Office Romance (Служебный роман)

Andrey Miagkov

My heart is sad - I dare not tell, My heart is sad for Somebody.

I could wake a winter night For the sake of Somebody.

There's no one with me, I've got to find Someone.

AN OFFICE ROMANCE I could range the world around For the sake of Somebody.

For the sake of Somebody...

I could range the world around...

Play: Emil BRAGINSKIY Eldar RYAZANOV

Director: Eldar RYAZANOV

As you all know...

...labour ennobles mankind.

That is why people find delight in going to work.

I personally go to work...

...only because it ennobles me.

If not for statistics...

...we wouldn't have the slightest idea...

...how well we work.

This is Ludmila Prokofievna Kalugina.

Director of our statistic bureau.

She knows well the business that she manages.

Such things do happen, too.

She comes to the office well before hours.

And leaves after everyone has already left.

Which means that, alas...

...she is not married.

We call her "our hag".

Behind her back, certainly.

Music: Andrey PETROV

Every morning, before I get to work...

...I get rid of my hooligans.

Here are 40 kopecks, buy 2 cartons of milk.

- Don't you forget that! - OK!

And don't forget to eat breakfast!

Now, you. When will you stop misbehaving?

Why does everybody complain of you?

I'm not misbehaving!

Why don't they complain of other kids?

Why did you eat play-dough?

But I ate it with sugar!

But you're a grown-up man.

You know you can't eat play-dough.

Why did you lock Masha in a wardrobe?

I locked her, and then lost the key.

Go! And don't you dare to smear the teacher's chair with glue!

OK, OK!

My name is Anatoly Efremovich Novoseltsev.

I exist on my salary, that is, hand to mouth.

In a word, I make ends meet...

...finding ways and means.

This is Olga Petrovna Ryzhova. Olya.

Songs lyrics: Robert Burns, Evgeniy Evtushenko, Nikolai Zabolotskiy, Eldar Ryazanov Poem: Bella Akhmadullina

Songs sung by: Alisa Freindlich and Andrey Miagkov

She's my truest friend.

We became friends when we were students.

What I like most of all about her is her optimism.

Come what may...

...but we all know that optimists move the Earth.

There are too many people in our city.

Too many visitors, and too many cars.

And all are rushing somewhere, all are late for something.

There are crowds everywhere, standing in long lines.

But anyway, I love this city.

This is my city.

It is a very good city.

This is Verochka.

She is inquisitive, like all women...

...and feminine, like all secretaries.

Her salary is that of a secretary.

But her outfits are all of foreign make.

How she manages that is mystery.

And this is Shura.

She is likeable but, unfortunately, energetic.

Once she was put forward as a union activist...

...and since then nobody has managed to put her back.

Refreshed by mandatory morning exercises...

...in the public transportation system...

...we finally come to the office.

Hi.

Morning.

Vovka has torn his shoes again.

Where can I get 20 rubles till payday?

No idea.

Wait a sec, I'll buy some pills.

Something for my head, please.

Comrades, it's a collection!

Don't go away! People, 50 kopecks each.

What is it today?

Masha has got an addition to the family.

Not my fault.

Who's been born?

A boy or a girl. I have not found out yet.

People, stay here, who has not paid!

Sign for me, too.

Who has not paid for Masha, don't leave!

What a nasty voice!

Where can I find 20 rubles?

I wish I were appointed the Head of Department.

I would appoint you.

You're a superb statistician, with great experience.

Go see our hag and talk to her.

Jesus, who to appoint but you?

No, it's past belief.

Let's go.

Go talk to our hag. Tell her you've got two kids.

She doesn't even know that there is such a thing as kids.

She's sure they are born as adults...

...in accordance with the staff instructions.

But extra 50 rubles do not grow on trees.

No, they don't...

It's not even about the money.

I am just bored sitting at my desk.

I feel an over-aged retard.

I can do more.

Then go to her office and tell her that.

No, I won't talk to her.

I hate begging. I am a proud man.

Each morning starts the same way in our bureau.

It's become a habit.

A tradition.

I'd say, a ritual.

Peter Ivanovich Bublikov.

Head of Public Catering Dept.

Maybe that's why he is so... well-padded.

And this is Yuri Grigorievich Samokhvalov.

He is a very good man.

I have known him for ages, since university.

All this trouble started when he came.

It started one usual morning...

...when our statistic beauties...

...were through with the war paint...

...and dived into the delightful, magical, poetic world...

...of the accounts, balance sheets, and profit-and-loss reports.

You were the last to leave. Have you checked the lock?

I do remember. You were very rude.

I am sorry. Is Ludmila Prokofievna in?

Yes, wait a minute.

By the way, you fried eggs on my pan...

...and didn't even wash it!

What is that rubbish that you are smoking?

By the way, my name is Yuri Grigorievich.

I'll call you back!

I am sorry, I thought you are a visitor.

So, is Ludmila Prokofievna in?

Yes, please.

Good morning, Ludmila Prokofievna!

I am present for duty.

Guess what I'm smoking right now!

Marlboro!

Rich man's generosity.

The new Deputy cast off a whole block of cigs.

Making friends with a secretary.

Right now he is at the crone's.

[And I don't care now, who makes friends with you.]

Sorry. I called you automatically.

Never will call again.

Allow me to bring you a present from Switzerland.

This is an 8-colour pen.

Very convenient for signing documents.

Black is for "Refuse"...

...red is for "Pay", green is the colour of hope...

...blue is for "Consider further".

Thank you.

Very funny. Please, have a seat.

Vera, call Novoseltsev, please.

Which Novoseltsev?

A Novoseltsev.

A weak, inactive worker. We have many of them.

So, Yuri Grigorievich...

Anatoly Efremovich!

Kalugina wants to see you.

Coming!.. She is calling me herself.

Do not lose your chance.

You have to leave her office the Head of Department.

You say! For her, I am zero. Just like anybody else.

So, review the work of the Chemical Industry Dept.

Fine. in Switzerland, I worked with chemical statistics...

...then supervise the installation of computers.

Yes. In Switzerland, computers...

I am very glad they have computers there.

What I am not glad about, though, is our Light Industry Dept.

It is still without a head...

...and I can't find a fitting candidate.

Let him in!

Come in!

Come in, don't be afraid.

You called me, did you?

Take a seat, comrade Novoseltsev.

Tolya! Tolka, damn you!

Yurka! What brings you here?

- Where are you from? - I work here.

What's the matter, comrades?

Glasses, mustache, you're bald!..

Well, not bald completely...

Comrade Novoseltsev.

This is my old friend.

I see.

Comrade Novoseltsev.

Well, wait a sec.

Comrade Novoseltsev, is this your report?

Yes.