Roadgames

Ah, last motel in town again, eh, Boswell?

Well, it's not exactly the Ritz, but...

it sure beats spendin' another night in the truck.

Right, mate?

Hey, listen, we'll get some nice clean sheets,

and a hot shower, and, after that,

we'll hop into a restaurant, and get some nice chow.

A little pâté foie gras, veal scallopini,

dry marsala, and, if we're lucky,

we might even get a disco dolly for dessert. Right, mate?

Oh, and I won't forget the doggy bag.

Salacious vermin.

Base Four to Gypsy three niner seven.

Base Four to Gypsy three niner seven, do you copy?

Oh God. Shall we?

Base Four to Gypsy three niner seven.

Do you copy?

Mayday, mayday, this is Flight 77,

I seem to be in a great deal of trouble.

I'm going down, I need help. Over.

Is that you, Gypsy three niner seven?

Negative, darling, this is Quid.

Patrick Anthony Quid, as in British sterling. Over.

Three niner seven, we have a priority urgent for Perth.

Melbourne Meatworks, five a.m. Over.

Negative, Base Four. I haven't slept since Wednesday.

I'm hallucinating. Over.

I thought you truck drivers took pills

for that sort of thing.

Darling, just because I drive a truck

does not make me a truck driver. Over.

Come on, three nine seven, is that affirmative?

There's a strike in the west. They need meat.

- (FEIGNING CRACKLE) - Sweetheart, there seems to be

a great deal of interference here,

but I love you, I've always loved you. Over.

Why do we always have trouble with you,

three nine seven?

All right, we'll go double time just this once.

Affirmative, Base Four.

Five a.m., Meatworks, double time.

Over and out.

Hey, Boswell, isn't that that young fox

we saw hitchhiking on the other side of the weighbridge?

I told you we should have picked her up.

Now that clown's gonna get her.

Hey, don't look at me, pal.

Use Smith or Jones, what's the difference?

I mean, who cares nowadays?

Let's go.

Come on.

Oh, God.

First he steals my girl, then he takes my bed.

Okay, Bozzy.

It's you and me, pal.

Now, listen.

No snoring, and no evil smells.

I hope she steals his wallet.

I'll bet she doesn't even wait to take her socks off.

Let's go! Hey!

I'm not pickin' that stuff up. No, no. Leave that, leave that.

Go on.

Pack her, yup! Next one!

Hey, chuck that up the back. That'll do.

Okay, pal.

Boz!

Nearly got to the double last night.

Hey, boys.

I haul it in, you haul it out, right?

"With full devout courage of sundry folk by adventure fall"

"in fellowship, and pilgrims were they all."

Good morning, pilgrims!

Morning!

"Me thinketh it accordant to resoun. To telle you al..."

Hello, been away on holiday, eh?

Lovely.

To Warrnambool.

Fred Frugal and his wife, Frita.

Frita Frugal.

Bet she's a real dragon.

"You should have turned right at the last left,"

"and I told you, but you never listen."

Poor guy.

I bet he's an accountant.

Maybe a school teacher.

Nah, an accountant.

You better watch it, kids.

Not careful, you'll stay in that position for life.

Now there's a man with balls.

Benny balls.

Ah, Bozzy, "there is something in the autumn air that"

"sets the gypsy blood astir."

Sneezy Rider.

Hors d'oeuvre?

Hey, Bozzy, there's another one.

Maybe I oughta pick this one up and take her to Perth with me,

dazzling her with my stylish rhetoric and witty innuendo.

Eh? What do you think?

No?

No, maybe you're right. It's against regulations.

All right, mate, that's nine Jap traps, six Yank tanks,

and three VWs, which beats your Rolls-Royce by ten points.

You wanna keep playin'?

All right, I'll tell ya what,

I'll give you an extra two points for the trailer, okay?

All right, all right, make it three.

I don't wanna argue with ya.

You know, that's the trouble with you Australians.

You take your games too seriously.

Ahoy, Captain Careful!

"Bound to the sea in a ship born of your own patient hands."

Eh, matey?

What's the matter, Boswell?

Somethin' wrong?

Well, well, if it isn't our friend from the motel.

Hey, heave to, friend, move over your port side.

What's the matter, buddy?

Somethin' about that van you're not tellin' me?

Hmm.

Wonder why he doesn't pass?

Maybe he's after our meat, huh?

I wonder if he's still got that young fox with him.

Well, let's see if we can get a better look.

Why does anybody get up at five o'clock in the morning

to watch the garbage collectors?

a vacation, really, but my apologies to listeners...

a sound-poem, is what Lewis Carroll's Jabberwocky

might have been, if Lewis Carroll had composed a...

(MOZART: "EINE KLEINE NACHTMUSIK")

(WITH LIVE HARMONICA ACCOMPANIMENT)

The time is one o'clock,

the weather is clear and stable,

my name is Warwick Ross, and here is the news.

A council worker in the Brisbane suburb of Eagle Farm

was shocked today when he discovered

a human hand amidst debris in a storm water drain.

The identity of its owner is unknown,

but the hand will be packed in ice and sent to Sydney

for comparison with a human leg discovered

in a Townsville tannery last week.

Police are denying speculation of a Jack the Ripper type

murderer at large, and claim the two grisly items

are probably unconnected and isolated.

The United Meat Workers' Federation has blamed

the critical shortages of meat in retail outlets...

Well, well. on the union's inability

to contact their accountant Mr Floyd Day,

who is the principal antagonist in the strike,

which has left Perth without meat.

A spokesman for the Federation has asked

that anyone knowing the whereabouts of Mr Day,

who is believed to be returning with his family

from the Nirvana Caravan Park in Warrnambool, have been...

Sucker.

Hello, there!

Er... wait, miss. I'm sorry, er...

I'm not allowed to pick up hitchhikers.

Oh, I'm not a hitchhiker, I'm not hitchhiking.

My idiot husband drove off and left me here.

We could catch him if you hurry.

Why, isn't this cosy!

So high up.

Hope I don't get truck-sick.

- Oh, my name's Madeline Day. - Pleased to meet you.

But Floyd, that's my husband, the idiot, he calls me Sunny,

as in "Sunny Day".

Sounds like a wild and crazy guy, your husband.

Oh, that's nothing. We've got a daughter, Doris Day,