The Last Starfighter

Good morning.

It's 8:00 in wonderful Coombs County, where once again...

state police have refused to confirm or deny...

more of those mysterious "lights in the sky" sightings by local residents.

Roving air reporters spoke with Miss Josie Floss, who made such a sighting.

I seen that sightin' with my own eyes.

And when I called the police, they told me it was swamp gas.

Bullshit! Ain't no swamps in Coombs County!

Gonna be a sparklin' day.

Sparklin'.

Makes me crazy! Clara!

Clara!

My electric's gone out again, Clara! I'm gonna miss my soaps!

- Oh, stop your yakkin'. - Bill?

Bill, Elvira's blacked out again! Pass the word.

- Have a nice day, honey. - Thanks, Mrs. Boone. You too.

Elvira's got no electric.

She can't see her soaps, she'll hyperventilate.

Great day for a picnic, Maggie!

- Can't wait, Mr. Boone. Catch yourself a big one! - If I can!

Granny, I fixed you lunch and put it in the fridge.

- Have fun, child. - Sure you're gonna be okay?

I'll be fine, dear. Now you just run along. Bye!

- Hi, Mrs. Rogan. - Hi, Maggie.

- Did you find that picnic basket yet? - Mmm-huh.

- It's in the living room. - Oh, thanks. Where's Alex?

- Where else? - Right.

Louis.

- Good morning, space-son Louis. - Earthling.

- Louis! - Yoohoo, Jane!

Elvira's electric is out again, and she's gonna get hyper if she can't see her soaps!

Bleep.

Granny, tell Elvira that Alex'll be over to patch her electric in time for the soaps.

I'll tell her, Jane. Elvira!

- Louis! Louis! - Bleep-bleep.

- Go tell Alex I need him. - Beware, aliens. Louis Rogan...

the cosmic cadet, the space avenger, is on your case.

Greetings, Starfighter!

You have been recruited by the Star League to defend the frontier against Xur...

and the Kodan Armada.

Get ready. Prepare for blastoff!

Okay. Let's go.

Prepare for target light practice, Starfighter.

- Mom's lookin' for you, Alex. - Uh-huh.

Right there! Right there!

Aim.

They're onto the centre. Shoot 'em, okay?

Now from the bottom up, okay. There's one right over there.

Okay, doin' good. Right up there.

- Move your head, will you, Louis? - Uh, sorry.

Maggie!

Hey, you guys. Hi. How ya doin'?

Come on, Alex. They're here!

- Maggie - Queen of the trailer park!

Well... Starfighter Alex Rogan requests permission...

to turn the bridge over to my little brother, Louis, sir!

Um... Okay, you dorks are dead.

- You are defeated. Twenty-five cents more, please. - Oh, crapola.

- Rogan, Come on. - Hey, Alex, how you doin', man?

- Just... Just a second. - Hey, Alex. Let's do it, buddy!

- What are you doin'? - Come on, Alex. Hurry up!

- Alex, did it come yet? - Uh, no. I don't think so.

What's it this time, Rogan? You joinin' the Foreign Legion?

Yes, sir, folks. Step right up. Meet boy adventurer Alex Rogan...

on the last leg of his worldwide tour... to nowhere.

Funny, Blake.

You guys think I'm gonna hang out here, watch you shine your pick-up...

go to the drive-in, get drunk and throw up every Saturday night...

go to City College like everybody else?

Forget it, man. I'm doin' somethin' with my life.

- Oh-ho. Mr. Serioso. - Alex!

- Yeah? - Honey, Elvira's electric is out.

Oh, Ma, that's gonna take all day. I was goin' to Silver Lake.

Honey, I know. I'm sorry. I'm working lunch and dinner.

I'm gonna be in town all day!

Oh... All right. Okay, Ma. I'll do it.

Thanks, honey.

We're gonna be late.

- Look. You, uh... You'd just better go ahead without me. - No. Alex, I'll stay.

No. That's okay. This'll take a while.

Uh... I'll catch up with you later.

Alex...

Bye-bye, Rogan! See you, dude!

Alex, come help me!

Hey, Alex. Could you give me a hand here?

Thanks, Alex!

What should we do tonight?

- I don't know. - How about cards?

- Hey, that's a good idea. - Yeah, but we played cards last night.

Well... The missus wants to go into town tonight and go dancing.

