto-Tune on the back?

Why does it say the name of the King of Auto-Tune on the back?

Because it's art, Greg.

Because it's art, Greg.

And I think the painting's haunted.

I've been trying to get rid of it for years.

I didn't even ship it here,

it was just in my hotel room when I checked in.

it was just in my hotel room when I checked in.

I really hope I lose this episode.

I really hope I lose this episode.

Well, you're off to a great start.

Well, you're off to a great start.

Armando.

It's... My wife took it. She's normally a very good photographer.

She said it was an accident.

Yeah, this is a photo of Armando.

So...

I think it's a happy accident,

because it actually shows just how unquestionably beautiful

because it actually shows just how unquestionably beautiful

the whole of planet Earth is -

the nature, the sky -

the nature, the sky -

and how unbelievably insignificant we are as part of it.

and how unbelievably insignificant we are as part of it.

Or... I don't know how insignificant the haunting "egg island" is.

Or... I don't know how insignificant the haunting "egg island" is.

Or... I don't know how insignificant the haunting "egg island" is.

Two left, Greg. Amy.

I have brought a painting of Yorkshire... Ah.Oh.

I have brought a painting of Yorkshire... Ah.Oh.

..because I think Yorkshire's beautiful,

and I've made a very special frame which I'd like to show you,

and I've made a very special frame which I'd like to show you,

which I think makes it even more beautiful.

which I think makes it even more beautiful.

Well, take a look at this.

Good.

Who did the painting?

My friend Poppy Hillstead. From Yorkshire?

My friend Poppy Hillstead. From Yorkshire?

Yeah. Ey up!

I like it very much.

Joel, what have you brought us?

I've also gone for a painting, Amy.

I've also gone for a painting, Amy.

Take a look at this, Greg.

It's pretty good. I know what you've done.

It's pretty good. I know what you've done.

You know what I've done? If you've not guessed...

You know what I've done? If you've not guessed...

I know what he's... ..that is your head, and that's your body.

I know what he's... ..that is your head, and that's your body.

Oh, my... Oh, is it your body? It's Kumail's body

Oh, my... Oh, is it your body? It's Kumail's body

and it's Greg's head,

and that's little Alex Horne on the pants.

Yeah, I... I see that.

You and I make a great hybrid.

Oh, it's sort of so sad,

because I'll never get to see that in real life.

because I'll never get to see that in real life.

Really, it's just that head on top of a bag of suet.

Really, it's just that head on top of a bag of suet.

Right, do you want to score these beautiful things?

Right, do you want to score these beautiful things?

Yeah. It's tough...Mm.

..because I was quite touched by all but one.

..because I was quite touched by all but one.

So, there's one to come out. And you'll thank me for that.

So, there's one to come out. And you'll thank me for that.

I think there's got to be a gap between creepy child and the others.

I think there's got to be a gap between creepy child and the others.

I'm going to give muscly me three points.

Muscly me.

OK, so three points to Joel.

I'm going to give Armando's head island four points.

I'm going to give Armando's head island four points.

Thank you. The general populace would love

Thank you. The general populace would love

the bond between mother and daughter,

the bond between mother and daughter,

and the people of Yorkshire would love to be celebrated by a picture

and the people of Yorkshire would love to be celebrated by a picture

and the people of Yorkshire would love to be celebrated by a picture

surrounded by Yorkshire puddings,

surrounded by Yorkshire puddings,

and thus, five points each to the two ladies.

and thus, five points each to the two ladies.

There we go. Five points to Amy, five points to Joanna.

There we go. Five points to Amy, five points to Joanna.

Let us task.