The fish were really bitin' down there at the stream.

It was pleasant fishin' today.

Yup. It's gonna be pleasant tomorrow too.

Gonna be a pleasant summer accordin' to Farmer's Almanac.

Yeah. I love the Farmer's Almanac. I've been readin' it for years.

Greetings, Starfighter.

You have been recruited by the Star League...

to defend the frontier against Xur and the Kodan Armada.

Yeah. Yeah.

Get ready. Prepare for blastoff.

Prepare for target light practice, Starfighter.

- Oh, hi, Alex. - Hey, Otis.

Where's your Maggie?

Good question.

Out having a good time, I guess.

Oh. And you never have a good time. Is that it?

Oh, sure. I love patching 30-year-old fuse panels...

and plunging people's toilets.

Otis, I-I never even get a chance to have a good time around here.

Things change. Always do.

You'll get your chance!

Important thing is, when it comes...

you gotta grab it with both hands and hold on tight.

Enemy squadrons in Sector 367 closing fast.

- Thanks, Jack. - You're welcome.

- Good night, Maggie. - Good night.

Thought you were gonna meet me at the lake.

What happened?

Same thing that always happens: I couldn't get away.

Where's everybody else?

Oh, they went to a movie.

Old Jack Blake just happened to be going your way, huh?

Enemy squadron in Sector 3.

- He said it was on his way home. - Blake lives on the other side of town.

Come on, Alex. I wanted to get back to you.

Okay?

Good show, Starfighter! Way to go.

- Alex, look! - Oh, my God. What is that?

900,000!

900,000! You gonna bust the record!

Hey! Hey! Listen up, everybody!

Alex is going for the record!

- Record? - Take... Take a hand. Take a hand.

Got 'em! Oh, come and get that one!

You can do it!

Otis?

Otis, what are you yelling about? What's wrong?

Come on! C-Come on! He's going to bust the record!

Hurry! Hurry!

Everyone get back! Don't crowd him!

I said, get back!

- Alex, you never got this far before! - Go, Alex!

Good boy!

Kodan command ship entering kill zone.

- Command ship! - Oh, command ship!

- What's a command ship? - You can do it, Alex! You can do it!

One more now. Come on! That's the one! That's the one we want!

Yeah! Yeah!

- Good night. Way to go, Alex! - 'Night, kids.

Alex, you're something else. You're wonderful, boy.

- Thank you. - If I said it once, I said it a thousand times.

- That boy's gonna go places. - That's one smart boy.

'Night, Alex.

"' Night, Alex"? Wait a second.

Maggie? Maggie?

Hold on a second. Where are you going?

What's wrong?

Well, I guess it just hit me.

You really are leaving here, aren't you?

Of course, I'm leaving. We're both gonna leave here.

- Both of us, Alex? - Yeah.

We-We-We talked about this.

When I get to school, I'm gonna find a place, and I'm gonna come back and get you.

- Well, what about Granny? - Granny?

Truth is you're scared of leaving this trailer park.

I'm not scared of leaving this trailer park, Alex.

Hey. Listen.

Whatever happens, it's you and me forever, right?

Right?

- I love you so much, Alex. - I'll always love you, Maggs.

Diarrhoea.

Maggie! Maggie!

Alex, I got to go in. 'Night.

- 'Night. - 'Night.

Someday they're gonna say, "This is where it all began."

- What? - Mom, I finally broke the Starfighter record.

- Oh, that's nice, dear. - Nice? It's stupendous!

Uh, Alex...

Mr. Brenner knew that you'd want to see this as soon as possible...

so he brought it by the diner and, uh...

Well, I was so excited, I-I opened it.

- Oh, that's okay. What is it? - It's about your loan.

You can... still go to City College with your friends.

Greetings, Starfighter.

Greetings, Starfighter. You have been recruited by the Star League to defend the frontier.

You have been recruited... Greetings, Starfighter.

You have been recruited...

You have been recruited...

You have been recruited...

Get ready. Prepare for blastoff.

Get ready.

Prepare for...

You have been recruited...

Hello. Excuse me, son.

- Store's closed, mister. - I'm not here for cigarettes or bubble gum, my boy.

Can you tell me the name of the person who broke the record on that game over there?

Where I might find him?

Alex Rogan. You're lookin' at him.

Alex Rogan. Aha-ha.

- Who are you? - Centauri's the name.